Dear 19.daugh.w.add, Maybe your Doctor has an e-mail where you can send information to him before her appointments. My son is at the age where he does not want Mom in the room for certain things, so I kindly step out for a moment knowing his doctor has "inside" knowledge from Mom. Of course, we are blessed to have a wonderful pediatrician who understands. I also make small notes on a card for him so that he can answer the Doctor himself. Makes him feel better. Maybe that could help? Best of luck.

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I think it is fine for you to send the letter, and that you should, as long as you remind yourself of a couple of things:

First, remember that she is an adult now, and as much as you want to be there for her-NEED to be there for her-it is up to her now, to include you or not.

Also, remember that HIPPA laws prevent you from obtaining any information at all about your daughter's care (as I'm sure you know), and unless she signs a statement allowing you to have access to her health information, you need to be prepared to NOT know what is going on.

Which brings me to the letter. I do think you should send it if you feel that the factual information is for your daughter's benefit, and that you take to heart that you will not get a reply from the doctor, or have any follow-up on what takes place after you send the letter. I just emphasis this because I've worked closely with so many parents of adult children w/ medical needs, who just can't let go, and want to remain in charge of their grown child's health care.

Many times I've experienced that, if a parent backs off just a bit and gives the newly adult child room to manage on her own, the child lets the parent back in.

Good luck to you and your daughter. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. But, let her try this on her own, and remember that if you are ever, ever concerned about her health, you can ( and should) call or write to her doctor about your concerns. Even though the doctor can't discuss it with you, he/she will listen.

Take care,

Lisa

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