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hobbz said: I have a 13-yr-old step-son who's attitude and behavior I seem very ill equipped to deal with. I'm sooooo frustrated, but also glad that I found a place that can maybe offer some sound advice and support.

Hello & I think just about everyone here can understand your frustration. We're all trying to cope... I can't believe how hard it is to find local resources & help! Have you had this problem as well?

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Hello and welcome to the ADDitude forums. We're glad you found us, too! We hope you'll keep posting so that we can lend some support and offer some resources to help with those everyday challenges - there is power in numbers!

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It's great that you're looking for help. It shows how much you care for this young man. My advice would be to grab every book you can on ADD/ADHD and read until you feel like your head is going to burst. In the mean time make an appointment with his pediatrician (and Dad) and get a referral to a counselor/psychologist or someone who specializes in ADHD and can help you guys out. I have a step daughter and I can sympathize with you and the special challenges that come with a blended family. If you can't get you stepson and/or Dad to a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist go by yourself. They can give you the tools to help get this situation under control. You can also contact your local chapter of CHADD they have a lot of good information and a network of people who can help you out. They also have monthly meetings. Just look them up on the web under CHADD. The only thing I would recommend you keep in mind in dealing with your stepson is that he has a disability and as much as his behavior is driving everyone crazy it is extremely hard, if not impossible, for him to control himself. Just think of what he's going through. I know my ADD son is constantly being told he's wrong. Getting the proper help will get his (and your) lives under control.

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I recently had a parent ask me about dealing with frustration and wanted to share some of the tips I gave her. (I am a PhD, specializing in ADHD and ADHD coaching).

She asked, "You wouldn't have any parenting advice for a frustrated parent of a 10 year old boy with ADHD(combined type), Mood Disorder, and Disorder of written expression. If you could give any advice I would be forever grateful! He gets so frustrated!"

Here is my response. Hopefully it can benefit some of you other frustrated parents out there.

"Sounds like everyone is frustrated...and reasonably so! Parenting is never easy, and comes with a lot of extra challenges when your child suffers from any, let alone multiple mental health issues.

To a parent who gets frustrated, I would recommend a few things. First, get support. There are several communitities online that offer advice from specialists and other parents. Other than Attitude, another great ADHD organization to follow, which sends out a terrific magazine, is CHADD (www.chadd.org). Several professionals also have blogs these days, filled with advice (www.redefininghelp.blogspot.com). I would also consider finding a local support group in your area.

Another thing I would recommend is some relaxation exercises. There are some you can teach yourself, but the best way is to go to a professional. They can help you to learn guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, and several other useful techniques that you can use not only in the heat of the moment, but also as you are trying to, say, unwind from a hectic day.

Also, don't forget the importance of exercise--a great stress reducer!

And finally, (and a professional can also help with this) don't forget to constantly remind yourself of 1. the wonderful things about your child and your life. Perhaps keep a journal by the side of your bed and every night take 5 minutes to write all the great things your child did that day and the things you are grateful for. Or, for you and the child, put up post-it notes around the house with positive statements about the child so that he can see them and boost his self-esteem and you can see them and feel good about him; 2. Don't sweat the small stuff. No matter how bad things are for you, there are countless people out there with even greater problems. As hard as it is sometimes, always try to remind yourself of this.

I hope this begins to help. Best of luck to you and congrats for having such a dynamic, energetic child!"

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