I doubt this is what you want to hear..BUT-- I'm not sure this is so much an ADHD problem as a STABILITY and EMOTIONAL problem. These kids sound like they have been through quite a bit in their short lives- and have had very little physical or emotional stability/consistency. I think perhaps some therapy is in order here- this may help them deal with their feelings about ALL they've been through- plus give them some strategies to help them with their ADHD!! Good Luck- hope you are able to make some progress soon!

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Hi Liza:

Thank you for your post - I feel for you as you work to bring some stability to the lives of your step-children. It's no small task, but it sounds like you're trying all of the right discipline strategies. Now it's probably just a matter of patience and consistency.

Though part of the puzzle is no doubt treating the kids' ADHD, I also think their behavior stems from the tumult and tragedy in their lives so far. It sounds like they are testing you. They got away with so much for so long, they are now pushing your buttons to see whether they can take control of your household, too.

You can't budge in your behavior therapy.

Set your house rules and, even if they ignore them, don't change those rules. And don't change the punishment. Those kids need consistency and routine in their lives - they probably even want it, but don't know how to show that emotion.

I also agree that counseling may help. Your local chapter of CHADD may be able to suggest a child therapist or psychologist who specializes in ADHD.

Good luck!

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I personally believe that they also need to have a couselor to talk to. I have talked to their father, who is also ADD, into trying to find a counselor that we can go to as a family, but because of money issues and the fact that our insurance will not cover it, it makes it hard to find someone that we can affort. Do you think that a school counselor would be equiped to deal with these types of issues?

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I really believe in therapy. It sounds as though what they are going threw my be more than just ADD, they seem to have been threw alot and could benefit from talking to someone. I have also learned with my own child that chore charts are too much. Instead we have a schedule that is hung on wall to check everyday, in this schedule I put in the chores example: 4:15 set table for dinner, 5:00 help clear table and clean kitchen and so on. this seems to have alot less arguments and is less overwhelming then a checklist . Make sure you schedule in their free time as well.

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