Dear Some Help

So you financed his divorce while he bought toys for himself, you provide all kinds of fixes and you pine after him when he rejects you. You are helping him keep the house and his business running by helping him when he loses cell phones. By my calculations, you have already got thousands of dollars into this Am I right? You sound too intelligent to not already know what you need to do. So what have you been smoking with this guy that you can't see through this cloud? People who find a way in the world with this kind of challenge often find some pretty creative ways of getting what they want through the good will of others. If they are rewarded, they continue to charm their way through life-depending on friends and loved ones forever. Please understand, there are lots of strategies for coping if you have ADHD, or other learning disorders. Not all adults with ADHD or learning disorders behave in this way. But some do. You have been enrolled in a class of hard knocks and the tuition has been very high. Consider this your graduation day. Now take your diploma and run -- no need for class reunions!

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Tippy,

i wish i could say that I have no idea what you are talking about but I am familiar with everything you mentioned. All of it. The craziness you have been dealing with is more than just ADHD. As bad as ADHD can be at times, what you are describing is 100 times worse. And it won't get better on its own.

I sent you a private message so please read that. Oh, and after rereading your message, I wanted to add that his not being able to remember the nasty comments to you, is another telltale symptom of the more serious disorder that you are describing. I didn't find anything you said unusual in the least. It is typical behavior for this particular disorder.

Please contact me if you have any questions at all.

Elaine

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You my dear know what you must do. I think it sad to miss him like you do ; but unfortunately he counts on this and is playing to everyone of vulnerables and he is a narrissic co n- artist personality and his job is to use you up before he moves onto his next . If you were to go to court the judge would ask you what the hell were you thinking...Not the first time; but everytime after the first. If it smells like a duck , it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck , it is. Just don't feed into the self beating up because my dear you did not do anything wrong. This is what this type of person does and they are very good at it. I would change my e-mail address, my telephone , and make it impossible to let him reach you. You need to love yourself and move on, it is said that we can't let something to happen to us unless we give our permission so you must stop giving him permission. It take time to cultivate a relationship ; and it will be a time before you will trust yourself. Enjoy your life it so important that you do and don't give into a sense of loss or depression. Remember you are worth every one love and respect ; and if you love yourself the rest will follow. Keep yourself in touch anytime you feel the need to call him etc. go this site and add a blog... It maybe alot of blogging for awhile but it will eventually abate.

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You poor woman, sounds like you have gone through hell for this man & done all kinds of thaughtful , loving things for this man , but yet this man has no clue of the wonderful woman that he has been in the presence of . I'll be honest with you , if I were you I would change my email address, my cell phone number , my home phone number , to where this man could not get in touch with me , fact of the matter is this man is not a man at all , he sounds like a spoiled rotten little boy who has no consideration or respect for you . The fact that you went to all the financual trouble to get a him a lawyer so he wouldn't loose his childran & then for him to just totally take that as disreguard & tell you that being with you could spark an altercation with his ex wife , it's apparent that he could care less about you & he's more worried about what his ex wife thinks than being considerate of your feelings . I will tell you this right now, this man apparently really & truly doesn't have any consideration for any of your thaughts and feelings and doesn't seem to care what hurts you . The fact that the man is still in denial about his ADD & needing medication along with some major mediction is red flag number one . I know this hard to hear this but you need to say you know what , I deserve better than this, I deserve to be treated with love & respect and treated like I am a human being and then you need to change your cell number, change your email address as wel as your home phone number to where when this man tries to contact again , he wont' be able to , then pretty soon after he's tried over & over again to get in touch with you , he will realize that you finally had , had enough and that he's lost the best thing he ever had . I know that it's hard to admit that some one you love so much is not good for you but its very apparent that this man is not good for you . You sound like a wonderful, beautiful , intelligent woman who could have any man she wants , just think about this, when god closes one door he always opens another door . If I were you I would forget out this man, make it to where he can't just call you up or text you when ever it's convient for him and show him that he's not the only fish out there in the sea , then I would get my girlfriends together and go out and have a girls night, go out have a few drinks , relax do what you want to do & say screw him , he can't appreicate you and treat you with respect , love and like the true woman you are , then he doesn't deserve you . I will also tell you this, if he never realizes what a wonderful woman you are,then that means he never deserved you to begin with . Best of luck to you, you'll be in my prayers - God bless you

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Thank you for your support and kind words. From this site I was passed on to the Borderline Personality Disorder site www.bpdfamily.com as it was suggested and quite rightly that he may have BPD and they were right. All that I described in my opening post was classic borderline traits and sometimes they look like ADD. It has been a huge struggle for me to come to terms with the fact that this disorder is real and dangerous for people living with them. I have not seen him in 3 months and contact is small now. I am starting therapy soon as this disorder can severley affect those around them, me included. It will be a long recovery but am very positive for the future! So thank you again for your supportive comments.

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