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| Thread : Getting My ADHD Husband's Attention at Dinner | |
12 Aug 2008 @ 6:53 PM
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| Wishful Spirit |
Join Date:
Thu 10th Apr 2008
Threads: 2 Posts: 4 |
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Getting My ADHD Husband's Attention at Dinner
Hi everyone My husband and I both have ADHD, both the hyperactive type. My hyperactivity is being managed with stimulant medication. My husband would love to get on medication to "make his mind shut up", but he also has epilepsy and has been told by a physician that taking his anti-seizure medication and ADHD meds together would be a very bad idea. So he manages by constant stimulation from non-drug sources. The TV has to be on all the time. That's OK, we like a lot of the same shows, and one of us can go elsewhere if necessary, but the problem is dinner. Eating dinner is very, very important to me. After several arguments I finally made him understand that I desperately need that time to connect with him. He told me he needs background noise, so we agreed to leave the TV on at dinner. Guess what? He stares at it and ignores me. I'm tired of sitting there looking at his ears. Ideas? |
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12 Aug 2008 @ 8:50 PM
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| Firecracker |
Join Date:
Sat 31st May 2008
Threads: 5 Posts: 20 |
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Does it have to be the TV??
Maybe the radio or a CD would work better?? At least then it would be true "noise" and not "noise plus picture". Maybe you could do something to get his attention in a funny way...like eat dinner in a bikini or a rediculous costume one night and see how long it takes him to notice. In any case, it sounds like maybe TV is not the best medication, although I can't think of any other suggestions right now. I sympathize though, as that would greatly annoy me if it were happening every day. FC |
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13 Aug 2008 @ 10:35 AM
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2
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| Anni |
Join Date:
Thu 25th Oct 2007
Threads: 3 Posts: 257 |
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Dinner Dates
Hi Wishful Spirits: Urgh... I feel your frustration (and annoyance)! I agree that music would be a better option if the noise is all that husband needs - even the TV with the picture off or something draped over the screen would be better. Perhaps change where you sit so the TV is directly behind you? Also, have you looked in to alternative treatments that might help your husband - ADHD solutions that don't involve medication? You might find some useful ideas in ADDitude's free Alternative ADHD Treatment report. Best of luck! |
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13 Aug 2008 @ 1:33 PM
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3
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| NeoSerenity87 |
Join Date:
Wed 6th Aug 2008
Threads: 4 Posts: 7 |
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The gift of attention
Your husband has a very unique chance to experience a relationship with you because you understand what's going on in his head! I agree with the music, personally I listen to music while I'm studying and it helps. If I try to have the TV on I always end up gravitating towards it. Perhaps you could explain to your husband not only the importance of the "connection" you need during dinnertime, but also the fact that you would like him to also APPEAR that he is listening, in addition to him listening to you. I would highly recommend a book by a Phd name Michelle Novotni. It's called "What Does Everyone Else Know That I Don't?" it's a great GREAT help for picking up on a lot of the social skills that us ADDers miss out on early in life. A few tips: 1) if you have something especially important to talk to you husband about TELL HIM ahead of time. "Honey, I need to talk to you about something real important." 2) try to explain to him ways that he can show he is listening to you: (eye contact, leaning forward, etc.) 3) ask for him to offer feedback and try to tell you what you said in his own words. (so you said that you're frustrated at work because your co-workers are acting irresponsibly?) If you encourage him to engage and stay involved in the conversation it helps. (atleast I know it does for me, and I'm combined type, both hyper and innattentive ) Hope this helps! -Christy |
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