I know exactly how you feel. My son is five with adhd. His preschool called me to come and pick him up all year long. He struggles to make friends although he wants to so badly. It is so hard to keep my patience with him. I yell all the time and then feel so guilty. When I wake up in the morning I cringe knowing what lies ahead for me. I too, love him with all my heart, but I often feel lost, exhausted, and helpless. Sorry I am not being more encouraging, I just wanted to let you know someone else is frustrated too. You have to remind yourself you are doing the best you can. Hang in there.

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I'm just glad to know I am not the only one. Not that I wish this on anyone because it is so difficult but it is nice to know that someone knows how i feel. Thanks

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Hi Rhia:

My heart really goes out to you (and to Mikeysmom) over the struggles you're facing with your son. As mothers, we dedicate every ounce of our energies to keeping our children safe and happy. When our efforts meet brick wall after brick wall, it's easy to feel hopeless. But I really do think there are more options and help out there for you.

First, I see that you're located pretty far north in Vermont. Have you looked into ADHD specialists in Montreal? Buffalo? Bangor? or Boston? You may need to make a road trip in order to find an ADHD specialist who's worked with other children unresponsive to typical medications. You need a physician who understands your frustrations and will work cooperatively with you on finding a treatment solution.

Also, have you looked into comorbid conditions associated with ADHD? It's possible you could be dealing with Oppositional Defiant Disorder as well as ADHD, which would seriously change the medication scenario. The doctor you see should be able to test for comorbid conditions as well.

What about alternative ADHD treatments in addition to medication? Behavior therapy. Nutrition. Neurofeedback. Omega-3s. We have a great new free printable about all of these alternative ADHD treatments and more.

Finally, you might use our ADHD Directory or CHADD.org to find a support group for mothers of ADHD kids in your area. Staying home with an ADHD child is exhausting - and isolating. You'll be better able to care for your son if you can also take care of yourself...

I hope this helps!

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Hello all:

Here is another great article that I forgot to mention before: Six Ways to Fend Off Isolation as an ADHD Parent

Best of luck!

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My son is 4 and has not been diagnosed yet-I keep getting the "he's too young to diagnose" response to my concerns. Meanwhile I and my family suffer. His behavior is often out of control and he will not leave his 18 month old brother alone, he hurts him constantly. How can I get some help? Feeling very frustrated and alone. I feel your pain!

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I just came to my computer because I was feeling exactly what your subject said... I too am in DESPERATE need of help, advice or understanding.. My son has just turned 8. He was diagnosed with ADHD combined type and ODD back when he was 5. In the last 3 years he has tried tons of meds and we found he can't take any stimulant medications because it gave him tics that he didn't have before. Our biggest obstacle is that we live on an island in the Bahamas where there is NO help. Absolutely none! There are no specialised doctors, thereapists or schools. There are also no extracurricular activities except swimming and that is only a couple months of the year. We have been working with a dr. at the Dan Marino Center in Weston, Florida. That means every time we have a problem or my son needs to see the her we have to get on a plane. We are so limited, yet we have tried over and over to get help for my son and nothing seems to work. This last year he was on Strattera 40mgs and 1/2mg Tenex morning and night. Just recently he had to be taken off of Strattera and is now just on the tenex. He was getting good grades in school but he is constantly in detention or in trouble. At home in the last month it has just gotten worse.. he lies about the silliest things, no matter what we tell him about misbehaving he keeps doing the same things over and over. No discipline works. We just spent a ton of money on behavioral therapy in Florida, that was highly recommended, and we were only able to do two weeks of it. Before we did it I asked the doctors if they thought two weeks was enough and they said well whatever they did would help. After spending roughly 650-900 dollars a day for 10 days I realised that the kind of therapy that they did would only be beneficial if my son and my family did it all together for an extended period of time. Basically we wasted a HUGE amount of money for NOTHING! I have called his doctor but she keeps saying that she'll call me back and she doesn't. Its so hard being so far away from her. Everything with my son is just getting worse and worse. I feel if he doesn't soon get help I am going to have a nervous breakdown! I have only touched on a few things that he does. There are tons more that I can't even get into. Its just so much! I feel like my life is a living hell. I resent my son and the misery that he is putting me and my family through. I know its wrong to feel that way the guilt about the way I feel is killing me. I really don't know what to do! Please, if there is someone out there who can help me I just don't know what to do. I know I probably have rambled on and missed out things but i feel like I just want to get it out of me... Please help

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My heart goes out to each of you. There is such a great need for knowledgeable doctors trained and experienced in treating ADHD along with coexisting conditions like ODD, anxiety, depression, etc. Each situation is different but I'll give a few suggestions that might be of some help to one or all of you:

Check out www.chadd.org (a national organization that advocates for those with ADHD) and see if there is a support group in your area. I found one in my area and met a lot of other parents who were able to provide support and understanding and recommend doctors or therapists.

Ask any doctors, therapists, or nurses that you know if they can suggest someone who is experienced in treating ADHD, especially more complex cases. Someone who has knowledge of other comorbidities that can coexist with ADHD and how that would impact treatment. In some cases, the other disorder may need to be treated first before ADHD medication is used.

My nephew had a lot of violent tendencies when he was younger ( about 7 yrs. old) and he was diagnosed with ADHD but the meds didn't seem to be helping. he was also diagnosed with ODD but still they were at a loss as to what to do. It took some time but eventually he was diagnosed with childhood onset bipolar disorder and put on some medication to treat that. Later, they were able to treat his ADHD and he did quite well. He is 18 years old now and in college.

In addition, a child with untreated anxiety or depression may not respond well to ADHD medication until the other disorder has been treated. There can be many different possibilities and not all doctors are sufficiently knowledgeable when other disorders complicate the picture. Sometimes, it takes several doctors before the correct diagnosis and/or treatment is found.

I wish I could give each of you a better answer. Our entire family has ADHD and some other disorders as well. Some conditions were not recognized by several different doctors for various reasons. Keep on searching if you haven't gotten a satisfactory answer of if something still isn't right.

We have been fortunate to see a doctor who was recommended by a friend of a friend, and that particular doctor has been able to diagnose what others had missed, and his knowledge and understanding has made a tremendous impact on each of our lives. He actually enjoys dealing with complex cases and has treated many so called "hopeless" cases, including individuals whom other doctors refused to treat. By the way, he is located in Florida, so Cephus76, if you are interested in finding out about this particular doctor, let me know.

I do hope each of you are able to find some answers and help.

Elaine

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As I have written before I do not wish for anyone to deal with what I do on a daily basis but it is good to know I am not the only person out there feeling like this. It is hard and it hurts to have those feelings about the little person that I brought into this world but knowing that other mothers feel as I do helps. I am sorry I have no great words of wisdom for you all. I wish I did but at this point I am still just trying to make it with all of this going on. Thanks again for let me know I am not the only one.

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