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|Thread : Barely Functioning - I Need Help|
|20 Oct 2008 @ 2:15 AM|
Mon 20th Oct 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 0
Barely Functioning - I Need Help
I am barely functioning and am in desperate need of help. Here is my story. I was always a depressed child. I was messy, disorganized sad, very lonely, binge ate and inattentive. My mom tried to get me help. At the age of 6 I was in play therapy for sleep issues. At 11 I went in for educational testing. I had good grades, but school was torture for me. I had stress induced asthma, panic attacks and stomach issues. I was a social freak. Testing came back normalish. I was put on antidepressants at 12 some worked for a while and then stopped. I tried almost every pill with no real help. And therapy. At 17 I had an ovarian cyst removed. Five years of misdiagnosis. There is a huge family history of misdiagnosis. I wanted so desperate to be "normal. I had a few friends here and there but nothing long term. I wanted friends desperately, but it was too hard for people to try and deal with me. I binge ate and was severely depressed. At the age of 25 I was finally diagnosed with ADD it explained so much about my childhood. I was put on a number of different meds, but none was the "one" that people talk about. I try so hard to improve my life. Things never go right for me it's like I am jinxed or something. I maxed out a few years ago. I couldn't deal with such a miserable life. The only thing that "helped" was drugs. It was an escape from a life I hated. I have been trying to quit, but relapse every few months when I max out. I have not been on any meds for 3 years because they don't help. I have been trying to fix my life. I want to be a happy functional human. I have been trying to find out what I was meant to do and be in life. I want to do more then just barely scraping by. My extreme mood cycling makes it very difficult to stay on track. I want to know why my life is so bad. I try so hard to fix it and it seems to just get worse. I live on my bed watching TV. I can't do anything more then that. I have no friends, no social life and am pretty much a recluse. I am so embarrassed about my weight that I hide. I am so lonely. I can't even deal with myself why would anyone else want to. I want a life. I think I might of found out why I'm still not "cured" I think I have bipolar and ADD. It explains everything. That's why nothing has worked before. I am calling my Dr in the morning to make an appointment. Most Dr's think I am a hypochondriac and blow me off. A few years ago I talked to my Dr about bipolar and he said the reason why my life sucks is because I don't try. I try so hard just to make it though the day I can barely survive let alone make improvements. I need help. I am tired of living life like a leaper or the living dead. I want to thrive. I want to be normal. I would love advice, support or anything that could help. Is there anyone with a similar situation. Is there hope. Is there any advice that could speed the process along. I am sorry for such a long posting, but it felt good to put it all out there. Somethings I wrote I never told anyone else before. I hope this is a good step on making my life better. I really can't take my life continuing with this any longer. Thanks Robin
|20 Oct 2008 @ 12:41 PM Reply # 1|
Mon 20th Oct 2008
Robin: I, like you, was barely functioning for years and years - all of my adult life in fact. Meds- stimulants and antidepressents - helped make life liveable, but just barely. In recent months several things have changed my life dramatically and they all have to do with reprogramming the subconscious thought processes that control our lives. The first thing is a set of CDs by Wayne Dyer called "The Power of Intention". There is also a book by that name but I prefer the CDs. These CDs are all about changing thought patterns - but it is not about "doing" something. I've tried and tried to change by "doing", "reading", "speaking", "acting" differently, and I got worn out, and incredibly discouraged, with "trying". Dyer's message is more about being willing to be changed and not "doing" anything.
The second thing is a set of tapes called "the Subliminal Winner" by Denis Waitley and Thomas Budzynski. These tapes are all about using subliminal messages - messages that our ears and our conscious mind can't hear - to reprogram our subconscious mind. The tapes are music on one side and ocean sounds on the other side. Both sides have background subliminal message "voices" that are not audible to the ear but that stream a constant message to the subconscious. There are six tapes and they have messages such as "Health and Happiness", "Self-image and self-esteem", "Goal Achievement and Prosperity", "Habits and Time Management", etc.. I got the CDs at the public library and found the tapes at a used book store. I know you can get the tapes on Ebay and I assume that the CDs would be available there too. The tapes are produced by Nightingale- Conant and were produced - I would guess- in the 70's.
You cannot listen to these CDs and tapes once and get a permanent fix. If I don't listen to them for awhile I find that I start sliding back into my old patterns. If you find them helpful you need to make listening to them a permanent part of your life. The messages need to be CONSTANTLY played into your head. If you are like me you will find that your brain is getting rewired "through your ears".
The best thing about this is that even if you are totally exhausted, like I was, and cannot try to do one more self help regimen, at least you can listen - it doesn't require one ounce of effort - but if your experience is like mine, it will save your life.
|20 Oct 2008 @ 6:30 PM Reply # 2|
Mon 20th Oct 2008
You're headed in the right direction
I'm sorry to hear things have been so tough. I too have experienced a life of personal anguish that I only attributed to ADD 4 years ago when I was 35. I was left to wonder throughout my childhood 'what the hell is wrong with me?' I barely graduated grammer school, I barely graduated highschool, and I went to summerschool every year. I got into drug and alchohol and illegal activities. The only thing that led me to some success in life was most likely my mother and God. My mother always told me I was smart and guided me in the right direction. I had good role models to get an education, and that is what I did. I did 3 years of community college and transferred to the state college. It was hell. I really could have used some ritalin back then! I graduated with a degree in Business Management.
I got a job with a freight company, got married and the misery continued. I started jumping jobs and got into sales. It was OK for a while, but the stress and freedom bercame my demise. I have alway been fighting ADD and trying to fix myself befor I ever knew I had it. The final blow was when I started my own business with the thought that I just needed to be my own boss. I failed miserbly and went into debt. I was lucky enough to be able to take a job in sales at my brothers engineering firm as a sales rep. It was good for a while until I once again fell apart. It was then that I sought professional help, was diagnosed, and got on meds. Meds were not the answer, but I like to say they opened the door. I started another business in 2006 and I am still going. I darn near lost my mind, incurred more debt, and made mistakes, but...I keep going, keep trying, keep starting over. I look at success with ADD as trying to drive a nitro blown dragster across the country. You can blast off faster than anything else on the road, then, you run out a gas, or your chute goes off, or your wheel falls off, or your engine blows, or you cant get the right kind of gas...you get the idea, it sucks. Well I hope that cheers you up, good luck!
Just kidding, there's more. I'm a scientist, engineer and inventor at heart. I have been actively searching for the formula to my success my entire life. In science research, they look first to the experts, and then test the theories of the experts through experimentation. This is what I have done, and I suggest you do the same. I am not an expert, nor is the person who has been listening to hypnotic tapes for the last two months and thinks they have found the answer. (although I don't necessarily think the tapes are a bad idea).
I was drawn to your post because I still feel like I am barely functioning many times.
I’m going to give you my impression of you based on the limited history and then attempt to take everything I have learned about ADD, depression and bipolar and give you some advice. (that should clinch it that I have ADD) It does sound like you have ADD, but you most likely you have some other inborn mental issues like bipolar or clinical depression. Unfortunately, the more time that passes without relief, the sicker you get. The ADD and depression are like a wound you were born with. The way you have processed your experiences has acted like a growing infection throughout your life. I didn’t recognize a single glint of hope in your posting.
I had a long lost acquaintance come back in my life briefly after he had done 15 years in prison for drug addiction related issues. When he told me his goal was to “stay off drugs”, I knew it was over for him. He was back on drugs within a couple of weeks.
Vision If you leave a void in your life, it gets filled in by garbage like drugs, food, TV, masturbation, video games, sex etc. If you do have ADD, Robin, then I’ll bet you are a dreamer. What is your dream? Who do you want to be? What do you dream of doing? If you don’t have anything to do, then there isn’t any need for you to get out of bed. The first step, is finding the confidence to merely say out loud, very specifically, exactly what you want to accomplish. What is the vision of the life you want to live? Cut out pictures and glue them to a VISION BOARD along with words and achievements you dream of. You don’t have to get all of them down, just one for now. You need at least one reason to get out of bed. Then, what is the first step that you need to take towards your goal?
Robins Plan Once you have identified some goal for you to attain, the next thing is a plan. Keep a notepad with you at all times. Every day when you wake up, while you eat breakfast, write down 3 things to accomplish today. For starters, they could be any three things. One phone call, one errand, one bill. 3 phone calls…. Whatever. Eventually you will build on that, but even if that is all you get done that day, it’s an accomplishment, and I want you to celebrate every accomplishment.
Exercise The best drug in the world, hands down, is endorphins released by strenuous exercise. I suggest you get addicted. The research results demonstrating the positive impact of “Strenuous Cardiovascular exercise” on ADD, depression, and every mental disorder known to man is astounding. Exercise saves my life every day. I was blessed to have come from a family of exercisers and I got into it myself at a young age. I believe exercise was one of the serendipitous factors that got me through college. I used to ride my mountain bike 7 miles each way to school.
Robins Regimen You need to begin building a daily regimen of habits that make you happy and lead to your success. ADD’ers really don’t have the ability or desire to think out what they need to do every day. The reality is that every successful person’s source of success can be broken down into daily habits and rituals. When researchers seek the source of success, all they find is a person who just does the same things every day without really thinking that much about it anymore. The successful people that you see, are merely the result of successful habits.
With ADD, it’s a little more difficult because we run into seeming walls that block us from what would be the simplest of tasks to a “normal’ person. We need to constantly reevaluate our regimen and adjust it. I will give you an example. I know that exercise is key for me. I know from experience that I MUST exercise on a daily basis. This is not just all of the research talking, but 39 years of personal experience. I must exercise. Back to the dragster analogy, exercise is the daily tune up; without it, I break. Since exercise is so important, I have learned that I must make it the first thing I do every day. That means I need to get up early. But sometimes I get sick or just slip up and stop. This situation can quickly turn into a downward spiral of lethargy and depression that prevents me from getting up early and exercising. So now what? This has killed my productivity and my happiness countless times. But, I found something that keeps me from going back to bed at 4am when my alarm goes off.
But first, lets break this down some more. Every night I must set my alarm and put it in the kitchen. Next to my alarm is a bag with my gym clothes, my keys, wallet and flip flops. If I’m wearing glasses, they must not be left on the night stand, but next to the alarm in the kitchen. If I accidentally get into bed with my glasses, I must drag my ass out of bed no matter how tired I am, go back out to the kitchen and set my glasses next to the alarm, then walk back to bed blurry eyed. Why?, because it makes me happy. If I set my glasses on the night stand, then the alarm goes off in the kitchen, I get up and turn it off, go back to get my glasses, half asleep and depressed, and I slide back into bed. I wake up later, even more depressed, because I have failed to get up and exercise. The day usually sucks and I am non productive. The next day is even harder. When I am laying there in bed contemplating how stupid it is that I can’t just set my glasses on the night stand, I transpose the happiness I feel after successfully getting up early and exercising solely on the act of putting my glasses in the kitchen.
The person who we are in the morning and the person we are at night seem to hate each other and are at war. (various comedians)
The Transition Ritual (TM 2008) Now I’m depressed because I haven’t worked out in a week. The alarm goes off at 5am and I’m depressed. F--- it, I’m tired. I jump back in bed. A few hours later I wake not exactly happy. It’s 7am and I have already failed. Tomorrow, I set my alarm for 4am, but I’m not going to the gym, I’m going to Denny’s for a grand slam breakfast and to read the paper. For me, even at 4am, as long as my bag is packed and I’m ready to stumble directly out the door, Denny’s is the tipping point. I really enjoy having breakfast out and I look forward to it. There is no stress involved to send me back to bed. This has evolved into what I call a transition ritual. It may sound stupid and crazy to many, but it almost always gets me out the door. This ritual sets me in motion. I enjoy having an early morning omelet and coffee served by waitresses or waiters who know me and my order by name. After a little breakfast, coffee, and Ritalin, I am ready and still have time for the gym. Eventually, after a few days, I find myself in my car at 4:05am, and decide to go straight to the gym.
The reality is that this methodology ties in directly to the theory and methods of Cognitive Psychology. I am taking actions that prove themselves to work for me. In a nutshell, Cognitive Psychology says get out there and do something, do anything, just get out of bed and join the world. Take action. There are no answers to be found in life laying in your bed, as it were, and watching TV. There are few solutions to be had lying on the couch of a psychiatrist. Do what “normal” people do, or do something completely different that nobody does. Eventually, something will work for you and provide some level of success and happiness. Diet If you’re sitting around watching TV all day, don’t you ever watch Opra for goodness sakes? I record it primarily for the Dr Oz health segments, but I have found may motivational segments such as “the Secrete” and others.. I am still battling this like everything else. I now have a daily checklist of things I need to eat and I try to get them down early. (I’ll bypass all of the garbage that I eat, and that you probably are eating for now) I take ALA, a belt of Twin labs Emusified cod liver oil, I take tuna and pour pure GNC cod liver oil to enhance the Omega 3’s, I take DMAE, and half a bottle a Bolthouse farms VEDGE juice. Another important element is hydration. When I go to the gym I have a regimen of weights, drinking water, and stretching. I then have a creatine drink after the gym. Same tuna sandwich for lunch, with an apple. Mix in a banann, a head of raw broccli, and some hard boild eggs. Mixed nuts are a good snack too. The point is high protien, lots of raw green vedgies, vitamins, water, and cut out the junk food. I could write an entire book based on the research done on these items, but you are going to need to become your own expert and do some research.
Get back on the stimulant meds, they are part of the solution. They should help cut your cravings for the junk comfort carbs that you are litteraly addicted to and they are litterly rotting your brain and destroying your life.
Cut out all processed sugar and especially high fructose corn syrup. (Recent research.)
The reason my subject said that you are 'headed in the right direction' is because you are on this web site looking for help. I don't know if you are just starting to work this on your own or if you have been reasearching for a while, but this is the key. I see a doctor, but he is just a pill dispenser at best. I have been working on curing myself. The reason I stumbled across your post is because I am looking for some recent research on ADD and High Fructose Corn Syrup. I good start would be for you to pick yourself up, fix yourself up and start going to the library or book store every day. Preferably you could walk some distance. You need to become the expert on ADD and Robin.
Finally, there is the spirituality side. This is very important. It doesn’t sound like you are involved with a church or are very spiritual. I am Catholic and go to a Catholic church, and all I can tell you is, don’t go to a Catholic Church. It’s kind of cold for new comers. But your average non denominational Christian church is full of regular compassionate people who will accept you as is. Pick up a copy of the New Testament, go to some bible studies; this is where you could meet some real friends. After reading for some time, if you feel compelled, begin a conversation with the entity that is responsible for your existence. Feel free to start by cussing him out for all of the shit you have been through and telling him that you’re done. Tell him that your life is in his hands now and please give you some direction. Again, start with reading Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John if you are unfamiliar. These are actually short reads that will acquaint you with the teachings of Jesus.
I hope this helps
|22 Oct 2008 @ 8:56 AM Reply # 3|
Wed 13th Aug 2008
Hi Robin, thanks for posting. Your message touched me. I can relate quite a bit to the experience that you are having right now. I would agree with Eric on the exercise. It helps me tremendously, and it doesn't have to be much. Find something you enjoy so you can look forward to it. For me it was a 15 walk first thing each day. It was hard to do at first, and I am not always consistent with doing it, but I now look forward to my walks, and it makes a noticeable difference in my outlook and how I feel.
Faith is also an important part of my ability to hope, and a church community can indeed be a great source of support. I have begun to see that I am a valuable human being just as I am made and that I do matter. It is a journey, and it can start with a very simple and sincere prayer for help with the struggles you have been and are now having. You can express your frustration and hurt when you pray. That is ok. Sincerity is what matters.
I am sorry that your doctors are so unresponsive. I have found that an unresponsive doctor can be incredibly discouraging. I don't know how flexible you can be with switching doctors, but that would be worth doing if you can. Is there a local ADD or mental health support group or organization that give you advice or recommendations? Looking into that would be worthwhile.
Keep us updated on how you are doing.
|23 Oct 2008 @ 12:20 AM Reply # 4|
Sat 10th Nov 2007
Threads: 5 Posts: 265
My heart goes out to you
God bless, Elaine
Local Time : 18 Jun 2013 9:00 PM
(Wed, 19 Jun 2013 01:00:30 GMT)