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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Hey everyone. I'm new to the website. I just discovered it last week and I'm literally at the breaking point so I thought I would try here. I've been with my boyfriend for two years. He really is a great guy in many ways and I love him. At the beginning of our relationship, he told me he had ADD and I didn't think much of it. In fact, I didn't really notice it. But as I began to spend most of my time with him, I quickly learned the true impact of ADD on both his life and mine. I feel all of the same things that non ADD spouses often feel. He doesn't listen. He doesn't pay attention. It's like I am alone in the relationship. I have to plan everything. I am always on his case. I have to make sure he is on time for everything. He makes promises and doesn't keep them. He doesn't think things through. Basically all of the symptoms...I could go on. For a long time, I thought he didn't love me. He didn't care about me. I know he does, but he just doesn't show it most of the time. I blame myself and I cry a lot. I feel depressed, lonely and frustrated most of the time. I'm not happy. I try as hard as I can to be understanding and realize that it's not his fault and it's not mine either. It's really difficult for me though. I'm naturally impatient (especially when grown adults act like children) and I'm also naturally a very emotionally sensitive person. I have discussed the problems and how I feel with my boyfriend probably hundreds of times over the past two years. Nothing seems to change. And the only time he seems aware of it is when I am crying next to him because I am so frustrated and upset. Also, he seems to try for about a day to be better, but then he quits and is the same again.
Ok...so here is my big problem. My boyfriend just recently asked me to marry him. I said yes because I truly do love him and would like to be with him. But his ADD is making me second guess my answer. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being unhappy or depressed because of these issues. I want to feel what people feel in real, normal relationships. I would prefer not to have to take care of a grown adult and not be in a relationship pretty much by myself. I don't want to get married and then later decide to get a divorce because I can't handle it anymore. I don't want to have children and then take them away from their father.
I love him and want to be with him, but if nothing is going to change then I don't know if I can stay. Is there any advice on how to deal with these problems and also on how to approach my situation? All help would be much appreciated. Thanks!
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14 Oct 2008 @ 11:27 AM
14 Oct 2008 @ 1:47 PM