|
When Your Family Turns on Your Child.... Sorry, Long Post
To make a very long and painful story short, when my son was was born and it soon came to light that he was a challenge to parent, my family in general, particulary my parents hated him. Everything could be attributed to my lack of parenting skills. Finally a diagnosis came, followed by years of counseling for my son as well as myself, medication, IEPs and all the ups and downs of raising an ADHD child.
Despite the diagnosis and a medical reason for my son's problems, my family continued to ostracize him - his young cousins would have nothing to do with him and his grandparents hated him.
When he grew into an adult and graduated High school, he threw his medication away. He was 18, an adult, and I had to respect him enough to give him a chance to succeed in life without taking the medication he had been on for 13 years.
He managed to obtain his class A license but was shut out of the field due to his age, and he could not seem to hold down a job of any kind. He could not control his money and as time went on I could see the behaviors he had as a child return to make him on his worst days, the most obnoxious person you would want to meet, unorganized and unsuccessful. On his good days, the most pleasant and helpful adult child that any mother would be proud of.
His grandmother has hated his guts since he was 3 and as he grew into a teen her hatred for him became worse and more obvious to other members of the family. My parents continue to believe that my son is a criminal waiting to happen. My mother never believed he had a medical condition and was always ready to catch him doing something wrong and punish him. She followed him she spied on him. She was always ready to prove to me that she could make him mind with the right tactics and always found joy when she caught him doing something wrong or that she disapproved off. Even though he is now 20, she calls whenever she can to tell me she heard this, she saw this, and looks to me to punish him on her word for things she feels he should be punished for.
My son has been unemployed for approximately 6 months. Temporary jobs have come and gone but he does collect unemployment benefits. My parents who are in their 70's have suffered some set backs this year, paticularly my father who can no longer take care of the day to day chores that a home with 5 acres needs so he pays my son to come by when ever grandma isn't home to help out. (he perfers to avoid putting my mother and son together to avoid problems)
And now, finally we get to the problem: Yesterday (Thursday) my son was asked to show up at his grandparents house to help. He arrived while they were on their way back from the store. He had arrived early and called to tell me he was there waiting in his car. He did his work and returned home.
Today, when i spoke with my mom, she kept blowing me off and kept saying you should call your dad and talk to him about his dr's appointment. My dad finally called and we talked about non important stuff for a few minutes then said he had some bad news. When they arrived home yesterday, they saw my son come down the steps of their house. There is $100 missing from his drawer and he's positive James stole it. Subsequently James has been banned from his Grandparents home, I received another lecture about the path to prison that he's on and I have been told that James will be dropped from the family trust. Evidently they no longer wish to acknowledge him as a grandson.
James states that he did not take the money. He also states that he was indeed coming down the steps but not from inside the house but from the back of the house. He needed to pee so he stepped out back to do so.
My parents have always wanted to think the worst about my son. They have always accused me of having blinders on and not taking the necessary steps to raise him properly such as using the belt (how they raised me) or military school. I admit, the circumstantial evidence is overwhelming, but what I don't understand is why would my son turn to stealing now? Why not any of the other numerous times he's been there over the years to help?
Finally now we come to the big question: Stand by my son and go against my family? Or stand by my family and admit and believe that my son has fulfilled the destiny my parents have always predicted he'd have?
What are my choices? How can I in good conscience go to my parents house for holidays and family gatherings knowing my son has been banned and forbidden to come around? How does a mother with any love for her child watch her child be left alone and shunned while the other family members gather for celebrations?
What are my choices, what are my responsibilities, where do my loyalties lay?
Quote
|
22 Aug 2008 @ 9:17 PM
23 Aug 2008 @ 12:07 PM