Hello idispair:

Welcome to the ADDitude forums and thank you for your heartfelt post - I know many, many parents here can relate to what you've written. Caring for an ADHD child - no matter how much we love them - is draining. And can be hard mentally (and physically) on anyone.

My best suggestion would be to seek out a support group for parents of ADHD children in your area. You can check with your local chapter of CHADD for meetings in your area. The ADDitude Directory also lists some.

If you can swing it, therapy might be a good idea as well. It always helps to talk to an unbiased non-family-member when you're feeling worn out.

Best of luck!

Quote

Rememeber you are letting your child be a child and if she is messy then make it a game to put things back. Make sure you have the work areas covered and make sure she knows where and when she is allowed to play with certain things THIS IS A BIG ONE when she does good you let her know. Feeling like you do it sounds you anticpate her to be a problem; change your expectation and give her praise when she behaves and all the other messes etc will be picked up.and with just suttle shift in your thinking things will change guaranteed. Remember create the atmosphere you want ; and stop being so anxious around her.

Quote

Rememeber you are letting your child be a child and if she is messy then make it a game to put things back. Make sure you have the work areas covered and make sure she knows where and when she is allowed to play with certain things THIS IS A BIG ONE when she does good you let her know. Feeling like you do it sounds you anticpate her to be a problem; change your expectation and give her praise when she behaves and all the other messes etc will be picked up.and with just suttle shift in your thinking things will change guaranteed. Remember create the atmosphere you want ; and stop being so anxious around her.

Quote

I understand how you feel. I often feel as though people judge parents by their child's diagnosis. People get really hung up on labeling. Know that there are people (mom's) just like you, who are going through the exact same thing. The best thing I can do when my daughter is raving about how much she hates me, and how I am ruining her life is count to 10 and if I have to, give MYSELF, a time out. This keeps me from saying something I don't mean in a moment of despair and frustration. I have been there, trust me. The other thing is that I pray constantly. I also talk openly to other parents who have children who share the same set backs I do. It keeps from holding things in and feeling alone on your quest. The next time you child is sleeping go into the room and watch and listen quietly. The next rage you encounter try to recall this image. It helps you to realize that the child screaming at you is really not in control or even the same child that you picture in your mind. I have learned that I can't confuse the rage with the child. They are not one in the same. Sometimes the anger takes over and they become someone even they don't like. Remember to love them unconditionally for who they are, not what their ADD label is. Mostly continue to communicate your feelings to others parents who share in your pain. Pain shared is never as hurtfull as pain carried alone. By the way. I have been run over by my 9 almost 10 year old with a shopping cart at Wal-Mart. I had to laugh at myself way much later after I returned home. I looked in the mirror and told myself, "This is not the attitude or actions very becoming of a pastor's child". And then I had a good cry. Everyone is a great critic of how we raise our children when they don't walk in our shoes. Don't give up. I'll be praying for you.

Quote

I have an adhd kid too, and guess what! I also have Adhd. .. funny thing is that I didn't know it unitl my son was diagnosed. many people see adhd as a problem , yet I still see it as a benifit in many ways. He is creative, smart, and thinks his own thoughts in an era that spends most of their time parroting others. Do you remember when you were pregnant, and all you wanted was to have your child born alive, so you could love him.... Well, live that, Linda

Quote