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He Has to Have His Way All the Time

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Thread : He Has to Have His Way All the Time
7 Oct 2008 @ 7:35 PM
LadyRaines526928	Join Date: Wed 12th Mar 2008 Threads: 42 Posts: 15
He Has to Have His Way All the Time I'm not trying to be negative, but I don't get why Jeremy feels that he has to have his way all the time - I'm well aware that a lot of reasons why he feels that he has to be in control of everything,(including me) is part of his OCD - I know that part of OCD is having control, I know that Jeremy grew up in a house hold where showing emotions were not really allowed , so there for he feels as long as he's in control of everything that he can keep that wall up around his heart so he won't get hurt. Lately Jeremy's need to be in control of everything has really gotten on my nerves - he thinks he's the only one who can get something accomplished, he thinks that no one else can do any better of a job at something other than him. We've gotten to where we argue over the littlest things, I get really angry when ever I'm trying to accomplish a task & Jeremy just expects me to drop what ever i am doing to come help him - I know that with my own ADD I have a hard time finishing tasks, to say the least having my son has helped with that issue - I've worked super hard over the yrs at improving that issue and I've done quite well, I no longer have the issue with not finishing tasks because I get distracted but Jeremy's ADHD his short attention span as well his easy distract ability, starting one task & skipping that task & starting on something else absolutely drives me batty. I try to get Jeremy to slow down & do one task at a time - the other thing that really gets on my nerves is the fact that Jeremy thinks his way is the only way, I've told him several times that part of being in a relationship in general is to allow the other person to express their ideas, thoughts & opinions. Truth of the matter is my opinions, thoughts & ideas are just as important as his thoughts and ideas - I am a very creative person, I love to figure out how to solve problems, to say the least when I was younger problem solving for me was incredibly difficult but now that I am older it seems much easier. I'm often coming up with creative ways to help Jeremy with what ever it is that he needs help with. I just wish he wouldn't get so easily frustrated with me, all I am trying to do is to help him and make things easier on him. Jeremy often complains that he gets no help with things , but when ever I do try to help him , he gets snappy with me & gets incredibly frustrated with me for no reason, I of course back off & leave him be - but then he once again complains that he's not getting any help - how can I help some one when all they do is snap my head off , to my that my clue to just back off and let them be. Jeremy often tells me that he feels he's the only one who is over whelmed and over stressed - truth is Jeremy doesn't realize that I too am over whelmed and over stressed - It's not easy for me either being ADD & being a caregiver for my mom , on top of trying to be the best mother I know to be during this whole custody case & doing what is best for my son William is a lot for me too - I know for Jeremy being ADHD as well as OCD on top of being a caregiver for my mother who suffers from chronic pain is not easy for him - I know he's tired and stressed to the max, I know the only answer to that stress is for my mom to get a home health nurse so that away Jeremy & I both can get a break so we can start putting some balance in our lives , but the balance isn't going to happen until my mom has gotten her home health nurse. Jeremy often complains that he never gets to do what he wants to do - well he's not the only one I haven't been able to go back to school to start working on getting my GED because these days most of my time is spent helping my mom & up to my eye balls in this whole custody mess with William - I'm not saying that those two things are an excuse for me not going back to school , but I know in order to go back to school I have to be 100% committed , I just can't half ass it , I have to be 100% committed to school or else there is no point in even going back if I'm not going to committed to it. I understand where Jeremy coming from , when he says he never has a day to get to do what he wants to do - I've put my desire to go back to school on the back burner to take care of other things that are important right now like my son & that whole situation - Jeremy isn't the only one who isn't getting to do what he wants , I just wish he would see things from my eyes , instead of just looking at things from his point of view first. I wish there was an medication alternative ( herbal ) medication or supplement that Jeremy could take for his ADHD & OCD , because if there is I think if he tried something like an herbal supplement, that he would find he would be a happier person. The fact that the mental health services here in Asheville NC aren't all that great, and need improvements - not to mention the fact that Jeremy's Medicaid and Medicare won't pay for anything of this - and when some one sees his criminal back ground they automatically reject him , even tho the man has not been in trouble in 6 yrs. It's kinda hard to get the help you need, when the state that you live in doesn't have the services that you need and the services that they do have stink. Any advice? Quote

Thread : He Has to Have His Way All the Time

7 Oct 2008 @ 7:35 PM

LadyRaines526928

Join Date: Wed 12th Mar 2008
Threads: 42 Posts: 15

He Has to Have His Way All the Time

I'm not trying to be negative, but I don't get why Jeremy feels that he has to have his way all the time - I'm well aware that a lot of reasons why he feels that he has to be in control of everything,(including me) is part of his OCD - I know that part of OCD is having control, I know that Jeremy grew up in a house hold where showing emotions were not really allowed , so there for he feels as long as he's in control of everything that he can keep that wall up around his heart so he won't get hurt. Lately Jeremy's need to be in control of everything has really gotten on my nerves - he thinks he's the only one who can get something accomplished, he thinks that no one else can do any better of a job at something other than him. We've gotten to where we argue over the littlest things, I get really angry when ever I'm trying to accomplish a task & Jeremy just expects me to drop what ever i am doing to come help him - I know that with my own ADD I have a hard time finishing tasks, to say the least having my son has helped with that issue - I've worked super hard over the yrs at improving that issue and I've done quite well, I no longer have the issue with not finishing tasks because I get distracted but Jeremy's ADHD his short attention span as well his easy distract ability, starting one task & skipping that task & starting on something else absolutely drives me batty. I try to get Jeremy to slow down & do one task at a time - the other thing that really gets on my nerves is the fact that Jeremy thinks his way is the only way, I've told him several times that part of being in a relationship in general is to allow the other person to express their ideas, thoughts & opinions. Truth of the matter is my opinions, thoughts & ideas are just as important as his thoughts and ideas - I am a very creative person, I love to figure out how to solve problems, to say the least when I was younger problem solving for me was incredibly difficult but now that I am older it seems much easier. I'm often coming up with creative ways to help Jeremy with what ever it is that he needs help with. I just wish he wouldn't get so easily frustrated with me, all I am trying to do is to help him and make things easier on him. Jeremy often complains that he gets no help with things , but when ever I do try to help him , he gets snappy with me & gets incredibly frustrated with me for no reason, I of course back off & leave him be - but then he once again complains that he's not getting any help - how can I help some one when all they do is snap my head off , to my that my clue to just back off and let them be. Jeremy often tells me that he feels he's the only one who is over whelmed and over stressed - truth is Jeremy doesn't realize that I too am over whelmed and over stressed - It's not easy for me either being ADD & being a caregiver for my mom , on top of trying to be the best mother I know to be during this whole custody case & doing what is best for my son William is a lot for me too - I know for Jeremy being ADHD as well as OCD on top of being a caregiver for my mother who suffers from chronic pain is not easy for him - I know he's tired and stressed to the max, I know the only answer to that stress is for my mom to get a home health nurse so that away Jeremy & I both can get a break so we can start putting some balance in our lives , but the balance isn't going to happen until my mom has gotten her home health nurse. Jeremy often complains that he never gets to do what he wants to do - well he's not the only one I haven't been able to go back to school to start working on getting my GED because these days most of my time is spent helping my mom & up to my eye balls in this whole custody mess with William - I'm not saying that those two things are an excuse for me not going back to school , but I know in order to go back to school I have to be 100% committed , I just can't half ass it , I have to be 100% committed to school or else there is no point in even going back if I'm not going to committed to it. I understand where Jeremy coming from , when he says he never has a day to get to do what he wants to do - I've put my desire to go back to school on the back burner to take care of other things that are important right now like my son & that whole situation - Jeremy isn't the only one who isn't getting to do what he wants , I just wish he would see things from my eyes , instead of just looking at things from his point of view first. I wish there was an medication alternative ( herbal ) medication or supplement that Jeremy could take for his ADHD & OCD , because if there is I think if he tried something like an herbal supplement, that he would find he would be a happier person. The fact that the mental health services here in Asheville NC aren't all that great, and need improvements - not to mention the fact that Jeremy's Medicaid and Medicare won't pay for anything of this - and when some one sees his criminal back ground they automatically reject him , even tho the man has not been in trouble in 6 yrs. It's kinda hard to get the help you need, when the state that you live in doesn't have the services that you need and the services that they do have stink. Any advice?

Quote

11 Oct 2008 @ 11:34 PM Reply # 1
ADD RN	Join Date: Wed 21st Nov 2007 Threads: 6 Posts: 135
I wanted to answer last night but I was so tired Sometimes I don't think men think we are as busy as they are. I some tiimes wish I was single just because I wouldn't fight with my husband all the time. Unfortunately it isn't easy being ADD and being in a relationship because it difficult when we are impulsive and we have the pressures of the thing s in our lives to make it even harder. Unfortunately with said you know Jeremy it up to you to make a decision and figure out if he is someone you want to spend your life with becasue frankly I don't think he will change . The reason I say this is because he really doesn't really listen to you from what I gather from your blogs. Finsh your GED and stop trying get him to hear you because you will be just frustrated. Don't feel you ned to do it all. ;and give him the right to complain especially when he is taking care of your mother. He is OCD as well so he has his anxiety that he needs to abay at times For your realtionship it will be alittle more difficult if you don't find time to listen; and don't have have your emotions so raw. If you two get into an argument just remove yourself go for a walk. Don't do to much yelling or letting him belittle you. I know how resentment can get you so tired of the relationship I know all this because I am going to proably divorce my husband sometime in th esummer . Sad thing I hav ebeen married 23 years. Life with him has become so difficult. He has taken the stance that nothing I say or do matters. And of course what he says goes only. I on the other hand I know I am well edcudated , mother who finds life engaging ; and I refuse to let him disregrd me. So be careful before you get into a bind where the only option is seperation so you both can be yourself. Quote

11 Oct 2008 @ 11:34 PM Reply # 1

ADD RN

Join Date: Wed 21st Nov 2007
Threads: 6 Posts: 135

I wanted to answer last night but I was so tired

Sometimes I don't think men think we are as busy as they are. I some tiimes wish I was single just because I wouldn't fight with my husband all the time. Unfortunately it isn't easy being ADD and being in a relationship because it difficult when we are impulsive and we have the pressures of the thing s in our lives to make it even harder. Unfortunately with said you know Jeremy it up to you to make a decision and figure out if he is someone you want to spend your life with becasue frankly I don't think he will change . The reason I say this is because he really doesn't really listen to you from what I gather from your blogs. Finsh your GED and stop trying get him to hear you because you will be just frustrated. Don't feel you ned to do it all. ;and give him the right to complain especially when he is taking care of your mother. He is OCD as well so he has his anxiety that he needs to abay at times For your realtionship it will be alittle more difficult if you don't find time to listen; and don't have have your emotions so raw. If you two get into an argument just remove yourself go for a walk. Don't do to much yelling or letting him belittle you. I know how resentment can get you so tired of the relationship

I know all this because I am going to proably divorce my husband sometime in th esummer . Sad thing I hav ebeen married 23 years. Life with him has become so difficult. He has taken the stance that nothing I say or do matters. And of course what he says goes only. I on the other hand I know I am well edcudated , mother who finds life engaging ; and I refuse to let him disregrd me. So be careful before you get into a bind where the only option is seperation so you both can be yourself.

Quote

12 Oct 2008 @ 12:13 AM Reply # 2
LadyRaines526928	Join Date: Wed 12th Mar 2008 Threads: 42 Posts: 15
Thanks for the advice Thank you so much for your advice, I really do appreciate it - I did have a major talk with Jeremy a couple of nights ago & told him that I was no longer going to put up him being so controling with me & everything else- I made it quite clear to him that he's not the only one who is stressed out & over whelmed . I told him that I do understand how being a caregiver for my mother causes his OCD to spike & go into over driver , there for him feeling the need to obey his rituals but that I am not part of his rituals & I will no particapate in his rituals , I also made it clear to him that he can't be my parental unit , that I am a grown woman & that I am more than capible o making my own decisions - I told him that the only person who knows what's best for me is (me) just like Jeremy is the only one who knows what's best for him , no one else . You see I am the type of person who does what she wants no matter how contoling someone might be , even when Jeremy does all he can to get me under his control I rebel & do my own thing no matter how irritates he gets , after a while he just gives up & goes about his business . To say the least I get my point accross - I am very strong willed & strong minded person - I told Jeremy the other night that he doesn't run me , he's not my boss and the more he tries to control me , the more he'll find that I'm not going to as apt to help him when he needs my help - but if he would just chill out & relax and not be a stuburn mule of man & do the gotta have everything his way like BK , then I would more apt to be understanding about his OCD & his issues with not getting to do the things he wants . Quote

12 Oct 2008 @ 12:13 AM Reply # 2

LadyRaines526928

Join Date: Wed 12th Mar 2008
Threads: 42 Posts: 15

Thanks for the advice

Thank you so much for your advice, I really do appreciate it - I did have a major talk with Jeremy a couple of nights ago & told him that I was no longer going to put up him being so controling with me & everything else- I made it quite clear to him that he's not the only one who is stressed out & over whelmed . I told him that I do understand how being a caregiver for my mother causes his OCD to spike & go into over driver , there for him feeling the need to obey his rituals but that I am not part of his rituals & I will no particapate in his rituals , I also made it clear to him that he can't be my parental unit , that I am a grown woman & that I am more than capible o making my own decisions - I told him that the only person who knows what's best for me is (me) just like Jeremy is the only one who knows what's best for him , no one else . You see I am the type of person who does what she wants no matter how contoling someone might be , even when Jeremy does all he can to get me under his control I rebel & do my own thing no matter how irritates he gets , after a while he just gives up & goes about his business . To say the least I get my point accross - I am very strong willed & strong minded person - I told Jeremy the other night that he doesn't run me , he's not my boss and the more he tries to control me , the more he'll find that I'm not going to as apt to help him when he needs my help - but if he would just chill out & relax and not be a stuburn mule of man & do the gotta have everything his way like BK , then I would more apt to be understanding about his OCD & his issues with not getting to do the things he wants .

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