According to Russell Barkley, a scientific researcher and expert on ADHD, children with ADHD are behind their peers by approximately 30% (this does not necessarily apply to those with inattentive ADHD--his comments are based on research of the classic hyperactive/impulsive type of ADHD). So a 15 yr. old with ADHD will behave more like a 10 yr. old and an 18 yr. old going off to college would be like sending a 12 yr. old to college. He said that if you do send him to college, you need to pick a small college with small classes with a learning disabilities program, a smaller course load and a lot of accommodations (video tapes, study groups and people to assist him, etc.).

Is he on any medication? Medication can make a big difference, helping with self-control, impulsiveness and emotional issues, as well as being able to complete assignments and projects without constant management. My son has noticed that when he is on medication he does not get angry as easily and I have noticed in both him and my husband, that they do not get frustrated as easily either when on their medication. My son doesn't have the impulsiveness and hyperactivity because he has the inattentive type of ADHD. My husband, however, has the hyperactive/impulsive type of ADHD.

There is another disorder that has a high degree of emotional instability and can accompany ADHD but it usually shows up in later adolescence or early adulthood. It doesn't sound to me like your son has this other disorder but you can look into it. There are other criteria and he would have to meet at least 5 of the 9 criteria based on the DSM-IV. My husband has this other disorder as well--Borderline Personality Disorder. It's a lot more serious than simply being emotionally immature.

Dr. Russell Barkley has an official website you might want to check out. He is considered the one of the top researchers and experts on ADHD and you would get current and up-to-date information based on scientific research. The site is www.russellbarkley.org

If you are curious about BPD, you can look up www.bpdcentral.com , although from what you described, I don't see any indication of that disorder.

Good luck, Elaine

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This is very helpful, thank you! It's nice to hear that he's not the only one going through this and that other families understand! He is on medication - he'd never get through school or finish his homework if he wasn't. It's a definite help! I will check out the Dr. you mentioned - thanks so much for the info! Good luck to you and your family :)

Jane

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Hi Jane:

Elaine has excellent advice and information. I just wanted to pass along this link to ADDitude's best articles about helping ADHD kids make friends. There are some useful tips in those articles about role playing for social skills and other strategies for helping your son build up his social maturity.

Best of luck! - Anni

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I really was able to identify the immaturity issue. We have a 14 year old, and she is extremely immature. I also worry about the future, being successful in her work, having a family, etc.. I do need some help though with a question. We were recently on vacation with my daughters' cousins, along with aunts and uncle. My daughter, an only child, would ask over and over again the same request until she got the answer she was looking for (example: she would ask "would you go swimming with me?"). Should would not take no for an answer. She is currently on ADHD meds., meds for mood disorder, and SSRI. Can anyone identify with this?

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My son also does this and gets in quite a snit when we have to tell him no. In your situation, I would take her aside and tell her that no one wants to swim at that time, but maybe someone would later...you might offer to do it yourself, or just tell her that she can ask again after awhile. It's hard for them to wait for anything, but they need to learn patience. I've found that if I explain things to my son in a way where I'm not putting him down for what he's doing, but simply stating that there is a better way to handle the situation he takes to it better. If I were to say to him, "No one wants to swim right now, but they might after awhile, and I'll be happy to let you know when it's OK to ask again.", he'd be more likely to listen and understand than to run off in a huff or just ignore me. It would let her know what's appropriate without making her feel bad and puts it on you to guide her as to when it's appropriate to ask again. Hope this helps!

PS. I forgot to say that it also seems to help to give him something else to do when waiting...either a totally different activity, or perhaps see how deep she can dive for quarters, or something.

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Thank you, Anni, I will take a look at this too!

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Anni said: Hi Jane:

Elaine has excellent advice and information. I just wanted to pass along this link to ADDitude's best articles about helping ADHD kids make friends. There are some useful tips in those articles about role playing for social skills and other strategies for helping your son build up his social maturity.

Best of luck! - Anni

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This is good advice, and I have applied some of these ideas. I also think that it is part of her anxiety/OCD. The immaturity issue is so relevant, as well. You are so right about feeling as if I am "putting her down". Just this morning she told me that I am so negative when it comes to her. I really need to be more mindful of this. Thanks, again.

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I WAS READING YOUR BLOG, & WAS WONDERING, IF A PERSON HAS ADHD, DEVELOPMENTAL DISABLED, & HIGH FUNCTIONING AUTISM, & IS CHRONILOGICALY 30 YEARS OLD, WHERE WOULD THE DEVELOPMENTAL AGE BE? THE ADHD IS SEVERE.

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At 30% behind they'd be around 21 years old developmentally. But, being developmentally disabled and having Autism might change things. I would ask his/ her physician what they think.

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drep said: I WAS READING YOUR BLOG, & WAS WONDERING, IF A PERSON HAS ADHD, DEVELOPMENTAL DISABLED, & HIGH FUNCTIONING AUTISM, & IS CHRONILOGICALY 30 YEARS OLD, WHERE WOULD THE DEVELOPMENTAL AGE BE? THE ADHD IS SEVERE.

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