It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I've gone through a similar situation when my now 11y.o. was 9. I mistakenly didn't say anything and ignorantly thought my son had to start taking more responsibility....we also went through all the Student Succes Team meetings and thought things would get better with our school...we have now also changed schools. In regards to the medicatin.....I am all for trying the least amount acceptable....the tics and such send off warning bells in me due the experience of our son being put on way too much medication by a child psychiatrist. After going through the Tests of Variables of Attention (T.O.V.A. testing), his tic stopped and wasn't a zombie/stuttering/tic-filled child. The dose he's on now is 1/2 of the smallest pill of the extended release form. More than likely, your situation is a combo of medication issues and ignorance on his teacher's side (and NO, IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS!). Be frim but friendly and ask for a meeting with his teacher, the principal and, if you can get one, an psychologist who specializes in ADD (I found one through my HMO). If the strategies from this meeting don't work, than YES, you can ask the principal to consider switching teachers. (And any psychologist he sees will vouch for you that this teacher is contributing to his decreased self-esteem and anger, as well as poor academic success). The website moderator will soon give you some resources. You are not alone! Many of us are going (have gone through) what you are going through!

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We went through the same thing in 3rd and 4th grade (with the same teacher). Our son was so unhappy so we went in to talk to the principal and we let him talk us out of moving our son to another class room. This teacher was so unliked that 6 kids were moved out within the first several weeks of school and they couldn't move anymore, a good reason to get on this asap. We wanted to teach our son not to "bail out" of a tough situation but if I had to do it again, I would have stood my ground and had him moved. He lost his love for learning and had tummy aches and couldn't sleep. In 5th grade we somehow got the meanest of the 5th grade teachers, my husband and I were wondering what are we suppose to be learning here. Anyway, this time we went to bat and didn't take no for an answer. They tried to persuade us but we simply said that Andew could not take another year with a battleax! It sounds like your son does well with a nurturing teacher and that should be okay. They will fight you and will not want to move him but they can and will if you put enough pressure on them. Forget not wanting to teach him not to bail like we did, it was hell for two years because we did what they wanted us to do, not what we wanted to do. Listen and trust in yourself. This might be a little brutal to hear but have you ever read or heard of Jonathan Mooney? He has a book he wrote called 'the short bus', you might want to read it and buy a copy or two for the teachers at your school. Jonathan had a suicide plan by the age of 12, several mean teachers were at the root of this plan. He refers to a Mrs. C in 1st grade, she nearly crushed him with her remarks and looks. His Mom was his advocate and he made it through because she was always there watching and ready to fight for what was best for him. He ended up graduating with honors from Brown University several years ago, what a success story. Today at age 28 or so, he reads at a 4th grade level and spells at a 7th grade level and graduated with honors in literature! Your little guy will be okay but he will need loving teachers to guide him through this sometimes ignorant school system. Jonathan Mooney is out to change the public school system and the way LD kids are taught and treated. No schooling is worth a suicide plan. There are many war stories like Jonathans, sad that kids as little as 5 years old have them to tell. Good luck to you!

Anne Black

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our son was 10 years old and in 5th grade. I was aware this teacher was a real stickler, but I wasn't aware of just how mean she was until our son told me she was screaming in his face - in all the kids faces, when she was angry. He said when she screamed at him he felt like he "wasn't there" (dissociation). That sent up red flags for me, and I immediately requested a meeting.

In talking with other parents, it was my understanding we weren't the only parents whose child(ren) was/were suffering due to her outbursts. Other parents said she was their worst nightmare, but they were just holding tight, waiting it out. I suppose many parents didn't know how bad it was. I felt I had to advocate for our son because this wasn't the first time our son had experienced a bad teacher at this school. Most of the teachers were great, but he'd had a really bad one in 1st grade. A teacher in their last year of teaching - someone who should've retirea a lot sooner, and unfortunately our son got her. It changed him Irrevocably, and I wish I'd done something then. I wasn't going to let it happen again!

When we met with our son's team, all the other teachers had a lot to contribute. The teacher in question seemed to notice things about our son that were way off base. She said he must have Asperger's because he didn't display emotion - I wonder why?! He has ADD, but around her he probably did appear to lack emotion because he was so afraid.

After meeting with the team, as well as the teacher (I've known her for years - my daughter had her several years ago), talking with other parents, my husband and I decided we didn't have any other alternative but to pull our son out for the remainder of the school year and homeschool him. The psychiatrist who does his ADD med mgmt thought it was a great idea. We felt he wasn't learning because the environment was so charged. Our son was so anxious - he was having trouble sleeping, stomach aches before school every day, etc, and she was very negative toward him.

The rest of the school year went really well. He learned well, read more, and was much happier. Now he's back in school - middle school, and so far, so good. We're meeting with his guidance counselor on Friday to get a 504 started for him.

Good Luck to you! All I can say is there's just no excuse for mean teachers. We have to advocate for our kids - no one else will. One of the best things you can do is volunteer in the classroom daily if you're able! ; ) Whether she wants you there or not - be there! Even if she declines your help - be there! If you can't pull him out or change his class assignment - be there! If you can't be there, maybe you can find someone who can drop by to volunteer unexpectedly periodically - just to check up. I know they'll have to check in at the office, but she doesn't have to know ahead of time.

I've read on these, and other boards, lots of other things - like switching classes, switching schools within the district - at your schools expense. Making your district pay for a private school. You might look into getting an advocate if you're unable to get the school and/or teacher to work with you - some apparently are free. Our family therapist offered to go with us free because he feels our district is so unaccomodating.

Best of luck to you and your little guy!

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