Often, my son who has ADHD has been picked on and kids will lie at school and get him into trouble. I also know his ADHD causes memory deficits and he doesn't always remember things in the right order or how the events happened. Her son may even truly feel that he did not start it, not understanding how his actions caused the fight, depending on what happened. If her son has not yet been tested for Auditory Processing Disorder which many ADHDers have, he may truly misunderstand words that are being said and end up causing a fight and then being stunned as to why his words have caused a bad reaction. As he may have reacted to misinterpretting something the other kid said. Look up auditory processing and show the info to your friend to see if it could be a possibility.

If some kids like your son more than the other boy, it is possible they would take your son's side and defend him. Supervise the kids playing together, this is a sure-fire way for both of you to see what is transpiring.

When my son has had issues in the neighbourhood, I actually go outside and ask a number of kids that witnessed the incident exactly what happened because I know my son's deficits and he is just not capable of remembering every detail. By doing this I get the whole story and then work to resolve the issue and teach him what he did wrong or how the situation would be handled better the next time. I also speak to the "bully" directly to let them know it will not be tolerated. Apparently one boy in the neighbourhood has been bothering the other kids for years and they put up with. It was the first time a parent stepped out and talked to him and warned him to stop and it has worked so far.

Ask your friend what it's like having an ADHD child and what the side effects of the meds are. It's not easy and I have talked to mom's in tears over the side effects their kids have had. She is being defensive as her son is probably picked on at school and now she feels you are picking on him. She is just frustrated. Regardless of who is at fault, talk to her and learn what she goes through everyday, supervise the kids together. There are also social skill programs out there for kids that help teach them the right way to play and read facial cues. Some things like that do not come naturally for ADHD kids, they need to be taught the skills. If under supervised play time she finds her son is reacting to things harshly or physically, she can look into social skill programs and CAP testing.

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