Hello there:

Well, I think you are certainly doing the right thing in having your daughter evaluated for ADD. Attention deficit IS more common in the children of parents with ADD, and some of the behaviors you describe do resemble common ADHD symptoms in children (like forgetting homework, dragging feet through homework, daydreaming...).

Of course, I'm not a medical professional so would encourage you only to read up now on symptoms, diagnostic criteria and treatment options so that you can advocate on your daughter's behalf.

Here are some articles I would recommend for both you and your husband...

Diagnosing ADD ADHD Girls

An Accurate ADHD Diagnosis for Children

How Pediatricians Make an ADHD Diagnosis

Top 10 Questions about Medications for ADHD Children...Answered!

Accommodations For ADHD Students: A Parent's Guide

I hope all of this helps and that you're able to get an accurate diagnosis for your daughter. If she does have ADHD, then you'll want to meet with her school ASAP to set up classroom accommodations that can help her improve and feel better about her school performance!

Best of luck!

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This sounds so similar to what has happened with my son. He is 8 and in third grade and it has ben an uphill battle in getting him diagnosed and finding a treatment for him. I am divorced and posted the previous thread, but my ex refused to think our son had ADD. I had to take him to court for mediation to even start the process for evaluation and then we went back again to get my ex to agree to medication. It took my son 2 to 3 hours to finish his homework in 1st grade. He often had to bring his work home that he didn't finish in school on top of his homework. His attention would just wander in class at home. He couldn't finish his tests on time. Currently he has an A in math and he is failing social science and has a D in language arts, his work skills he needs to improve too. My ex husband would say he was just "young" for his age and that our divorce was making him unruly and off in space. He also said my "chaotic" home was the culprit. I am remarried and our oldest son lives with me full time and I have a baby too so we do have an active home. It is alot to handle when both parents don't agree but I think as mom's we can sense something is not right. Is your daughter feeling the tension from your husband and yourself? My son gets very stubborn and sometimes says he hates me or his brother and likes to slam doors too. How do you handle her anger?

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My son is being flagged by his teacher, school shrink, princepal, special class lady (a little reading help) as having ADHD even though I see very minimal signs. Been doing research constantly on this issue since I was forced by the school to take him to EDIS on base (yes we are military and Daddy is away alot). Well, we had our first meeting with the social worker today and my first word out of my mouth was "no medication". I do not think my son has full fledged ADHD, but a little problem with distractions and not really getting the correct motivation at school. I get distracted! Not to mention he is the victim of a big bully in his class and throughout my many requests for him to move classes they refuse! Look at your husband's perspective and other avenues for what it could be instead of ADD. My 2 cents.

Jen

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Hi Abod,

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abod said:

She forgets homework at school, takes an hour or more to do a math H.W. sheet, and then can't find it in her backpack to turn it in! The teacher has to make repeated requests to get her to finish in class AND overdue homework assignments, says my daughter daydreams etc.... She is extremely emotional and touchy.

My husband believes she is just "lazy", "chooses not to do the work", doesn't care, or "wants her way". He also thinks I am "super-imposing my problems onto our daughter".

Abod

My son did the same thing when he was younger at age 6-10 until he was finally diagnosed with ADHD, inattentive type. His desk and his backpack were extremely disorganized and he had the same problems with classwork and homework.

Projects were an absolute chore. I had to walk him through every step. He didn't know where to start or what to do.

He would also become overly dramatic and/or overreact to things. I remember once telling him he couldn't have a cookie because we were going to be eating dinner in ten minutes. He stormed off and went to his room to pout. When I went in ten minutes later to tell him dinner was ready, he replied, "No, you said I couldn't eat. You won't let me eat. I'm going to starve." Of course I had never said that. But he kept insisting that I told him he couldn't eat.

I had a different child once he started on medication. He did things the first time I told him. The drama stopped. And he finished projects without having to ask for my help at all!

My husband said the same things that your husband said. (I think they must all read from the same script!!) You can download some quick fact sheets at www.chadd.org regarding ADHD that explains what it is and answers the questions and comments that many people such as your husband make. If your doctor or psychiatrist is pretty knowledgeable about ADHD you might ask your husband to talk to them.

ADHD is highly genetic so I wouldn't be at all surprised if at least one of your children has it. My husband has the hyperactive ADHD and both of our children and myself have the inattentive type. My daughter is 26 and my son is 17. We are all taking medication. It makes a big difference for me. the biggest plus for me is how it improves my working memory and enables me to organize my thoughts better. As a result, it is so much easier for me to write and express my thoughts. And I comprehend and remember more of what I read. My one regret is that I was diagnosed so late in life (age 47 and I'm 48 now) and I think of what I might have been able to accomplish. I have a high IQ but I was not able to acheive anywhere near what my IQ would indicate I could accomplish. Many times I felt stupid even though I knew I wasn't. There were some things I just couldn't get as well as others. Now I "get" things quicker and my thinking is much clearer.

Medication corrects the processing deficit in the brain. It doesn't cure it but it corrects the deficit while the medication is in your system. Kind of like wearing eyeglasses corrects your eyesight when you are wearing them. They do not cure the vision problem but correct it as long as you are wearing the glasses. I wouldn't deny my child eyeglasses if he needed them so I have a hard time understanding why someone would deny their child medication that would help him think more clearly. If a child has asthma or diabetes and needs to be on medication, how many parents would refer to the medication as "drugging" their child? Unfortunately, the media does not help in this area. It is best to get your information from the experts, not the media. The media thrives on ratings and promoting controversy, not giving accurate information.

Although temper tantrums can be part of ADHD you might also want to look into the possibility of childhood bipolar disorder as well since it involves more severe temper tantrums and can co-occur with ADHD. My nephew was diagnosed at age 9 with both. For a quick review of childhood onset bipolar disorder (symptoms are not the same as those seen in adults with bipolar disorder) you can go to www.biologicalunhappiness.com and scroll down the left side until you reach the section titled, "BPD, Bipolar or ADHD?" and click on it. The list of bipolar conditions includes "Bipolar in Children". Click on that and you will find a questionnaire that will help you determine if your child's symptoms warrant further investigation in that area or not. If it doesn't fit then you can rule that out. Not all doctors are qualified to evaluate and diagnose for childhood bipolar disorder so it helps if you are aware of the symptoms.

I strongly believe in being pro-active when it comes to your health. Education is so important. Many people make decisions based on myths rather than facts and doctors sometimes make mistakes. So it helps to educate yourself. I've read more than 3 dozen books on ADHD, magazines, various websites, attent two support groups, etc. I ask my doctor a lot of questions as well because he keeps up on the latest studies and research. And my sister happens to be a pharmacist so I've learned from her as well. It is scary though when you know more about the disorder than some doctors who are treating it.

I wish you the best. I would be happy to help in any way I can.

Elaine

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Elaine, thank you! I think you give excellent advice here. I'm new to this too, a 37 yo mom of 2 boys who are both now on meds, and a baby girl. I was also very opposed to medication early on--just the idea of "drugging' my kid. I wasn't comfortable with labeling my oldest (now 8) "ADD". I equated it to "learning disabled" and I knew that he has always been so bright.! We went through K, then 1st, then 2nd grades with calls and meetings and trying behavior mods. He had good teachers who knew something was up, but we were stubborn about facing facts. Finally, last year his grades starting slipping as he "ignored" the work he didn't like to do. Homework was a struggle. We had an eval over the summer and we've been on Metadate since August and he is thriving in school. He was actually awarded "student of the week" last week for...of all things..."Moderation" : ) He does his homework mostly independently and without much fuss this year. My second son is 5 and in K. Having been down this road now with 8 yo, it was not a stretch to see ADHD in 5 yo. He has always been more obviously active/hyper/busy in a dangerous way even. I cannot let go of his hand in a busy parking lot even for a second. he is too impulsive. They saw this right away in K too, and we were called in for a meeting. Just two weeks ago we started him on a very low dose of Ritalin 2x/day. His teachers already see a difference in him. It is short-acting, so it's pretty worn off by after-school time. Anyway, I was interested in Elaine saying that she, also, takes meds. This whole oddysey has caused me to take a look at myself and who they likely get this from. At the age of 37, I've done OK and own my own business, am married and happy, but also quite the scatterbrain. I'm thinking about trying meds for myself just to see what might happen for me. For the first poster, my husband was also not always on board with the Dx and meds idea, but he cannot deny now the results we've seen. One of the influencing factors for me, and him, was the doctor citing risks to ADD kids who are NOT treated. They demonstrate higher levels of substance abuse, drop-out rates, promiscuity, etc. This hit home for me, especially realizing that I, too, have probably always been undiagnosed ADD. Despite doing well in school and going to college, i went through periods of promiscuity, drug and alcohol use. When I think about my kids following that path it makes me cringe. Remembering that I went down that path, I still cringe! I just want them to have an easier time than I did.

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It sounds like you are doing a great job of getting your child evaluated. In the meantime, I would suggest you write down all your concerns on a list to discuss with your husband. Ask him to see if he notices these same concerns and have him keep a list himself. If your husband has something to look at specifically he may start to understand. When you say ADD or ADHD immediately people think medication. There are may steps before medication that can be tried. Simple organizational steps and minimizing things that may stimulate your daughter. We have a son that is 11 and he has ADD and it is a constant adjustment each year. Last year we started medication - when his self-esteem was starting to waiver. He is doing great! It takes a lot of consistency (especially from me - I have ADD, too) Minimize schedules - write down the steps you want to take first. Keep a journal of how things are going. This helps keep you on track. Its easy for the parent with ADD to become overwhelmed by too many strategies. Listing and journaling is the best place to start to keep you on track and organized to present your views and concerns. Good luck and best wishes.

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The first thing I would do is get familiar with IDEA and NCLB. Many of the symptoms you have described sound like ADHD. The school should be agreeable to the evaluations based on your childs behaviour and grades. I have two son's one with ADHD (inattentive), and OCD. My other son has ADHD (inattentive), Autism Spectrum Disorder for PDD and Sensory Integration Disorder.

I would like to applaud you for opening your heart and mind to the possibility of LD, because many people are turned off by the thought that their child isn't "perfect". My eldest son exhibited similar behaviour to your child, but our IEP had a very long list of accommodations so that he did not have to take medication at the age of 5 years old - we waited until he was 9 or 10 and tried concerta. As you may or may not know - ADHD enables your child to receive accommodations under a Section 504 Program and IDEA - you can request an IEP. Under IDEA ADHD is "other health impaired", My husband was and remains in denial about both of our children's disabilities and it has been a challenge. I think that some of the other suggestions were good about how to get your hubby to see what you see. I would add that you share some of the articles in the magazine and on this site with him. I don't seek perfection and perfect isn't something I ask my children to strive for. I ask that they do their best. This has worked for us - it reduces frustration and allows for the use of an eraser when there's a mistake.

I almost forgot, it's not unusual for a person with ADHD to excel in something they are interested in. I say feed that passion and for everything else - with the help of modifications and accommodations in an education plan/IEP you will see less frustration in the other areas. Google Einstein or Thomas Edison better yet google famous people who have ADHD or LD - it helped my children to see that they too can succeed with an LD.

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