You may need to start with a child psychiatrist ; and then find a marriage counselor. She if not be counseling and possible meds. You need to remember how you ask a question or accept blame when it is truly your fault. It takes patience ; and when you find you are irritable it may be advised you two go to separate corners and do not come out fighting. It takes patience with your spouse ; and remember it hard for us who are ADD/ADHD to admit we are wrong especially if we are accused of something and we don' t know what you are really talking about.

The other things if it can be avoided such as picking up the laundry, paying bills are real bore for many of us. Remember we are highly distractible especially if we are faced with something we don't like such as cleaning ,filing etc. She maybe in the middle of something the phone rings etc and she off doing something else before she evens knows it.never finishing what she started. Prime example I decided to answer you instead of straightening up. I know I will go back to it; but I really hate cleaning my room so I start stop to restart.; it will take me all day to do this. Frankly if I could do something else I would.just to avoid the cleaning up.

Good Luck it is really up to you ;and help her . Don't accuse her of things that you aren't sure is her fault. Remember it how you say it not what you say but how you day it. Keep the edge out of your voice . It is like it we are so sensitive to the shift in voice, and mood. so it will take a time ; but don't get in the fight that will make you , her feel bad ; if you expect good things and change your behavior she will try I am sure to change her behavior.

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Hi Ray:

Thank you for your post. I would recommend connecting with your local chapter of CHADD to find a marriage counselor who specializes in ADD in your area. The ADDitude Directory might also be able to help.

In the meantime, this web site offers a lot of great resources for spouses of ADHD adults. Here are just a few I would recommend...

Married to ADHD: Relationship Advice for You and Your Spouse

The Attention Deficit Spouse: Expert Relationship Advice

7 Common Flashpoints for Spouses of ADDers

5 Ways to Fight Fair with Your Spouse

Best of luck!

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In ADD relationships there is often lots of water under the bridge (so to speak) and many bad feelings. Try to find a marriage therapist who:

1.) will help you focus on today and tomorrow rather than spend most of your time trying to dig around in your past (your past is understandable and explainable - one of your has ADD and this has affected both of your behavior...now that you know this, you need to move on to the more important questions, such as "what should tomorrow look like?" and "how do we get there"?)

2.) who will be an advocate for your marriage

3.) who understands ADD (else there is too much "blame" placed on the ADD spouse without understanding the role that ADD symptoms play in his/her behaviors)

Melissa Orlov writes the "Your Marriage" column for ADDitude, as well as a blog about how ADHD affects relationships at http://www.adhdmarriage.com.

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Be more understanding with her situation now. It is not easy to look for a marriage therapist and concentrating with an ADD disorder. Hope this might help you for your search on looking for a marriage therapist http://www.therapists411.com/therapist-information/choosing-the-right-marriage-family-therapist.html

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While I'm not suggesting a coach is a counselor or a solution for you, coaching saved my marriage.

If you have trouble finding a counselor a coach can be a great source of help - not only with strategies but they should be able to help you in your search for the right counselor.

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