Try joining him on a ride for fun a few times on a specific route with him in a leadership role. This will give you a good idea of how he handles the freedom when you're not around. You can also practice with him the things you want him to remember. If you know in your gut he's not ready then trust yourself. Baby steps toward your goal.

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I read your post and understood exactly how you feel...been there done that :-) I've already tried to reply to your post 2 times, this is the third try...hope it shows up! Even though your son is 8, you said yourself that his maturity level is not. When it comes down to it, as hard as it is, you can NOT let him do something just because other kids his age are doing it. For one, he doesn't have the other kids maturity levels and 2)who says those other moms are making good choices? I went through this with my son and here are a couple things to try...first, you could let him ride his bike, but only in front of the house on your street...I would choose a house down on the left and one down on the right..tell him those are his boundaries and he can not pass those, he must stay in the area you have designated. The other thing, if you are feeling a little braver, get some walkie talkies and maybe a stop watch. Set a time limit on how long he can be gone...when the timer is up, he has to be back home (he can wear the stop watch around his neck and it will beep when time is up, so it's not like a watch where he can say he just forgot to look at it). With the walkie talkies you will feel better because you can get on at any moment and ask him where he is...you can use those with the timer or just by themselves since you will be able to communicate with him, you can just tell him when your ready for him to come back. Just make sure you look him in the eyes and go specifically over the rules with him. Let him know that if he fails to follow the rules...gets outside set boundaries, isn't home when stop watch goes off, doesn't answer you when you talk to him on walkie-talkie, then he will be punished and won't be allowed to go out on his own again for a while, which might be several days or several weeks. Just decide what is best for your child and go with it, our motherly instincts are usually pretty good. I would also (I know you already know this, but doesn't hurt to remind him) go over talking to strangers, what they can do to children, danger of cars hitting him, etc... It is really hard with an ADHD child, we just have to trust GOD to help get us and them through these rough years, because there are no easy answers. I hope you get it figured out...Blessings!

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I understand completely. You must keep a must closer reign on him.

My son is 12 and we have his health under control (he is balanced and behaving better and better) yet we limit the decision making that he is responsible for. If we let him ride his bike around the neighborehood there are many desicions that can be made in seconds that can effect his future. My son is very limited to traveling the neighborehood and must not go in homes and if given permision to travel outside of the yard must return every 15 minutes. He obeys because he knows that I will track him down if he doesn't show up and he will have to come inside for the day. Checjk out my story at: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/955233/conquering_adhd_setting_a_boy_free.html?cat=5

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I understand completely. You must keep a must closer reign on him.

My son is 12 and we have his health under control (he is balanced and behaving better and better) yet we limit the decision making that he is responsible for. If we let him ride his bike around the neighborehood there are many desicions that can be made in seconds that can effect his future. My son is very limited to traveling the neighborehood and must not go in homes and if given permision to travel outside of the yard must return every 15 minutes. He obeys because he knows that I will track him down if he doesn't show up and he will have to come inside for the day. Check out my story at: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/955233/conquering_adhd_setting_a_boy_free.html?cat=5

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I have a 9 3/4 year old with ADD. He is able to go to the corner store near our house, and I will sometimes allow him to walk to a local pizza place to pick up a slice. I encourage him to go to the counter in various stores, to ask employees questions, etc. All in an attempt to build his independence. But I know that I can't yet let him do things that don't have an end goal. Without the "mission" he would be off on all tangents. It's hard for me to admit he can't have the freedom I had (of course, we live in Brooklyn and I grew up in the 'burbs), but he can't manage it. Not yet. He's very bright, really sharp, but not "street savvy". He's getting better at crossing streets, but I still worry he's always going to be looking the wrong way. I always try and think of things he can do to spread his wings--but they really are little things.

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I too am torn with this subject. Not only because my son has ADHD but because I am also a police officer. I am trained to think the worst and prepare for the worst. That is one side. The other side is, if I don't teach him now -- he will go off as a "semi-adult" and have NO CLUE about the world. We don't live in a "neighborhood" like you would think of a neighborhood. His friends are close -- but some up to a mile away. We also have several "vacant" lots -- anywhere from 1 to 2 acres in size -- that become "the woods" for the local kids. They have built "forts" and they play there and ride bikes and climb trees and watch animals...........much the same way I did as a kid. But still it's scary as a parent and I get to play over the bad things that I have seen happen or heard happening from kidnapping to being beat up to "wild animals" to getting hit by a car -- you name it, it's gone through my mind. But I know that if I protect him from all these things through his life, how will he ever learn how to deal with them or worse as he gets older. I'm not advocating putting him in harms way or allowing him to go beyond his abilities. So, I got him a cell phone......he's on my plan and it works out great. Here are the boundaries: 1. Always tell me or dad where you are going. 2. I must have an address and phone number to the parents (and we talk -- trust me!). 3. Always have your phone in your pocket when you leave the house -- and you must answer it when I call or text. Or you loose the ability to go. 4. Always make sure BY CALLING ME that I have spoken to parents before going into a friends house. I have to talk to parents before -- first to make sure that they are cool with it and its their house he is going in -- but it gives him an out and makes me the "bad guy" if someone invites him in and he shouldn't be there. 5. If you need a ride -- CALL ME! Do not get into the car with anyone unless they are on the "approved" list (ie. certain friends parents, football coach, etc). Again, this gives him an out and allows me to give freedoms based on me knowing the person. 6. Do not leave the boundaries. We have set up the boundaries as to what is too far away or unsafe. For example, our POA park is outside the boundaries only because it is on a peninsula at the lake. There are certain criteria that must be met and I must be asked before going to the park (ie. more than 2 kids, people at the park, no getting near the water, adult or older sibling going, purpose for being there, etc.). Also, anywhere near the main road is off limits -- too heavily traveled and ppl speed. 7. Call me if general activity or location is changing. (playing in the woods then going to a friends back yard to play baseball). 8. If you get distracted and stay too long to be home by dark -- DON'T LEAVE, call me and I'll come pick you up.

This has been the greatest thing for him and for us. Usually there is a time limit -- like call me in 2 hours -- just to check in. Best part -- most of these are his rules! And I've been called to come pick him up. I've been called for permission to go to the park -- there are times when it's granted and times when it isn't. I call or txt just to see what's going on or give a reminder of the time left til dark. Since February -- there has not been a violation. And here's the funny thing -- since he set these rules for himself, he holds his friends to them too. They all stop to call to go to the park. They all send a txt if they are changing location. They remind each other what the boundaries are. It's really been neat to see.

And there have been problems come up -- and he calls me. That way I can help him think through it, look at his options and make the best decision. He has become a better decision maker and he has become a leader among his friends in the area.

Oh, and when it's my house they are coming to -- they will come to door with phones to their ears asking if its ok. I prefer it when they are here. My house is a safe haven -- but parents will always know (barring the parents being a danger to the child).

I worry still -- but I'm not nearly as petrified as I was before. BTW - my child is 10 and these rules have been in place since he was 9. He has earned more priveleges and more time and more 'freedom' based on his behavior. He also knows that it will be taken away instantly should he violate this -- no questions, no discussion, no nothing.

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I have a 13 yr old son, diagnosed late with inattentive ADD (within last year). Understand fully and it gets harder as they get older. It's difficult but when he is away from us--"hanging out with friends" I call him frequently and he has to call me as well. I also check where he is at and if he is at a house I speak with the parents etc. My son gets tired of this but it's the only way I can trust him and feel comfortable letting him do this. I am sure some of the parent's, probably most of them think I am way overprotective, because I never get a call from them checking if I am home. But they are not dealing with an ADD child and really don't get it. I don't really care what they think I have to go with my comfort zone. You just have to be very clear with your son that this is what is expected of him and you need to be clear what the consequences are if he doesn't follow through.

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