I hear echoes of your story in mine. I had a relatively good childhood, supportive parents, and did very well academically until I hit a brick wall in college. I found out I had ADD when I was 24. It was a great relief and gave context to a lifetime of issues and situations.

Though my grades improved, I didn't make quick enough progress to get back on track. I didn't leave college with a degree either (perpetually "in progress"), but luckily I'm working in a career path that I like that fits me (writing and programming), have a beautiful girlfriend, a condo, and a brand new wonderful baby.

Luck has something to do with it, but I owe a lot of it to support from my own sister (she encouraged me to get diagnosed in the first place with the university's disabled student services) and especially from my girlfriend. It was her examples, love, support, nagging, ultimatums, and our combined good senses of humor that make life fairly fulfilling.

Turning my obsessive hyperfocus onto worthwhile subjects has helped (finances, home improvement, and now baby blogging) as well as setting up some good habits and structure (wallet and keys go in the same place; morning & night schedule for our new family; and goals/lists all help).

I'm seeking help through counseling (or will it be therapy?) and possibly medication (I tried ritalin for a little in college and it helped). I just finished a Hawthorne questionnaire and have my first appointment (since college) shortly. Though I'm in a good spot in my life, ADD of course doesn't just go away. And I'm looking for additional help to make sure I stay on track.

When I didn't have the power to "stand up" to my parents (they preferred engineering over theatre, this cheaper school over that, etc), what worked was getting either into good habits and/or situations. By getting into certain companies and building structure into my life, I've been able to "float along" and move "sideways" as you mentioned INTO better places.

Things like using online automatic bill pay, signing up on Monster and their email listings of jobs, keeping a particular part-time job for YEARS, all have reaped unexpected benefits. And though I regret not having the gung ho and motivation to proactively hunt down the opportunities and "choose my own destiny" from the beginning, I'm glad I at least had enough will power, luck, and foresight to position myself into such things. By working with my drifting nature and setting myself to drift in the right directions, with particular constraints, I somehow came out okay.

Choosing the path is definitely better. But in the meantime, it's okay to explore and wander in the right directions.

I hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!

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Since I am new to this forum, it will probably quickly seem unnecessarily exuberant to say thank you to replies. Regardless, thank you! I know my mother hopes for this miraculous life changing experience once I get on meds, but I am quite a bit more skeptical. Right now I feel "normal" as I don't know what the alternative is. What it feels like to have equilibrium or motivation is alien. The behaviors I have created in order to compensate for less streamline proclivities have turned me into a quirky, blunt young woman. To new people, I seem strange but interesting, at least for a little while. Anyway, I am readying myself for a long road with a lot of hard work.

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Hi Newbie:

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was heartfelt and really beautifully written - I can feel your anguish and how grateful you feel toward your parents and sister. They sound like a tremendous support network and, to be honest, I think you owe it to them to pursue an ADHD diagnosis.

I'm no diagnostic expert, so I can't say that your behaviors match ADHD symptoms exactly, but certainly your therapist is on to something... and you have very little to lose and lots to gain by getting diagnosed.

As for treatment, everyone should understand that it's a journey. You're not going to pop an Adderall or Ritalin and suddenly find yourself tres-organized and motivated, degree in hand.

For many people, treatment includes ADHD medication as well as therapy, an ADHD coach, some diet/nutrition/exercise changes, and lots of patience.

If done right, treatment should not take away 'who you are,' it will just make that person a bit more functional. Your lovable quirkiness will remain alive!

Best of luck and let us know how it goes...

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If you do find out for sure (or relatively sure) that it's ADD, be prepared for one thing I always tell new folks to prepare for: When you first get diagnosed, it's so elating to find out you finally know what was "wrong" and something(s) to do about it. That lasts for a little while, then with most people, there's a low point when you feel WORSE for a little while. The reason is, you now know what's wrong and you're much better able to recognize what is going on, but you're not yet sufficiently equipped to turn it around. It's like watching a car wreck from the back seat! However, the good news: (1) The low isn't quite as bad when one knows to expect it, vs. having it come out of nowhere, and (2) with time you get better at turning it around.

>>Growing up ...

Oh, yes, definitely recognize all this part. With me, it actually was my peers who said it as much as my teachers. (My parents, not as much, but that's partly because my dad was so similar to me.) I got soooo tired of kids questioning how I ended up in the same honors classes they were in, just because I didn't do as well as they or asked "dumb" questions that they actually had but were too chicken to 'fess up to. A few sweet delights you can probably relate to: - getting our PSAT practice scores sophomore year and discovering little by little that I'd outscored everyone else in the class - my score was matched only by the junior who ended up being valedictorian of his class - getting our PSAT scores junior year and having them see that no, it wasn't a fluke - taking "Computer Math" (really, programming) and having them all need to come to me for help - I had studied it with my dad at a community college the previous summer and took to it like a duck to water

>>So I went on to college after graduating from high school among the top of my class as a National Merit contender and a James Scholar. I had just come back from a summer study program I got into at Cambridge, so while my parents were more than a bit anxious, they were also excited that I could put aside my spotty past and start a new chapter.

Yes, this one is a familiar one for many of us. In some ways, each new school year had a taste of it, and certainly each new school. And then ... it all settles down and the familiar pattern is back.

>> But the BIGGEST thing is therapy. Therapy folks. I had no clue that I may have adult ADHD.

It can be hard to disentangle, especially when all the other things you mention are there. Sometimes it turns out to be ADHD instead of all those things; other times it turns out to be ADHD plus some of them. In my dad's case, it's ADD + cyclothymia (what my mom lovingly nicknamed "bipolar lite"); for me, it's ADD + anxiety and major depressive disorder, probably partly genetic, partly from difficulties each parent had while I was growing up, and partly from not having the ADD diagnosed till I was 30. Time -- and a good professional - will tell what it is with you.

>>It's silly to pretend it's happily ever after, folks. ... I have to face up to and examine my ups and downs, my previous traumas, and talk talk talk to death with everyone ways to deal with moving in some direction that will somehow miraculously make everyone content.

The pragmatism is good. The facing up is good. The talk talk talk will be hit and miss, so be ready for that. My dad had a dear cousin - now passed on - who had bipolar and ended up having a nervous breakdown, then recovered and was much better. My mom used to tell me privately that, as glad as she was that Cousin S was better now, it did get a little tiring hearing all the "revelations" and lessons he had just learned about things she and many other people already had discovered in life. :) I try to be sympathetic to that with people now.

> Honestly. No lies. No deceit. That seems impossible.

I'm on board with the "no deceit." However, with new people in your life -- especially at-a-distance folks like new bosses and co-workers, neighbors, or others where the relationship necessarily starts out superficial -- I'm all for DELAYED truth. If you find you have ADD, you will also find there are people you are better off not telling, or at least, not telling right away. You will be doing you both a favor if you hold off until you've gotten a feel for how prepared they are - or aren't - to relate to you appropriately. Some people just know so little that enlightening them all at once will backfire. :)

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I had ADD as a child, but no one diagnosed it back then. So, like the folks who posted just above me, I had trouble in school and up through college. Also without a degree. However, through night school I finally did get the degree but it took tons of effort.

So, at age 49, I just started on medication. I've taken it for about 3 weeks and oh my goodness - what a difference! Not that I'm looking to take medication for every little thing, once I realized this was a 'big' thing and what kind of impact it could have on my life, great - give me the drugs. I just had my follow up appointment, and yes it's have the desired results in my life without interfering with my high blood pressure medication.

Over the years I had developed my own coping mechanisms to deal with ADD. I always knew I was a bit 'hyper' but didn't realize it could be Adult ADD. I thought as I grew up, I would outgrow it. Not so. My coping was to use a planner - it's even color coded for different topics, always put my purse, keys and cell phone in the exact same place every day, made checklists (copied them) to use every day, etc.

Now with the medication I can actually concentrate on one topic / task at a time and finish it, too! I can have a conversation on one topic, I call it being 'thoughtful', and not finishing their sentences or jumping from topic to topic. I can sit still long enough to read the paper / book, sit through an entire movie. I'm much less distracted at work so I can be production and not just 'busy.' It has also improved my relationship with my husband. I can give him my undivided attention, have deeper and more meaningful discussions, and even intimacy is better as I'm more relaxed and focused.

Talk therapy is also wonderful. I was in therapy for about 18 months to work through relationship issues, eating disorder (binge eating disorder - also part of ADD), and a variety of other issues. I see her about once a month now or more often if I feel I need it. I talk to my husband a lot about ADD. He doesn't always understand, but he tries, and he's very helpful. He has noticed the changes in me, too.

As for telling others you have ADD, I don't think I would. I don't plan on telling anyone unless they need to know, such as my manager at work. Just let everyone see the new you. Medication and therapy won't change who you are, it just makes a better you.

Relieved to be diagnosed and happy with treatment. Best wishes.

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