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Hi. New with Question and Reassurance
How did I make the first step to get diagnosed? Sorry this is long but I feel like I'm not normal and tired of feeling like this.
My son has ADHD and what he does I see in me. Hearing him describe how he feels, is like describing me. In school teachers thought I had it but it was brushed off as "not being motivated" " and I was "too smart to have ADD". I was the kid who took a week long assignment and did it in an hour, I still work that way, if I have a long project I can't do bits and pieces here and there, I can only do it when I feel the pressure. As a kid I preferred to play with the boys, because they did the fast pace thing, climbing trees, ball, chase. . The thought of sitting down and do nothing like the other girls (gossiping or talking) was uncomfortable. I was a bit of social outcast because of this.
It's affecting my job, I had another girl who worked with me, she liked to do the slow pace things. I did better at the fast paced, time crunched assignments. But she has left . I work in an office and hide filing, so I don't have to do it. The thought of doing something that would be slow pace is overwhelming.
In my head I see organization and strive for that physical organization but to execute and maintain is almost impossible. I get so frustrated because I can't keep it they way it looks in my head.
Relationships: For some reason I have to have havoc, I feel like I'm crazy because when things are "normal" I can't focus on that part, so I create situations so I can have the "busyness" I feel impulsive and just do instead of waiting it out. I've been told I seem angry. When I listen to other's talk I find that I completely lost track of what they even were saying. I just hear bits and pieces of what people say because I start thinking about something else or get distracted my a noise or someone else.
My son: Sitting down and playing is a task within it's self. I feel horrible because I don't do things he likes to do. I try to avoid it.
I did see a doctor about it once and she said it was depression from being a single mother. BUT I don't feel depressed actually I feel happy and a positive outlook. It's just I can't ever get my mind and body to do the same thing. I HATE clutter but to keep my home that way feels like climbing a mountain. So then I stay in this frustration mode and lash out. When I do focus on something and get interrupted I lash out. My family calls me the "Xitch" because of this.
I have to put my keys in the same spot, my phone etc. If I don't then I spend hours trying to figure out where the heck they are. People perceive me as "OCD" because I keep or do things a certain way but if I don't I forget and then the frustration and anger hits because I feel lost.
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5 Jan 2009 @ 1:43 PM
5 Jan 2009 @ 2:46 PM