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31 Aug 2008 @ 10:25 PM
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| Taylorsmommy |
Join Date:
Sun 31st Aug 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 0 |
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Hi...I'm new here
Hi everyone.I am new here and wanted to introduce myself.So...here it goes.My name is Leah.I'm 31.I live in South Florida.I'm married (for a year and a half).I am a stay at home mom.My daughter is 8 1/2 years old and has ADHD.She was diagnosed with ADHD a while ago-about 4 years ago I guess-and we've been trying to handle it as best as we can.Like I said,I'm married.But I've only been married for 1 1/2 years,he's a wonderful guy.My daughter's biological father has no contact with her whatsoever,and believe me...thats fine (he's got "issues").So for years it was just my daughter and I.We have an extremely close relationship.Its always been my daughter and I...side by side.So anyways,she's had a rough time growing up.I feel I can open up completely here so I will,and hopefully I won't get critized TOO much.Her biological father,who lives in another state, was very abusive towards me,and she witnessed it alot (she hasn't seen him in 4,almost 5 years).His second home was jail,so we stayed at his sisters house 90% of the time.My daughter was molested at age 4 by her cousin (her dad's nephew)...etc.you get the picture by now when I say "a rough time growing up".After I found out she was being molested,we left and moved back to florida to be with my family.She is very close to my parents.When we moved back down here,I took her to get tessted for ADHD. Thats our story.I met my husband.We are expecting our first child together in Dec.08. My daughter is so excited.Finally someone for her to boss around.LOL. I joined this group hopefully to get some advice when I need it...to make friends, and of course for support.My husband is a wonderful man.BUT....he does not understand.I really do mean it.He thinks she can control her ability to sit still and pay attention.She had to repeat the 2nd grade.He has no patience alot of the times.He can't seem to understand that she has no control over this,and she's not doing it on purpose.We get into alot of fights because his lack of understanding.When he says I don't layout the rules enough for her...I ask him for his imput...he says he will help.Nope.he doesn't and I'm left to do it all myself.He is a yeller.He doesn't understand the concept or saying "you have to let stuff roll off your back" (a.k.a-you pick and choose your battles).I've told him that a zillion times.She is very oppositional (defiant),and is extremely attached to me.Bedtime...good Gd.School so far has been okay.but they just started school here so the real work hasn't begun.She HAS been tested by the school.She is one medication,concerta.We have tried every medicine out there,and every dose.Some calm her down....but make her a zombie.And those ones,they keep her up at night.She's on Concerta now.Its okay.Doesn't really do much.She has no trouble making friends....KEEPING them is the problem.I'm her source of fun and entertainment.She can make new friends and play well with other kids like its nothing.Like when we go to the park,she has found kids to play with.At home....nothing.There are no "play dates" or sleepovers.I feel horrible for her.She's really a sweet kid,and could care less what you look like,how much money you have...she just wants friends.Oh,and back to my husband.He means well,and wants the best for her but he doesn't get ADHD.Nor does he try and that makes things more stressful and just makes her a reck when he yells.I try to be as patient as I can and try not to overload her.Do I get frustrated?Gd yes.There are times I just sit there and cry because I want to help her.I run out of resources (i'm not rich).I just want her to be a happy kid and grow up to be a happy adult and know,regardless of this ADHD..she can do anything (look at Phleps!).... So....now that I wrote you guys a novel...hopefully this place will be my "home away from home" (sorta speak). |
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31 Aug 2008 @ 11:39 PM
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| Elaine20 |
Join Date:
Sat 10th Nov 2007
Threads: 4 Posts: 208 |
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Welcome
Hi Leah (aka Taylor'smommy),
Last edited by Elaine20 : 31 Aug 2008 @ 11:40 PM.
Reason: Spacing
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3 Sep 2008 @ 3:09 PM
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| kibarra |
Join Date:
Wed 25th Jun 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 0 |
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It'll get better...
Hey there.. Well, sorry to hear about all that you & especially your daughter, have had to deal with. I have a 7 yr. old son with ADHD. He takes medication. I am ADD and am trying to get on medicine as well. It was tough to put my little boy on meds, but looking back knowing that I was ADD and if I would'vehave the choice to have help from meds while in school...I would have definitely taken them. I thought something was wrong with me (it was, but you know what I mean), I didn't know I was ADD at the time...but now I do :-) Life with an ADD/ADHD child is hard...most people do not understand nor do they want to understand unless they are in the same situation. I feel as parents of these children, we have to be more protective than with regular children, because of how people react to them. My husband just thought our son needed disipline, but once he read letters from the teacher and went to the dr. for his diagnosis, He somewhat accepted it. He still isn't understanding like I am, but he is making progress. I just pray that my son will either be healed, or that others will accept him for who he is. There are some great books (and cd's if he won't read) that he could read/listen too...it might take some talking him into, but it would really help educate him on the way an ADHD child thrives. I can't blame people that aren't educated about this type of thing, I mean after all, there are children with all kinds of illnesses and I am not educated myeslf on most of them...their parents probably feel the same way and wish we would educate ourselves on their childs dissability. Long story short, you don't want to fight with your husband about this...that just adds to the problem and puts a strain on your marriage...If you come to him in a nice, loving way, without being frustrated...and tell him how you feel, sit down and listen to some cd's with info about ADHD together...eventually he will come around. Ask him "honey, how do you think we can help her"... You can get his support, it is just going to take time and patience, which is easier said than done, I know...but it will get better... |
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3 Sep 2008 @ 9:34 PM
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3
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| Rach |
Join Date:
Wed 3rd Sep 2008
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Taylor sounds like my daughter
And my husband has his head in the sand. He loves his daughter but has no idea what life is like for her. Yelling and gruff commands is all he seems to be capable of where she is concerned. From the very first phone call from her preschool (at age 3-- now 8) to making the decision to repeat the 1st grade last year, he has not been there for her or me. The many countless appointments (doctors, schools, counselors, etc..), phone calls, missed work, insurance coverage matters, family issues, the tears, heart break and HOPEFULNESS have all been mine. I call her my work in progress - she giggles at that. Life could be filled with hospitals or worse - at least she is healthy and I am not crying tears of grief. I've got Sunshine on a rainy day, when it's cold outside, I've got the month of May" (from the song My Girl) - she ask me to sing it often. I find little things like this keep both my daughter and myself sane. She doesn't want to be this way - She ask often "Why can't I be NORMAL" I say normal isn't special!!!!
Last edited by Rach : 3 Sep 2008 @ 9:48 PM.
Reason: Spelling and to add
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