Hi Sabrina - Having kids with this condition is so isolating sometimes. I have friends, relatives, etc. but I still feel so alone sometimes. These kids can be so anti-social sometimes, and whether it's teachers, friends mom's, or whoever, thay all turn to mom to fix the situation. We go against our instincts and medicate our babies, just to get them to fly right, but sometimes they still don't. I have no advice because I am in the same boat. My kids are different ages and gender: boy 8, girl 3, but we all face the same dilemma's and heart breaks. I turned to CHADD to see if I could join a support group but I found the website registration daunting and gave up. With as many children that are affected, you'd think there would be a better support system. In my case, I find myself becoming so cynical and negative, so maybe many of us are just giving up. I come here because it's the one place that I know I'll be understood and my children will not be judged with such a harsh eye. Hang in there.

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Sabrina, It pains me to hear what you are going through. It is obvious how much you love your boys. We want so much for our children and when they face trials and hardships at such young ages it is disheartening and very much overwhelming. I have 2 children ages 11 and 5. My oldest has been on medication for ADHD since she was 6 years old. Aubrey has been a handfull. She is a sweet ,wonderful, energetic girl with wild moodswings, temper tantrums, and a capacity to argue about everything. I am hoping that this behavior does not escalate but I do know how I was when I was her age and older. The teen years open up so many more areas of opportunity for the ADHD child to contend with. With Aubrey being a girl, many people are surprised to find out that she has ADHD because it has until recently been more associated with boys. They do not seem to believe me that she has this disorder because most of her behaviors are at home or with the family only. I know the feeling of isolation that you have. It is very hard for a person that doesn't have ADHD to understand the stresses that go along with it for the child and the parent. It is hard for them to understand the lack of impulse control that often leads to poor choices that cannot be taken back. I love Additude magazine and have gained so much from it the past year and a half. I hope that you will unload on me at anytime. Make sure you are taking some time for yourself. I have developed high blood pressure the last couple of years and I am sure a lot of it is because of the constant stressers at home. Keep your chin up. Melinda

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Sabrina, I ordered the ADDitude magazine a few days ago, and have been looking on the website. It has helped me tremendously. Like you, I was amazed at the responses, they are so much like me. It feels good that we are not alone. I have felt like the worst mom and this is helping me to realize that we are all doing the best we can. We love our kids and it's painful to see them suffer. I myself, cannot believe the ignorance, bias and absolute myths that are STILL out there about ADD! I am learning to ignore those that believe it's a "made up" diagnosis. I am learning that my son does not try to frustrate me. After my son (14 yrs.) was diagnosed, my husband was diagnosed with adult ADD! No wonder I felt like I was the only one who could make a plan, tell time, remember appointments etc. The late diagnosis came because my son also has a learning difference, a phonemic awareness deficit. We always thought he was not doing well in school etc because of this. I just have one child, so I can't even imagine what you are going through. I'll give you the advice that my husband told me yesterday--Be kind to yourself! I really never thought of it that way, but it's true. We've got to take care of ourselves so that we can be the best parents to our children that we can. Hang in there!!

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My 5 year old daughter was just diagnosed two week s ago but we have been struggling with this for several years. She also has a seepch delay and often stutters at school so we wrote alot of things off to her speech problem. Since she started kindergarden 5 weeks ago it has been the most difficult time we have faced yet. I finally was able to get diagnosed with the help of her wonderful teacher and started on medication. She is the funniest most vibrant person I have had the pleasure to know and I don't want to alter her personality with the medication but I want her to do better in school. So far her teacher says her academics are strong and she just isn't sitting still and touchs her classmates alot. She is also often uncoperative and won't do what she is told. The medication has helped some and we are working on getting the right dose. I have cried so many times and finally had to release it all to GOD. I can't control this and I hope that some one up above is watching over us. I'm not super religious or anything but I don't know where else to turn. My family is supportive and my husband is great but I too feel so much pressure to fix this(which of course will never happen). My mom has been my biggest supporter. I also feel that my older child who is not ADHD suffers b/c my daughter takes so much of our attention. There's a balance. We are all here for each other and this is the support I need also. Good luck to everyone out there that is going through a similar situation! Tonia

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Sabrina, how you manage with three adhd children is amazing, I have one child, and he is adhd. From the lack of school intrest, to the lying and no self control it seems that we are spinning in a black hole. My family does not understand adhd , they feel that he is just spoiled! bottom line we have to be STRONG! and just take it one day at a time. I am new to this, but i hope my husband and I can get some encouragement and learn from others too.

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Hi, Its clear you are a good mom, and I want to make sure you know that. And, BREATHE. Make sure you and the kids are acknowledging the good things, the "wins" you all achieve. Your 19 yr old sounds like a success story so CONGRATULATIONS for that!

Your middle one has some issues that you may or may not be able to control-but you are always an influence. My strategy has been to make a point to talk about a single family rule or value or opinion sprinkled throughout a week. Not commenting on his specific behavior, but social commentary on news events, celebrity "news", a neighborhood incident. And I say things like, "I love you but not that behavior" . The hardest part for me is being calm. But my kids are old enough I can't "make them" do many things, so I talk with them almost like we're talking about a third person. In my mind I was giving up (and a bit depressed) but my husband saw a difference in the kids being calmer. Your comment about wishing the youngest could be off the medicines: he can be, if you want other behaviors. It sounds to me like you aren't comfortable with medication. I went through a time believing that it was something to try to avoid-with chocolate, vitamins,etc. It took a well documented lecture through CHADD for me to understand that medication fills a void, a lack of certain chemicals in the brain. I'm chronically anemic and it wouldn't make sense for me NOT to supplement with what my body is lacking. The local CHADD group had WONDERFUL lectures- maybe your children's psychiatrist's office has the info on a local chapter, it was easy to just show up, and there were books for sale and other parents to talk to. Oh, and a brilliant idea: teens who came to talk about their experiences.

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