On Monday I took my 5 year old son to a Behavioral/Developmental Clinic that is ighly recommended, and I shared the same fears. If he doesn't get the diagnosis- he doesn't get the help. I don't even want meds for him at this point- just OT and a computerized attention training program they offer.

As of now, they have diagnosed him with generalized anxiety, and recommended a dairy-free trial diet to help with ear infections, digestive and skin issues, and behavior. We have an appointment with a psychologist... in MARCH. Geez. I am all for it, but I think a piece is missing. I think.. feel... truly believe he has ADHD.

Yet, like your son, he seems to do okay at school ( I think the pressures of 1st grade may be harder for him next year). A little distractable busy, but he is easily redirected. Yet, he meltsdown when he gets home. Runs through the house like a locomotive, tantrums. He wakes at night often and can't go back to sleep- and cries and screams. He has low ferretin levels (something we are working on), and tics, both correlated to ADHD. And at the doctors office. Whew. He was so attentive. And calm for the most part. Weirdly, it was irritating, because I wanted them to see how he is most of the time.

So, I guess I don't advice :( Sorry. Just a sympathetic heart. If I can impart any advice, it's don't give up. Keep on seeking help, nad finding a diagnosis, be it ADHD, or something else, that will get your son the help he needs. Hope to hear from you soon.

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Hi pinklisa and Rivers:

Thank you for your posts - I can just feel your frustration and worry in reading them and know lots of other parents have felt the same way. First, you should know that it's totally in your right to seek a second opinion. If you feel in your gut that your child has ADHD or another related condition, you shouldn't feel obliged to take No for an answer the first time around.

Also, what about video-taping your sons after school at home - when they are at their worst with meltdowns? Capture 3 to 5 separate but similar incidents within the span of several weeks and show that video to your doctor.

Finally, I would suggest downloading ADDitude's free Guide to Alternative ADHD Treatment, which includes information about fish oil, behavior therapy, exercise, nutrition, and other therapies that don't require an ADHD diagnosis. Stuff you can try at home right now - at least it can't hurt!

Best of luck and let us know how things turn out.

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Well, I just got home and have no idea how it went really! My son was perfectly behaved (typical!!!). It was just more information gathering really. We have another appointment in a few weeks but it seems it's going to be quite a long proccess. I think I will try videoing him after school, when he is playing quietly in their office I am sure these people think I am looking for a perfect child!! Thanks for your advice and support Lisa

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Anni- Thank you for the adivce as well. I will try to borrow my Mom's recorded to tape him. I'll also look into alternative therapies. We tried a fish oil capsule once and he gagged on it, lol. Think sneaking it in applesauce would work?

Lisa- I know what you mean about the doctors thinking you are "expecting a perfect child." In fact, I hinted to the doctor that this wasn't the case, and she assured me that she sees this a lot in the offic. She didn't think he had ADHD becuase he was so focused, but I think she believed the behavior issues.

Personally, I think he was hyperfocused, quietly playing so he could hear every single thing being said about him! He's a smart guy, and sensitive, so I think he wanted to know what was going on! Maybe this is true for your guy too?

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I can certainly understand your frustration. A child who is usually hyperactive can be well behaved and focused in a doctor's office. This happens because they are able to focus when intimidated, in a novel situation or something interests them, or they are worried. Any one of those reasons or all of them can apply to a situation where a child is meeting a doctor or therapist. So one can't rule out the possiblility of ADHD in that particular environment.

My son was not diagnosed until 5th grade because he was inattentive and not hyperactive. I am also inattentive and since I was both intelligent and I worried a lot, I was able to do well in school in spite of the ADHD. I was only recently diagnosed this year.

One thing you can do if you believe your child has ADHD is to go through the official criteria list and write down two specific examples of each symptom that you believe your child has. If you provide the doctor with written documentation on the specific symptoms with examples, it may make the difference.

good luck!

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