Well I am happy to report that I had a major talk with Jeremy several nights ago about his constient need to have control over everything & always feeling the need to have everything his way all the time - I told him that I understand that being a caregiver for my mother is a major stress & there for his OCD acts up more which causes him feel as tho he is loosing control over everything , there for he feels to get that control back he becomes incredibly resistant to anyone trying to help & trying to give their suggestion or ideas. I told Jeremy that I can understand why he doesn't feel in control of his own life & feels as tho my mom & being a caregiver for her causes us to feel as tho we don't have a life of our own . I told him that often feel as tho I am not in control of certain things in my own life - for example I have no control over this whole custdy situation with my son , the fact that another woman is being a mother figure to my son is incredibly hard , the fact that I am not able to hug my son & re assure him that I love him & that everything is going to be ok no matter what happends , that is incredibly hard to deal with . I told Jeremy that I can understand why his angxiety goes up , because he doesn't have that level of control but that the more control he tries to have over every single situation , the more he is just going to exhaust himself & that he has to learn to just give that control to god & know that god will only give Jeremy what knows Jeremy can handle . I did make very clear to jeremy that part of being in a relationship with someone is allowing that other person to express their ideas, thaughts, & feelings and to also realize that he isn't the only one who has struggles . I re enterated to Jeremy that no matter how hard he tries to be in control all the time , that he can't have everything his way like buger king - that some times the simply thing of just letting something go , helps us more than trying to control what ever it is that we are trying to control . Now ever since this talk Jeremy has been much better @ not trying to control me as much as he was - I have re enterated to him that the only person who knows what's best for me is me & that I refuse to allow anyone to tell me what I can or can not do , I am my own person who has her own creative ideas that Jeremy might find if he just opens himself a little more to me when I make a suggestion , give an idea or express my feelings on something that he might find things not to be so difficult and he might also find that we work better together & are able to have better communication . Jeremy didn't really and truely realize how controling he was being , until he read a page in my journal & seeing just ho much it really bother's me - since then he has backed off quite a bit , I have had to remind him a couple of times that I'm a big girl and that I can make decisions for myself but that yes we are one together but that he has to allow me to express my thaught,s feelings, with anything and everything , because that's part of any relationship , it doesn't matter if your married or not married or in a long term comitted relationship . I did make a valid point to Jeremy that i already have enough running my life between being a caregiver for my mother & the situation with my son - I refuse to put with any one else's bull crap , that I have enough on my plate & that I need him to be that soft place for me to fall , just like he needs me to be that soft place for him to fall .

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