Marriage is a two way street. If he is not taking his medication, and is not talking to you then there is not much I can suggest. But here are a few tips for your next relationship because you'll likely be attracted to someone similar to your husband again.

When I married, I didn't know I had ADD and I don't think being married to someone with ADD will ever be easy. I know that I felt picked on when my spouse would ask why simple tasks were not fully completed. I felt like I could never live up to the expectations no matter how hard I tried. So there were several things that we did which have been very helpful. Go to a marriage counselor. I recommend starting while you’re still dating. Marriage counselors should be thought of as necessary regular maintenance rather than a last resort. I recommend Imago. The basic premise behind Imago is that some part of our brain has this attraction to (re enact) ANY familiar (prior, frequently repeated) behavior pattern that you were exposed to - no matter how positive or negative that experience may have been. Secondly try to go to Al-Anon (even if no members of your family are alcoholics) to learn ways to deal with those historical negative behavior patterns. Thirdly both parties should go to their own individual counselors regularly to blow off steam. And finally don't get into a serious conversation with your spouse when you are feeling hungry, angry, lonely or tired. BTW counseling isn’t inexpensive, so factor it into you budget as a must have and not as an optional item.

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Hi there:

I'm so sorry to hear about the problems in your marriage and your husband's reaction to the split. It sounds like he's taken an extreme stance (not uncommon in ADDers, as I'm sure you know) by going off medication, cutting off communication and refusing help. I won't say the odds are stacked against you, but you may need to call in some reinforcements to help your husband turn a corner... does he have any close friends, siblings, or parent(s) to whom you could go for help in talking with him? Once you can open up the lines of communication again, everything can change...

And to that end, here are some great ADDitude articles written specifically for spouses of ADDers...

Married to It: When Your Spouse Has ADD

Married to ADHD: Relationship Advice for You and Your Attention Deficit Spouse

I Realized Our Marriage Was in Trouble

and more ADHD Relationship Advice

I hope this helps!

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