Hello, I've been tested and have ADD, specifically deficiencies with abstract verbal stuff. My question is two fold; the latter part question, part observation.

1. I know that setting up processes and routines can be beneficial to dealing with ADD; my problem is that I set up a process (i.e. writing stuff down) and then either forget to look in the book I've written it down in or have problems doing it consistently....it's either all or nothing. Any suggestions?

2. I find that I can only handle so much when it comes to doing things of responsibility like staying task oriented on projects, chores, etc. before it overwhelms me and I have to stop. Any suggestions?

Thanx, Rob

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I just turned 49 and may be at the begging of pre-menopause. Last week, my doctor prescribed Stratera. I started taking it the same day I started my period. I was only on 10 mg. for 3 days and started 25 mg. on the 4 th day when I stopped taking it because since the same day I started the 10mg., I could not sleep at all at nights and my heart started pounding. I felt like I just drank a pot of coffee. I was hot and then cold (like something messed with my brain's ability to control my temperature). With Stratera being a Non-Stimulant and it only being 10 mg., could this have been hormonal and/or the Stratera ?? Should I try Stratera again or try the next drug my doctor suggested, Vyvanse (which is a stimulant)? I've never tried any ADD drugs before. What should I be concerned about at my age with hormonal changes coming my way? I'm already an anxious person, are these drugs going to make things wors? Thanks, Sheryl

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For your first question - you have set up a reminder system, but one that isn't fully working for you yet. Experiment with modifying it. For example, set a funny audio reminder at a certain time of day that sends you to your list. You need something to bring your list into the "now"...a reminder to look at your reminder(list) is okay!

Second, we ALL get tired of doing chores and boring tasks. Set aside a specific amount of time for you to do these things each day. For example, 1/2 hour before you start work to organize your priorities for the day and do a couple of chores might work....or perhaps 10-12 am on Saturdays to do the dump run, laundry, whatever. If you want, set an alarm (I use my microwave timer, which has the added benefit of only going up to 99 minutes!) to pull you out of chores. Also, if you know you only have two hours, you may well work more efficiently. You'll find if you schedule the time and stick to the schedule (effectively making an appointment with yourself) the chores will seem less cumbersome. No one needs to being doing yucky stuff all day!

Melissa Orlov writes the "Your Marriage" column for ADDitude, as well as a blog about how ADHD affects relationships at http://www.adhdmarriage.com.

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You should talk with your doctor about your response to your meds. He/she will know your entire health history and anything that might affect you that you might have forgotten to write about here.

Melissa Orlov writes the "Your Marriage" column for ADDitude, as well as a blog about how ADHD affects relationships at http://www.adhdmarriage.com.

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I have noticed that many resources (advice, books, etc) have been focused on equipping parents to helping their ADHD kids develop a healthy view of themselves. But what about adults? We don't really have people (especially single ADHD people) their beside us cheering us on all the time.

I came to this conclusion when discussing self-image with a close friend. I mentioned that I think that have a warped view of self because of my ADHD. So many things seem harder...things that everyone else my age (20-30) seem to handle quite easily. I said, "I wonder if I'm just too hard on myself." She quickly replied, "I'll just answer that question for you...you are too hard on yourself.

So, my question is two fold: --Where can an ADHD adult look for encouragement? --When does disciplining oneself into healthy organizational and life skills become unbalanced and unhealthy?

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I'm answering two different posters in this one....

First, for setting up processes and remembering them (rwhitver's post). You probably have a way of learning or organizing that works better for you than lists - so keep experimenting. One that works for many is to set an audible alarm. If you have a cell phone or PDA you can set these to go off at a specific time to remind you to do somethng. Another way is to get a coach who helps you remember. A third is to take your larger chores and split them up into smaller, more manageable (and memorable) chunks.

You only need to get organized enough so that your life doesn't fall apart. That means that you don't need to struggle to be perfect, nor do you need to struggle to be "not ADD". It's okay to do things differently, or not at all sometimes, if that is what makes sense for your life at the time.

To Jaimster - you CAN have a support system - friends, family, church members, etc. ALL of these people can encourage you, and will be delighted to do so. Lots of people with ADD are too hard on themselves - they don't like feeling as if they might "fail" and haven't yet come to terms with the idea that it's okay to do things differently. Who says you must be just like everyone else? So what if you do things in an unexpected way?

You should try to get organized/disciplined in those areas of your life where it counts - work, romantic relationships, etc. But be careful not to set a goal of becoming just like all those non-ADD people out there. Your ADD is part of what makes you special. See if you can find some ways to celebrate some of what you are now worrying about.

I have a story about this that might make you smile - and that will show you that everyone deals with this to some degree, even without ADD. After my son's birth I needed to leave work right on time to let our nanny go. At 5:00 I needed to walk out of whatever meeting I was in. This felt AWFUL for an entire year. Before my next review I told my boss I specifically wanted to talk about whether my shortened hours were affecting my job performance. When the review came, he told me (much to my surprise) that my performance had improved. The pressure of sticking to the deadlines I now had made me more efficient. I was shocked, but pleased. My point is this - you don't always know how people are assessing you. If you are thinking that disorganization is getting in your way, then ask those who matter for that situation (coworkers, boss, boyfriend). You might find out you are "being too hard on yourself" and the problem isn't as big as you think it it.

Melissa Orlov writes the "Your Marriage" column for ADDitude, as well as a blog about how ADHD affects relationships at http://www.adhdmarriage.com.*

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wrong area

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Hi, 38yr old male in NYC. Found out I have ADHD a year ago, and have been treating it w/ Adderall, ADHD classes at Mt Sinai, educating myself, and oddly Al-Anon. Right now, I feel like I can't trust my perceptions on much of anything. To be more specific, I'm feeling hyper-aware of where I think ADHD is influencing my judgement, and how I'm trying to counter it with a different habit. The upshot is, I'm not quite sure of anything at present. Scheduling, support systems, regimens etc are good to put in place, but it feels like a band-aid on a big cut. The pharms & the habits can influence things, but at the core of it I feel lacking a set of mental tools that I will never have. This is making my life feel exhausting, distorted, and untrustworthy.

and so this is it? Just therapy and different processes to deal with what seems like a major mental dysfunction? Is there an actual better quality of life, or is it just 'one day at a time' coping... (& yes I know, this is polarized thinking to a certain degree, but its what I've got to work with right now...)

Habbit

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I am an adult woman with ADHD in her 30's. Most of my friends are 50 and above. Would you happen to have any ideas as to where I can meet friends of my own age to have good clean fun with? I'm don't like the party scene and clubs and bars are way too noisy for me. I have friends at work, but I wouldn't want to hang out with them after work because their values are so different than mine.

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Hi,

I am really struggling to know what to do at the moment and am feeling very upset and down as a result. I have been with my partner for over 5 years, we got engaged at the beginning of this year. We have had a turbulent relationship in that time, we live together and often fight about chores amongst other things. Our physical relationship was at first very intense but the last couple of years it has been very sporadic. However our home life did feel like it was improving, we argued less and adjusted to living with one another and being more accepting. I love him and could picture a future together. He recently changed jobs and things have started to go down hill. He was much more stressed, had a shorter fuse and wasn't happy in his new position. He went off on a boys holiday and then came back a different person. He is now unsure of what he wants in life, from me and commiting to me (we were looking at buying a house and had spoke about having children), to where he wants to live and what job he wants to do. This is so out of character as he was previously very driven by work. He says he needs time to work out his feelings.

I for the first time began to research ADHD, as it had not been a problem in our relationship up until now, or so I thought. Reading about it online I realised how much it has affected things. He is not on any meds at present but is waiting on a doctors appointment to be assessed. I am now scared. Scared of him saying it is over and scared of whether it is the right thing for me to end it regardless. I am concerned about the statistics of ADHD and the breakdown of marriages, the greater likelihood of having children with the condition and the constant stress that comes with living with someone with it. His Dad has ADD and when my partner was young his mother had a breakdown, his Mum and Dad do not appear to have a happy marriage. I am also thinking that if he can do this once, he may do it again and then we could have children. Any advice would be really appreciated x

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