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Diagnosis + Med = Identity Crisis
After I starting Adderall I see the world and myself very differently. In many ways it's been an amazing experience, yet also very unsettling. I spent many years trying to make myself into the person I thought I should be; I couldn't understand why I had so many problems with so many different things in so many different areas, especially when others seemed to handle those things easily. Now, with meds and knowledge of ADD, I do understand.
But now, I also realize that the person I thought I should be; the person I thought I would be, once I stopped being 'lazy, stupid and crazy', is not who I am or want to be. (goodness, did that make a bit of sense?)
For many years I thought I knew what I wanted, what I needed to do to get there and how it should be done--I just couldn't manage to do it. Now, after a year on meds, I am beginning to adjust to some of the changes, but I didn't expect to experience such a profound identity crisis. Actually, crisis really isn't the right word, in many ways it feels liberating, but still a very strange experience for me. From my reading on ADHD, books, forums, journal articles, I haven't really seem this issue addressed. I did read Sari Solden's _Journey's Through ADDulthood_, but I didn't find it very useful. I'm seeing a therapist, but I've seen lots of therapists over the years without much success;hopefully having the right diagnosis will help.
So, I'd like to hear from others about how their diagnosis of ADHD in adulthood impacted their sense of self. What did you experience when you first started meds? Did your view of the world change because of the meds? How did you react (relieved, excited, frustrated, uneasy)? How have others reacted? Don't feel limited by my questions, I'd just like to hear your perspective. And if you've read Solden's book, what did you get from it?
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2 Oct 2008 @ 8:03 PM
6 Oct 2008 @ 9:03 AM