Happy,

If you have the insurance coverage and/or can afford it, I would try to find counseling/therapy with someone who understands ADHD. They are usually familiar with related aspects such as having low self-esteem, shyness, guilt, etc. that can be common in females with ADHD.

If you can't do that, or in addition to that, I would highly recommend the book, "Boundaries" by Christian psychologists Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They actually have several books relating to Boundaries for more specific situations. I just got the CD version of "Boundaries in Marriage" from my library to listen to while I am driving. I know that setting boundaries with others, my husband in particular, is something I need to understand better and put into practice more often. It will teach you healthy ways of dealing with others who try to control you or make you feel guilty.

If I were to make a list of recommended reading for women with ADHD (esp. the inattentive type), the various "Boundaries" books would definitely be on the list. There are some other books for women with ADHD that you might find helpful. Some of the better known authors that deal with women and ADHD are Sari Solden, Patricia Quinn, Kathleen Nadeau, and Lynn Weiss. Research the authors at your library and you should be able to find some of their books. Good luck, Elaine

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Elaine, Thank you for your response. I will make a trip to the library tomorrow. Yesterday was not a good day for me. Not only do I have tremendous guilt, I have been cursed by being a "people pleaser".

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Please know that you aren't alone in feeling the need to escape and be alone. I'm one of those people: I dread the phone, people knocking at my door, those events after work/school where you're expected to socialize. I come home from school exhausted on most days just by the sheer magnitude of interacting with others and sooo much stimuli to fight off of an ADHD mind.

I'm a 30 something who has gone back to school for a dental degree. Late diagnosis after years of misdiagnosis. vyvanse 20 mg and 5mg daily.

Many peers can't understand why I don't want people calling me, or wanting to socialize outside of school hours or to "do more" socially with other people. Truth is: I like my personal life to be private, silent, peaceful and a sanctuary from the hectic world outside of me. I've lost friends but actually became ok with it. I'm happier now.

Don't feel guilty for your needs. As females, we're expected to be more social, giving, selfless etc. That expectation of gender shall never change but.. Some of us need more battery recharging time than others before we're able to "give" to the world. Don't feel badly for white lies either.. I've used them to maintain my sanity . Not everyone understands what its like to have ADHD and how exhausting a day in the world with full on stimuli can be.

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I am the same way but do try to include social time now once a month. I want to ease into it so as not to feel pressured about it. My therapist reccomended that I can handle that. I also need to plan ahead so it doesn't interfere with school. It hasn't been so bad. As far as your mom. Your mom just wants attention. Older folks easily feel marginalized and not a part of things. Kind of shoved out of the way. If she knew she would have a call or a visit from you once a month, she would be happier and feel loved. Don't take her accusations seriously. Hurting people strike out more often than just state their needs. Start small to promise her something. I did this for my mom, I am glad because she is gone now. I try to lighten up more often as I do better on exams, socially, etc. My daughter read that we ADDers tend to take everything on our plate as a priority. That opened my eyes. Also venting here or paper sure helps to decompress and sort things out. We ADDers especially need a venting place.

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I understand you. I stay at home and avoid any contact with people. My relatives acused me to be impolite because I never pay attention to the special days such as birthdays, parties, celebrations. I think we don´t need special occasions to show some love (that and the fact I always forget those things). Others opinion do not have to deal with your own opinion about yourself. I am happy as I am. I just explained everyone I love what they can or can not expect from me (and belive me, I was sincere). They understood pretty well. Your mother loves you as much as you loves her. Be brave and talk to her about your feelings, the things that worry you and the support you would like to have. People are willing to help. As soon as you be sincere you will feel more confident. I wish you the best.

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Hi, my mom is pretty controlling and loves to use guilt as a way to make you do the things that she wants you to do. However, I have finally at the age of 42 come to accept that it is just her way. I can go for long stretches without talking to her and be just fine about it, however, she hates it. So, I make a point of contacting her at least once or twice a month just to check in. It seems to appease her and takes the guilt off my shoulders. I have Add as well and I too am uncomfortable in many social situations. I have few friends but the ones I do have accept my shortcomings and therefore are better friends for it. I tell people the truth that I am just uncomfortable with new people, and sometimes just content to be on my own. I ask them not to take it personally, I still care for them, I just prefer solitude to crowds. Friends are an important part of life, if for no other reason but to be there when you really need someone. I am by no means an expert but I hope this helps a little at least.

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