Hello and Happy New Year!

You're right that spouses of ADHD adults need more support than they can probably easily find. ADDitude has a handful or articles geared toward non-ADD spouses that I'll link to below. Also, I do believe you can find support groups for spouses through your local chapter of CHADD...

Married to ADHD

Time Management in Your ADHD Marriage

Expert Advice for Your ADHD Marriage

The Attention Deficit Spouse

7 Common Flashpoints for Spouses of ADDers

I hope this helps!

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We have just figured out that my hhusband has ADD and all of a sudden everything becomes clear. Originally, it was his stepson recieving the diagnosis. How we realize that my husband also has it. It is like a light going on. All of those things that frusterated me to no end; feeling like he was not listening to me when we talked, feeling like I had to do all the housework including paying the bills, wondering why he couldn't get it together enough to do his taxes. He had no reasonable explanations. It made no sense until just this past week. He is textbook ADD.

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I have found a lot of helpful hints here. We found out my DH had ADD years ago, but I am still learning new thiings about it, that I didn't know before. Today I read on this site that some people with ADD have problems with everyday noises. I thought it was me, apparently not. It is really helpful for me to know this. I wish there was a thread where spouses of ADD/ADHD spouses could ask questions of others experiences, etc. I have been looking for something like this. I wanted to get in touch with CHADD, but at the time my DH didn't want me to, but I can do this. If our spouse had diabetes, the doctor would tell us everything we needed to know. You wouldn't find out years later that chocolate bars were not a good idea for diabetic people. In the same way, sometimes I don't think it is taken as seriously, because they can't see it.

Also, reading the books, especially the second book by Dr. Levison was helpful. The first was called driven to distraction. Like I said, a thread for the spouses of those with ADD/ADHD would be great.

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I have been looking for help for the non-ADD spouse for years. There is nothing out there. Why not? Do these spouses just get divorced? I really, really need someone to talk to and share the issues of daily living with ADD.

My dh does not want to talk about it. Says it's just his personality and I have to love him anyway. I have to be on depression meds just to tolerate him. It's getting to be too much and my kids are scared we will divorce. He says it's all my fault. I need someone to talk to that can related to living with an ADD spouse.

He is so sensitive anything I say or do sets him off. His communication is so bad, what he says and does are very different things. I can't read his mind! He is very impulsive and there is no follow-though. He wants me to be more affectionate and have wild sex with him. I can't even begin to think about that because I am so resentful. It's been years since I felt affectionate toward him. He tells me sex is is only outlet for his ego. He is furious I am not a eager partner. He doesn't have any friends, do sports, or hobbies. Last night he was so mad a me he picked up our son and through him!

I just can't take it anymore!

GoingKrazy

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I don't have any advice as I am in the same boat as you are, but I do have plenty of sympathy. I don't know either where to turn. Our local CHADD basically talks about children with ADHD. My guess is that adults with ADHD don't come out with it very easily. My husband wouldn't go. I too am on anti-depressants just to be able to live with him, which I don't do well. Same intimacy issues. It's impossible to look at him sexually when he acts like one of my children...ugh! This board doesn't seem very active. The only places I've found tell me to pull the slack, communicate more effectively, blah, blah, blah.....I have no problem communicating, and what other choice do I have BUT to pull the slack. What good is communicatiion when he has a pass to "forget", or "be distracted", or whatever....I want to be married to an adult! Unlike you, though, my husband has never laid a hand on my kids, he's been a very absent dad, but to be their "friend". Be careful, don't put yourself or your children in a position to absorb his anger. You know he will get off with an excuse. Then it becomes YOUR problem. If I do find a place that helps, I'll post it. I'm sorry to not be of any help, just know you are not alone......m

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It's a good feeling to know I'm not the only one in this situation. Much of the time I feel totally alone. Especially when my husband keeps blaming me for everything wrong in our relationship. He even says I'm destroying our family. I have no one to talk to about this.

You are right about the excuses. He is a master at excuses for his stuff. I feel that I have been duped. I bought all his excuses when we were dating. They seemed so plausible!

Last night was the first time in 12 years that he ever laid a hand on our kids. He hasn't with me. If it happens again I will take the kids and be gone before he can blink! I can't even believe I'm having to say this!

He walked in tonight with a cheerful attitude. Amazing! He said he is happy that we are making progress to mend our marriage. What? He did make a couple of calls to seek marriage counseling. He also said he has been really concerned about work and really stressed. He really needed my affection(s) to boost his ego during this difficult time. He said the stress of it all just really got to him last night. He didn't show any remorse! No apology! He is oblivious to the seriousness of what his did last night! Who is this man I am married to?

Going Krazy

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I know first hand of living with an ADHD spouse , the unorganization , easly to get distracted , poor time management are just a few things . Of course the fact that I am ADD there for I am completely the opposit does making live with an ADHD spouse very frustrating simply because he's not like me so there for we tend to butt head over the fact that he's never on time to anything , some times so hyperactive he's annoying & tends to act like a child which is kinda a turn off. I'll be honest there are times when that's really frustrating especially for an ADD woman like myself .

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