I assume your daughter has an IEP for her? I just found some books this morning referenced on the internet that I am going to check into myself. The authors names are Wrightslaw, Siegel, Mayerson, Bateman, and Eason for five of the books that I am going to be checking into. Maybe you have already read some of these books which offer aids for dealing with the schools, but I am new to this and have not read any of these and figure I need to education myself if there is something else to ask for. The books by Mayerson re. how to compromise with the school without really copromising and the books by Wrightslaw, the special ed survival guide sound the most interesting to me.

The school definitely cannot be "seeing" your child out of the classroom and not letting you know. If you do not get answers from the person who is talking to your daughter, keep going 'up the ladder', one position at a time, e.g., school counselor, thier boss who I would guess is the assistant principal, then the principal, then the asst supt, then the supt of your school district. If you still get no answers, start calling the board members and explaining the situation. Nicely say that if forced to, you will get an attorney, but are hoping to resolve this without doing that. Worst case, go to the next board meeting and air it in public. Anything necessary for your child's sake.

I have heard from parents who's children are already out of college that I may have to 'stay in their faces' to get what is needed for my child. Unfortunately, it sounds like you may have the same road ahead of you. Schools are facing financial issues and will try to cut back wherever they feel they can get away with it.

Try to remain calm (easier said than done, I know), do some reading to educate yourself if you have not already done so, and push forward. Hopefully, if the need be, you will have the money to throw at an attorney that specializes in these issues with schools, as your last resort. I am going to our local library today to see if they have any books by the above listed authors.

Hope this helps, and best of luck.

LE

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Wow. I can understand your frustration - and fear for your daughter. Le is right that the school should not be yanking your daughter from class for counseling without your knowledge and permission. This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship with the school. I wonder: Have you spoken with the school counselor directly? Perhaps he/she feels just as awkward about speaking with your daughter behind your back but was ordered to do so?

Regardless, ADDitude has some great resources that should help a bit.

First, here are our best articles about working with your child's school on ADHD accommodations.

And here are our best archives about specific school accommodations for ADHD students including free downloads that you can share with teachers and administrators.

Finally, some information about using daily report cards to help ADHD students behave in the classroom.

I hope all of this helps and you're able to start a productive conversation with your daughter's school!

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This may not be what you want to hear right now, but I am going to show another side to your story. First, at a back to school night teachers are so overwhelmed with parents in and out that having a serious conversation with parents is impossible. Instead of waiting for conferences, the teacher should have set up another time to talk with you. That is also something you can request at anytime. As a school counselor, I can tell you that it depends on school policy (and maybe the state you are in) about whether or not school counselors have to have parental permission to see your child. I am a counselor and I do not need parent permission to talk a student. Not that this is applicable in your story, but students experiencing abuse, neglect, etc. would never be helped if that were the case. You say your daughter has voiced concern about being pulled to you; has she done so with the counselor? Have you talked with the counselor about other services your student is receiving outside of the school? Also keep in mind that the counselor is probably working with your daughter on different issues than your daughter is dealing with her other counselor. Social issues, homework issues, frustration, etc. are all specific items that the school counselor may be dealing with. There often is not time for all of that, in addition to things at home, with a mental health counselor. Through brief counseling (this is the problem -- what specific things can you do to make it better) on a regular basis, you can see some amazing changes for your daughter, give her an outlet for days that are really hard for her, and an advocate within the school. Instead of being upset that she is being "yanked", call the counselor and set up a meeting. Talk to her about your feelings in an assertive, but not confrontational, way. Maybe what she explains to you will help you see the value of her help, or you can express your desire for your daughter not to be counseled. Hope this helps! Good Luck!

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I have a simular situation with my 8 year old son. We are currently in a battle with the his teacher and the school principal/superintendant over what testing needs to be done and why. According to my son's pyschiatrist ADHD children should have an academic test and an IQ assesment in order to determine what, if any learning disabilities the child has. We are in the process of having this done with my son. Once this is done we will do and IEP or Section 504 plan to establish formal modifications that his teacher must comply with in order to help him learn to the best of his ability. I would suggest that you start this same process. The tests are to be done at school and at no charge to you. This website has great info on how to go about requesting testing (even has a moch letter). We have been dealing with my son's ADHD diagnosis since he was 4 and have been through every stimulant available. He is non-tolerant to stimulants and had very aggressive behavior when on them. We have been using a different approach with him that seems to be working as best as we can expect considering his medication issues. We use Welbutrin and Clonodine (a high blood pressure med) together to help calm him down and try to get him to focus better. He still has a hard time staying on task. We also had great open communication and empathetic teachers for the last two years and this year wham! The teacher and the principal are telling us that they are already using modifications/accomidations and they will test him for some things but that he is smart so he will not qualify for an IEP or 504. Although they are using some accomodations, they are ignoring the ones we have specifically requested to be implemented. That is why we are getting the tests done and going ahead with the IEP or 504. Stay calm (I know it is hard) when dealing with the teacher or other administrator and continue to be firm about what your daughter needs. Put everything in writing and request they do the same. They should not be pulling your daughter from class for counseling unless you requested it. I would definately put my foot down on that one or request transcripts of the sessions. Make sure you tell your daughter that she can tell you anything no matter what someone else (even the teacher or counseler) tells her. As long as she is a minor you have a right to know what is going on. Good luck!

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