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can relate
Hi Christy,
I remember reading your first post a few weeks ago, and reading this one today made me think of that earlier post...then I realized that you were the one who wrote both of them, lol. First, I'm so sorry to hear of your sister's and your cousin's cancer...I can't imagine how upset you must be feeling about all of this. I lost my best friend to lung cancer a few years ago (I was 26 at the time) and it was a very sad time for me to endure.
I can also relate to what you wrote about the "brain fog" thing...that happens to me too, when I'm overwhelmed with too much to process and things keep adding up that I just can't respond to fast enough. It's frustrating and downright frightening at times...I've found most people don't understand because it doesn't happen to them, but among ADD'ers here I've found a few who knew exactly what I was talking about--believe me, you aren't alone!
What really struck me most about the posts of yours that I've read, is the impression I get of your boyfriend's unsupportiveness. That really strikes a nerve with me, as my husband is often like that with me...and it really, really, REALLY hurts, especially after nearly 10 years of marriage. If I had known how not only unsupportive he'd be, but how critical, demanding, unforgiving, unmerciful, etc he would be to me over the years...I would have saved myself the pain of the last almost-10 years of sorrow and loneliness. One example--you told him that your sister's chemo isn't working and she's dying...and he responded so COLDLY with the reply that she was dead when they diagnosed her...does he have a heart at all????? That's just so NOT rational to say to a loved one who is facing the death of her sister!!!!! Very inappropriate and hearltless!
It's understandable if a boyfriend/husband occasionally says something that may be insensitive--everyone's human after all. But if there's a consistent pattern of hurtful, disrespectful, un-loving behavior...please, please, PLEASE do not ignore a red warning flag like that. I disregarded my own gut feelings about what I experienced with my husband, and I cannot even begin to tell you the hell my married life with him has been over these years. What you've described seems to have a lot of similarities to to the emotional/psychological/verbal abuse I've been facing. My husband acted loving, warm, charming, etc...then turned on me later on down the road. There are times when things are especially AWFUL with him, then those awful times are often followed by periods where he seems nice, kind, loving, remorseful about how he acted, etc...(which I later realized was a strategy (unconscious, perhaps?) he used to get me to believe that he actually WAS a loving, respectful husband and that there was hope for us--and with all my heart I so much wanted to believe he was being sincere and he'd stop the emotional abuse/neglect/withholding of affection.) But then after every period of pseudo-calm, he'd begin the disrespectful, hurtful, behavior--it was just a matter of time. It's a vicious cycle that not only keeps repeating...but often gets worse over the years. Perhaps I'm WAY OFF (I hope so!) but now that I've been through the hell I've gone through...the things you mentioned he says raise a lot of warning flags for me, personally.
I'm so sorry for your pain, in dealing with your sister's and cousin's illness. I hope the treatment does have an effect and that they will each experience healing miracles in their lives. I'll remember you in my prayers, too!
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28 Aug 2008 @ 1:33 PM
28 Aug 2008 @ 9:40 PM