I can relate. I'm not sure how old you are, but since you say you have one child, still in school, etc., I assume you're fairly young. I only mention this b/c I was just diagnosed at 45. It's hard not to wonder what my life might be like if I had been diagnosed much younger. I've struggled for a long time with my symtoms and it has taken it's toll psychologically. Go get diagnosed! If you have it you can start treating it now. If you don't have it, at least you'll know.

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Rivers said: I want to know if this is just depression or could be ADD.

Can anyone relate?

Oh yes. I completely relate. I went to a therapist for the first time a few months ago for what I thought was depression. It was something I struggled with over and over again for as long as I can remember. As early as 12 years old. When the Dr raised the possibility of ADD I was confused, but it makes so much sense now.

I've learned to compensate in many ways, but it seems like for every compensation, something else gets worse. I can't get it all together at once. If I keep my apartment clean, I don't cook. It's like there's only so much time I can spend in a day focusing on things I don't want to do, and then that's it. My brain quits and MUST do something else. It's so hard to finish anything, for a lot of reasons. The other big problem I have is when I get a NEED in my mind that I just can't shake. Sometimes it's little things, but unfortunately it is often something big and expensive that I suddenly MUST HAVE.

If you haven't seen a professional, I recommend it. It helps me so much to be able to talk about it and to get some answers.

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Prioritization and realistic thinking is a challenge for ADDers, especially me! Only a few superhumans can work 60 hours a week, keep a spotless house, cook gourmet every nite, dress perfectly all the time etc. Focus your energy on a few critical items like getting to work on time and seeing that your kids do their homework. However, the world won't end iif a birthday present is late or consists of a gift card picked up on the way to a party.

Taking your medication on time is critical and will make the rest of your life easier. I live by my cell phone calendar. I set a reminder to go off at the same time each day for my meds & keep my morning med by my toothbrush. If I think of a home task at work, I set a reminder to go off after dinner. An errand after work? I set a reminder to go off just as I am hitting the road. I can't always remember to check my calendar! If I have an appointment, I set one reminder to go off the day before and then another to go off a couple of hours before.

My cell phone calendar is how I supercompensate. You may have to super compensate about your house key. Make a bunch of copies, keep one in your purse, one in your car and maybe give a couple to trusted neighbors. My husband just installed a new door lock purchased at Lowes that has a keypad and opens the door with a 4 digit PIN. That way no one can be locked out!

You are a good writer, sound intelligent and conciensous at work and are a caring parent. That's more than a lot of folks can say.

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For over 5 years I was taking anti-depressants for they thought depression? Then at 33 they dx me with AD/HD. I can't figure out how I got this far in life without anyone telling me this. But it explains alot of issues, low self esteem, problems all through school. I thought I was just stupid, but I know now that my brain just works different. I am a single mom with a 6 y/o boy. I fear that he may have this too. I feel so frustrated at times. I try to take one day at a time.

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Sheesh, losing your keys can be sooo frustrating! and besides, you feel like such a fool. and you can't keep from telling yourself that you're such a fool, and you are embarrassed to tell anyone that you are late because you couldn't find your keys AGAIN.....and on and on. DETERMINE that those miserable little keys aren't going to hide from you again! you're smarter than THEY are! Get up right now and go attatch something really big and bright on them. With a kid, you probably have some bright colored construction paper somewhere, or some scrap computer paper and an eye-catching crayon, a durn soup label and a piece of tape, a toy with a hole in it, ANYTHING---ANYTHING you can get your hands on RIGHT NOW, anything that's big enough, bright colored enough, unusual enough that your keys can't hide from you when you are going out the door. Stop reading this, do it right now, don't tell yourself that you'll do it later. Don't give those keys even one more chance!

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WHen I read your message, I would swear that you are taling about me. Wow! I am 43 and just discoving this about my self. I am going to go to a support group meeting this week and find out more about it. It makes me wonder what kind of life I would be having right now if this had been diagnosed years ago. Years ago a teacher spoke to my parents and wanted to have me tested. They did not mention ADD they just wanted to have me tested for a learning disability. Of course my mom said no. She was insulted, to think that the teachers thought that I was dumb, when she knew that I was not. I have a hundred things that I should be doing in my house and they never seem to get done. It's just too much. With working 45 hours a week and being single mom that just leaves me to get orginized. It is a constant battle in my brain. I was reading alot about relationships too and yea that is true for me. Two marriages and one very serious 3 year relationship. I find myself single again. I know that I am a good person, funny, smart, etc.....but stuggle with relationships, even with friends. On the brighter side though just knowing what the problem is, I feel so much better and plan on following through with treatment to hlep me cope with this. I look forward to the new me!

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What you wrote sounds so much like me, it's amazing. I am over 50 and just starting on medication for ADHD. I have "assumed" that was my issue for years, but since I work with special needs children and have even volunteered as a school representative at area ADHD support groups, I thought I had a good understanding of how to "compensate" for my problem areas. I was able to do this for MANY years - work stayed organized, home would have been a mess if my husband hadn't picked up "the slack" in several areas, but still things just sorta rolled along. Then my husband decided that a friend of mine was more to his liking and I was left to raise our son. We moved to another town and my house still looks the same as when we moved in 4 years ago. There are boxes piled up and the garage is totally full of who knows what and I just seem to be able to get from day to day with lots of prayer and support from friends. And I'm not talking about depression - this is pure and simple inability to focus, complete ANY project I start, start anything that I think is going to be boring, and feelings of being completly overwhelmed, but yet, I can lay on my bed for 8 hours and read a book front to back. I really do know the difference between depression and anxiety/stress. When my office started looking like my house and work issues started becoming overwhelming, I finally said something to my MD. What I thought was amazing was the fact that she didn't seem to think I knew what I was talking about. I am very intelligent, I have a Masters in Counseling, taught spec. ed for many years and have had close involvement with many ADHD kids and adults. I had a mother that closely monitored my classwork till I was in about 8th grade. At that point, things went downhill. My teacher comments were always the "she is not working up to potential" type thing. I barely made it through college (I had a very active social life) and even in college, I had two professors call me into their offices and talk to me about "working up to my potential." I didn't come into my own untill I was in my late 20's and really decided what I wanted to do with my life. I had to REALLY work during my masters, but it was interesting and I graduated with a 3.8 average. These days, I seem to spend my time avoiding things I don't want to do, not compling those things I KNOW need to be done, and feeling guilty because my son doesn't want to invite friends over to our house due to my lack of organization/housekeeping skills. I still haven't figured out how to get bills paid every month without having phone calls about paying them and the whole financial thing just overwhelms me to the point that I feel like throwing up or just going to sleep. So I guess there's a touch of depresion, lots of anxiety, tons of stress and much sadness that I can't seen to do the things that all my friends with several children seem to be able to do. And I guess there's a certain amount of guilt there also. I'm just so fricking tired of avoiding everything I could just scream. I know I have lots of good things going on in my life and my son and I pray every night and talk about the blessing that we have every day in our lives, but I am also praying that the medication I am now taking will help me focus more and be able to make our house a home. Maybe I just need one of those TV shows to come clean every thing out - but I know that would cause me LOTS of anxiety, so maybe not... :) A life coach would be nice, but who can afford those kinds of things? I don't know if I am writing this just to write, get some help, or just to see if anyone else ever feels like this. HAS anyone ever felt like this?

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I think you'll find this type of scenario is typical for women with ADD, although there are some women who cope by developing almost obsessive-type perfection in housekeeping and organization. (I was one of them until I began my medication) After my third child I couldn't keep up anymore and everything seemed to fall apart on me overnight.

You also might want to consider depression or anxiety. They are two common (though, not the only) conditions that exist with ADD. Some believe that they exist along side the ADD, some believe they are manifested OR exacerbated by ADD.

They are worth looking into if you believe that you fit the criterion for either.

Good Luck!

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You are not alone, that's for sure. I was just diagnosed last year (at age 40) and like others who posted, felt like you could be talking about me. Procrastination, avoidance of tasks, feeling like I can never get my head out of my butt long enough to concentrate on finishing any one thing unless deadline is looming. I am my own worst enemy and will get distracted by the stupidest things and become entirely hyper-focused on them. (at work, I may spend three hours researching something that isn't that relevant or critical, at home, I'll surf the net or watch TV until all hours - I even avoid going to bed) I'm constantly exhausted, completely overwhelmed and stressed, and depressed. My poor kids suffer the most - add guilt ridden to the list. Like many others, I was treated for anxiety and depression for years. It was a relief to figure out what a large part of my problem was - it made so much about my childhood and adolescent years make sense - but it's only a piece of the puzzle. Adderall is definitely helping me, but it isn't a magic bullet by any stretch. I still struggle every day and always feel like I'm completely living on the edge (and ready to drive off it). My doctor and I had decided that depression wasn't my problem and I went off anti-depressants a year ago when I started the Adderall, but now I'm thinking that this is a co-existing condition. I've become increasingly depressed over the past several months and not sure what to do about it. I don't get a lot of support or understanding (I hear "you lack discipline," "it's all in your head," "you just need to get over it," and my personal favorite - "there's no such thing as ADD!") I'm relieved (although sad) to see others feel the same way. I'd love to hear if anyone has had success with meds for both ADD and depression, and which kinds worked best.

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I can relate to almost everything you all are saying. I have not been diagnosed yet, that'll be Tuesday. I Always knew something with me was off but I was never sure what. My 11 year old daughter was diag [I can't spell] a few months back. My when BF of 5yrs would get upset with how she barley listened, had to be told information several times, so on and so forth I never thought anything of it. 'She's just like me' I would say. Now I know why she's just like me. I've shown signs of this forever, at least I can remember having problems since 2nd grade. I use to purposly miss the bus to aviod being in the uncomfortable situation school always presented. There were just SO MANY tell tale signs, I wish someone would've seen it earlier. I guess it's good I can see it now. I can barly even type this email bcuz my brain moves faster than my fingers. What used to be something I could control and somewhat ignore is becoming unbareable. I don't understand how I got this bad!

I know 1 of 2 things are going to happen soon in my life. Either my BF is going to leave me bcuz he can no longer handle the mess I create/survive in OR he'll stick by me through this and we'll come out happy. Either way I have to get this under control. I have 2 kids now and I need to be able to provide a life for them. I don't feel like I'm the best person to help my daughter succeed through this if I myself don't working on fixing my problems.

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I have ADD and I am 40. My advice is for you to accept that you have ADD and take the next steps toward treating it. Maybe one step is to realize that you can't cure ADD as far as I know and that it maybe even gets worse as you get older.

I think that getting a good night's sleep every night is very important and avoiding sugar and alcohol is right up there too.

In regards to organization and productivity, I think that one of the hardest things is just getting started. That is the hard part for us compared to other people, but by gosh once we get going, we can run circles around other people. That is our "hyper-focus" ability. They say that Thomas Edison had ADD, and if so, I'm proud to have it too!

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I am new to ADDITUDE, but certainly not to ADD! I was formally diagnosed about 10 years ago, but that was only putting a name on a lifelong struggle. I have so many things that I want to accomplish! So many goals! I write them out, work toward them, but become so overwhelmed I cannot accomplish ANYTHING! We live in a relatively small town and there is really no help here for Adults with ADD. (I have pursued this for years!) Therefore, I am not on any ADD meds. My Doctor has me on Wellbutrin for depression and Lexipro for anxiety, but I only feel like I am floating through my life in a daze. I have two teenage boys, a husband, I work full-time, have a part-time direct sales job on the side (we have severe financial problems - big surprise huh???) and I am a junior in college studying psychology. None of these things are expendible, so I'm trying to find a way to get things done without driving myself into a deep depression. I can't do one thing without stressing over all the OTHER things that I need to be doing. I am DESPERATE FOR HELP! Somebody please tell me how this can be managed.

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I really, really want to say a big thank you to everyone who replied. And a sorry for taking so long to reply back. I have seriously thought about this thread.. oh probably 25 times or so, but never replied. I even read responses, printed them out for my Mom to read (who also would relate strongly to each and everyone who replied!) and told her I wanted to cry reading them. It feels good knowing I'm not alone.

I think I avoided replying because there are 12 replies, and I want to address each individually, and that's overwhelming. So I'm going to post this, and I'll stop back by and do a bigger post soon. I want you all to know that I am going to go to a psychiatrist and see about diagnosis.

In fact, my 5 year old is going to a developmental and behavioral clinic tomorrow. It took 9 months to get him in. He is raging less than he was 9 months ago, but he is still hyper, distractable, and easily frustrated. Yet, he is doing well in Kindergarten, but I think it's a good idea to keep this appointment. Wish me luck in getting us both a proper diagnosis and help!

Thanks again!

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I was diagnosed with ADHD about 6 years ago, but have know about it for years, ever since raising an ADHD stepson. As a child, I went thru being called lazy, crazy, etc. I learned coping mechanisms to deal with the symptoms that presented themselves as they interfered with my life. I was a road musician for many years, so many of the symptoms I looked at as assets in that setting. But, as I got back into college to complete my Psych degree, & then my masters at Seminary, I saw that these same symptoms could easily get me in trouble. I simply looked on the energy that I could sense beneath them as fuel to get the things done that I needed to do. I learned to write down ideas in the classroom (or in conferences/trainings) & ask the questions or make the comments at the appropriate time. I used physical activity to deal with the hyperactivity, the Serenity Prayer to deal with the impulsivity (even learned some interesting meditative techniques), other things to deal with the distractedness, etc. When the Creator gives you lemons, MAKE LEMONADE!!! Now, I'm 62 years old, & much more active & in better health than my contemporaries (since my hyperactivity kept me active). I make TO DO lists to get things done. I put things that I have to deal with in plain sight, on a bulletin board, so that I won't forget they exist. I keep clocks all over my house & office so that I won't lose complete track of time. The natural emotional immaturity that I am blessed with enables me to identify with folks much younger than I am. I am also an extrovert, which makes the ADHD just that much more obvious. I've given up trying to hide it (never very successful at it anyway) The thing that U really have to watch is that depression often pops up in addition to ADHD, since folks tend to reject us so much. Good Luck, Fellow Travelers

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Regardless of what your specific diagnosis is, the behavior problems you talk about may be helped by a coach.

One word of caution though. I completed my doctoral dissertation on ADHD coaching and am currently writing an research-based book on the topic. Unfortunately, there are so many un- or under-qualified people out there calling themselves ADHD coaches who have no mental health background, which I think is dangerous, and all of the current evidence for its valididty is anecdotal. Therefore, My current professional objective is to separate it from all the other types of coaching (executive, financial...fashion?!).

So when looking in to getting a coach, make sure you get recommendations, check credentials, and check them out yourself!

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I was diagnosed at 38; I'm 41 now. I still haven't hit on exactly the right treatment for me, but I WILL persist. There are so many "down sides" to this. I'm not the woman, the wife, the mom, the volunteer, the employee I'd like so much to be. I'm not the woman who can juggle. HOWEVER. I have the compassion and patience with other 'strugglers' that so many don't have. I work with resource kids at our parochial school, and in the past I've worked with special ed kids of all ages, and kids with autism. I absolutely love it. I'm their biggest fan. I'm the one who tells them, "You have a gift. You are delightful. You are smart. It just takes a while sometimes to figure out which flavor of 'smart' you are." I share with them other people who have had, or have, difficulties. Einstein. Edison. Michael Phelps. Abraham Lincoln. They say, "You mean, I'm not stupid? I'm like THEM?" Yes. You are, in your own unique way. I will never be great. But if one middle-aged man who is happy and content with himself, makes a decent living at something that "fits" him, and shows compassion toward others who struggle, I will have done a good thing by that little boy. And because my own ADD and depression struggles humbled me and taught me empathy.

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