You have nothing to feel quilty about the fact that if untreated ADD is a disability that interfers with our lives that make it impossible at times to remain on task , do well in school, sleep ,or maintain relationships.Adderall is not anything to be ashamed about and if I didn't t ke Ritalin or Welbutrin I proably would not be still married to a husband of 25 years and being a mother to my 16 year old. fYou have to stop feeling quilty for doing something that is clearly helping you to be a more productive and happy person. ADD/ADHD is a type of thing that makes many of us be impulsive and risk takers, not feeling connected to ourselves and so we feel we don't fit in. Many people with this are on medications that works for them ; and righteously so, they do this for themselves. Does it really matter that others think Adderall or any other stimulant shouldn't be used. How would they know what is like to be ADD/ADHD if they never wore the shoes Stop!!!!!!!!!beating yourself up.!!!!!!!! If you want to feel guilty about anything it was not treating yourself :but what is the point about feeling guilty truthfully it waste of your energy. If you were a diabetic woulf you feel guility taking insulin . Of course not so why would you feel guilty about something you never had control of you are ADD. you are not the ADD. So continue doing what works for you , enjoy life and do well in school Read everyone elses blogs and see what untreated ADD does to relationships then you would realize medication is part of the solution (Judi)

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It's kind of like being on an airplane. You are instructed to put YOUR oxygen mask on FIRST.....and then help others. If it is difficult to function because of distractions, obsessions or whatever gets in your way, not only do you lose out, so does every other person in your life you could bless if your mental faculties were all working efficiently. If you needed to wear glasses to bring everything into focus, would you wear them? That is basically what the correct medication does to help with the diagnosis. I hear and understand your past and the pain it brought. Consider the fact that you know what to do to help yourself is a blessing. I am afraid there are too many people still suffering needlessly because they are embarrassed or ashamed to admit that life just isn't working well for them.

Thank you for sharing your story; mine is very similar. I am 50 and I finally asked my doctor a few months ago about something to help with the brain chatter. I can do so much when I am focused....it's just getting focused that is the problem. I am taking Welbutrin and it helps signficantly. I can actually focus and listen to others most of the time now. Obviously, it helps you to remember what someone says if you listened to them in the first place.

I wish I had been diagnosed in elementary school. My years went much like yours and I basically have very little or no memories of school after 4th grade. So sad.

Remember, every person you come in contact with will be blessed if you take care of yourself; the reverse will be true if you don't.

God Bless

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There is no shame in taking medication to ease the brain! I have been experimenting with med's off and on for the past 7 years, what i have learned is that there are alot of medication options available and you just have to find the right one and stick to it. Do not let another person make you feel bad for your disability, feel empowered that you are taking steps to better yourself and your lifestyle. I have just finished my A.A. at a two year college and without the aide of medications, I don't think I could have accompliched my degree. At first I felt guilty about medications, I am an addict (but am clean now for 19 years) and the side affects of some medicines are very close to the effects I used to get from drug use. Because of this fact, I was very honest with my practitioner and we worked together to find medicine's that would work best for me. Keep up th good work, don't feel bad about your medications, and become the successful person that I know you can be.

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I do appreciate your explanation of how you feel, though, because it helps me understand others who might feel the same way.

You've gotten some great feedback here, and I hope you take it to heart. You are in a strong position to advocate for and educate those who might be stuck, as you used to be, in old ways of thinking. Doing so could be very empowering for you.

Meanwhile, I hope you find a therapist who is as advanced and educated in her/his thinking as you are. This is the kind of issue you should be able to talk about with a therapist and gain support, not be ignorantly judged or admonished.

Congratulations!!

Gina Pera, author Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? http://www.ADHDRollerCoaster.com

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I have been struggling with ADD for my whole life. i have always had high expectations of myself and knew I was smart enough to be a straight A student but always fell short because my ADD. I was up and down and could never have that consistency in my performance. As a teacher now I have found myself struggling to keep up with all of my responsibilities and finally decided to try Adderall and have found wow its like Im a different person. I can finally do the things I am constantly telling myself to do. And yet I have the exact same fears to the T that you described. I feel like I'm cheating and cant do it alone. I feel like I have an unfair advantage over my peers like an athlete on roids. I worry that wow ive done all this damage to my body. Basically everything you said my jaw dropped with how many things we had in common. I used to only take it after I felt I was behind and needed to catch up. But after getting sick of dealing with my ADD I decided to be more consistent this semester. I try to give myselfsbreaks from it occasionally to kinda help break from that dependence like maybe once or twice a week or if I feel really ahead. Also what I decided on the whole cheating thing and not feeling fair that I am taking it. I tried my whole life very hard to overcome the shortcomings I had. And you know what I couldnt because I have ADD and its not my fault. Its not your fault you have the disorder and you cant help it. If you could control it then it wouldnt be a disorder. I kinda realized last night when I had a very productive day at work and still had enough energy for a good workout and getting grad school homework done that wow it almost feels unfair that I could actually focus all day for once.The guilt almost set in then the epiphany came. Ive been shorthanded and stressed out for 24 years of not being able to focus. I deserve to cheat a little bit now.

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To paraphrase Dr. Richard Lavoie, fair means everyone gets what they NEED, it does not mean that everyone gets exactly the same thing. Taking medication that leads to success, or asking for accommodations in a school, college or work setting, is NOT cheating, it is leveling the playing field by providing what is needed. If fair meant that everyone got the same thing, we would each have to take every medication on the market daily or no one could take any medication ever for any reason. Would I tell a diabetic not to take insulin because I don't take it? Parents can make mistakes, too. We often act on wishes (I wish my child did not have ADHD, I wish my child did not need medication) rather than reality. It is called denial and it is a normal, human defense mechanism, just not always healthy if it goes on too long.

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To paraphrase Dr. Richard Lavoie, fair means everyone gets what they NEED, it does not mean that everyone gets exactly the same thing. Taking medication that leads to success, or asking for accommodations in a school, college or work setting, is NOT cheating, it is leveling the playing field by providing what is needed. If fair meant that everyone got the same thing, we would each have to take every medication on the market daily or no one could take any medication ever for any reason. Would I tell a diabetic not to take insulin because I don't take it? Parents can make mistakes, too. We often act on wishes (I wish my child did not have ADHD, I wish my child did not need medication) rather than reality. It is called denial and it is a normal, human defense mechanism, just not always healthy if it goes on too long.

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Once, soon after I was diagnosed as an adult with ADD, I was frustrated with my progress in improving my organizational skills, and I discussed it with my counselor. My comment was something along the lines of, "I don't understand why I am not doing better. Now that I know that I have ADD, and I understand finally understand why I have problems, the issues should be resolved."

My counselor said, "Well, if you had diabetes, would your diabetes stop being a problem just because you know you have it?"

ADD has been established as a physiolgical problem. You can't will your frontal lobes to function and allow you to moderate your behavior, any more than a diabetic could will their pancreas to function proplerly and secrete insulin. It is not a matter of discipline or mental capability.

Medicine isn't the only answer to managing ADD, but it is certainly a part of it for most people, the same way as it is for managing diabetes, high blood pressure, food allergies, etc.

Finally, in my most humble opinion, you are making a mistake in hiding it from your therapist. How can he or she properly treat you if you don' t give them all of the facts?

Just my two cents...

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Just one other thing to consider: if you think of all your various other troubles in the past as self-medicating without knowing what you were doing, and you consider the list of "meds" you've been on (alcohol, fights, binging, etc etc etc), which meds are healthiest? Which one makes you like the person you are, makes you feel most like you can be your best self?

lupin.

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I just started taking medication one week ago. I am taking 5 mg of Focalin in the morning, with an additional 5 mg dose around noon. I have been diagnosed twice with ADD; once in elementary school and again, 22 years ago, in high school. I have been fighting the ADD all this time. Recently, my 14 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD (innatentive type). We first tried other methods to get him to pay attention in class and to remember things. He wasn't a behavior problem in school and in fact, is a good student. My wife and I were wearing ourselves out trying to keep him organized. I was struggling with my job and trying to keep up with the paperwork and feeling completely overwhelmed all the time. Imagine, an ADD father trying to keep his ADD son organized. Talk about a failure!! Well, we decided to try medication for him and at the same time I decided I needed to seek help as well. He and I are going through this medication thing together. Let me tell you, I was not a proponent of medication. I figured that this disorder could be handled with a little self motivation. I was completely wrong! The medication has changed my life so far. In one week's time, I have already made great progress at work and at home. I'm more patient, I don't have the desire to drink alcohol, I'm less tired at the end of the workday and I feel accomplished when I go home. I don't sweat the fact that I may not have achieved everything I wanted to do on a particular day. I know that I can pick up where I left off when I get back to work. I have organized my office and am planning to get more help through counseling. I don't think anyone needs to feel guilty about utilizing medication if it helps to clear your mind and make you more productive. I know that so far it has brought great peace of mind to me. My son also has shown great improvement in school. He is now participating more in the classroom because he is more able to process what he is learning. He is now able to focus. He remembers to write down his homework assignments without help and isn't waiting till the last minute to begin projects. So far, we are both doing much better. So no, don't feel guilty. Medication if you need it is not a crutch. My sons doctor told us that the medication doesn't make you smarter, it helps you reach what your already capable of doing. So the meds are just clearing things up so your brain can reach its full potential.

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I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) at the age of 37. I, too, feel the guilt of taking a "stimulant" to keep me focused. I don't know if it is because for so long I had to adapt without medications or because I feel alittle paranoid that others notice the difference. I have discussed my diagnosis with only a couple of people and have a great fear others know. I have also noticed the medication tends to make me anxious which feeds into my paranoia and guilt.

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85% of all the people who suffer with ADD and don't treat it self-medicate. The body is going to demand what it needs and if an appropriate prescription is denied it it will find another way. However if it is a street drug and not administered by a physician then the person will overshoot the optimum dose and abuse or addiction will be the result.

The abuser then feels guilty for there "moral weakness" or "lack of discipline." I would suggest letting your therapist know and don't let yourself feel guilty for wanting to treat your condition effectively. Up until a couple of years ago there was no effective ADD treatment except stimulant medication and it is still a great choice. However, there is now an all natural alternative that rivals the stimulants. It is called ADD-care and is available at www.add-care.com.

Whichever method you choose I would suggest treating the condition.

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Wow. I thought I was the only one who had these types of thoughts. Thanks for sharing your story.

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I'm a 63 year old man, originally diagnosed about 10years ago with ADD. Because I was addicted to alcohol from 24 to 43, I was very anxious about being dependent on an amphetmine, so struggled on with all the anxiety, terror, exhaustion, and suppressed rage that I have experienced all my life. There wasn't a day that I did not dwell on suicide, and am probably alive because as a listening Samaritan, I have first hand accounts of the devastation that suicide has on the survivng family.

Several anti-depressants had little or no impact upon my depressive type symptoms. No longer self-medicating with drink or cigarettes, I ate dysfunctionally, ususally one large meal, alone, in great quantities and late at night, so my wife wouldn't criticize me.

For some years I tried various therapies and therapists, CAT, CBT, some form of psycho-analysis. Meditation, spiritual practice, subliminal nessages during sleep, and masses of reading left me better informed, and sometimes eased the intensity of my distress. But my inability to stay "on task" always got in the way of getting the best out of these various "treatments". In the end I self-diagnosed myself (always a mistake) as either a clinical depressive with PTSD or someone who had either a Borderline Personality Disorder, or a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (or in my really down moments I was a Socialized Psychopath)

After a discussion with my doctor, following pleadings from my wife to seek help, I started taking a fairly low dose of Dexedrine (dexamphetamine sulphate), which had the usual (for ADDers) paradoxical effect of calming me down. This was about two years ago. Although nearly 60 years of pre-formatted hard drive doesn't disappear straight away, life is considerably more tolerable, and I am now discussing increasing the dose somewhat, so that it can actually become happy!! My modest achievments have happened with the help of medication. Without them I was a near basket case. I too, have not abused the prescribed dosage, and in the first year came off the pills about once a month, for two days. After only one day, all the old terrible mental and emotional symptoms reappeared. God knows how I'd survived for so many years like that.

Guilty?? I'd give them guilty if anyone tried to put me on a guilt trip!! I absolutely understand that people who haven't been where we have, don't understand, and can't empathize with us. I simply ask anyone who presumes to query the wisdom of my self-care, how they cope with the symptoms I used to experience. When they answer as they generally do. "Oh I've never experienced life like that" I simply tell them that they are not qualified to even comment, let alone pass judgement. This also applys to uninformed members of the medical profession, most of whose knowledge about ADD could be written on the back of a postage stamp.

If I were a schizophrenic, people would be VERY worried if I came off the meds which allowed me to live outside a secure mental institute. They would probably take active steps to make sure I took them.

The fact that I have been able cope/survive most of my life without killing myself, or anyone else, I now regard as a testament to my ability to endure, despite great pain. For me, it's very simple, I simply don't function in any worthwhile way without my pills. Life in the past, was so hellish, that I'm just not prepared to go back there. I'd seriously question the motives of anyone who even suggested that I "should". "Why do you want me to return to the hell of the last 60 years? Would you be prepared to live like that?"

I think that at my age, I am reasonably well qualified to confirm, as one who has lived with the intense mental, emotional, and spiritual distress that is the daily and lifelong lot of someone with ADD, that there are no overwhelming or life transforming spiritual rewards from the suffering. No awe inspiring Damascene epiphanies. No Buddha like enlightenments. There has been, for me, just the grinding, daily, teeth gritted endurance of sometimes moderate, sometimes intense distress and dispiritedness. Well masked, of course with a well rehearsed "song and dance" routine for the benefit of those around me, so that they did not witness the utter joylessness of my existence.

I'll take the pills, and let the Devil take the guilt.

I recall the little ironic saying "Guilt is the Gift that goes on Giving".

Wishing you all the very best, hopeful resolution to your dilemnas, and a better informed therapist.

Buzby45 Wiltshire UK

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Nobody should feel guilty about taking meds. Nor should anyone feel guilty about doing whatever it takes to calm the firestorm in their heads.

Cannabis has always worked for me, especially when it comes to mitigating impulsiveness and hyperactivity. While I know it is illegal, you have to ask why that is so when it helps people who incur other medical conditions.

Adderall for you. Marijuana for me. and no guilt for either of us.

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