Hi coop:

I wonder: Have you tried behavior therapy at all with your son? It's a more long-term solution and might not work immediately in those "look-in-the-eye" situations, but in the long run it should help him to reign in impulsive behavior with the promise of rewards. Below are some of ADDitude's best articles about behavior therapy, but I would also recommend downloading our free "Alternative Treatment" booklet, which goes into great detail on behavior therapy strategies: http://www.additudemag.com/RCLP/sub/2729.html

Behavior Therapy: How It Promotes Discipline and Focus in Children with ADHD: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/860.html

Treating ADHD with Behavior Therapy: An Alternative ADHD Treatment: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/651.html

I hope this helps!

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When my son was younger that worked, he's a preteen and being "counted out" gets me baby talk and a response of "thats 3" or "thats (some random number). Stopping arguements is much harder because he twists my words and changes the meaning of what Im saying. For example I may say, It's dinner time - wash your hands then come to the table. A few minutes will go by and I may repeat the EXACT same statement or I might say "Come eat" as a friendly general reminder. I will get a response of "well what should I do first, come eat or wash my hands? You told me to wash my hands, now you are telling me to come eat." The voice inside my head says how annoying - my voice sounds annoyed and I say wash your hands and come eat. Sometimes that will be enough, sometime the saga of "words" will continue. How do I end this type of arguement?

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When I ask her a two part question, like wash your hands & come to the table ... then minutes later when I'm saying to come to the table she'll throw it right back at me and say something like, well didn't you just ask me to wash my hands? It's so frustrating! I feel like she's being difficult just to get a rise out of me. She thrives on arguing, and relishes when she can get someone going. (Ok, I know that's not a true statement, but it sure feels like it sometimes).

Jessica

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Out of my own frustration, lack of energy to combat a meltdown, and feeling of hoplessness as I felt like nothing worked anyway, I stumbled upon a method that is working for my 6 year old son more than 1/2 the time. In the middle of an outburst with the unmistakable look of "I'm not home" in his eye he tossed some papers around I was organizing. I was defeated that day and to prevent myself from bursting into tears I simply said in a matter of fact tone to myself, "Well...that was definetly not what I expected" He started cracking up. I ran with it and said something like, 'any idea why you felt the need to toss my papers around the room, were you wanting it to snow that much or what', in a sing song, exaggerated voice. He ended up picking up all the papers willingly, we talked about better solutions to his frustration, and I got a meaningful "sorry mom". Believe me I was more shocked than anything. That was 2 months ago and it's still working. If he's losing it over say taking a bath when he dosen't want to and showing tantrum like behavior I may sit by him and say in my exaggerated, animated voice, "Oh I can't believe I didn't know this when I was a kid. I never knew that (describe behavior) made a bath better. I'm going to try this the next time I'm going to take one." Even if he's not at the point to laugh, it seems to take him down a notch to a reasonable level so we can get down to the issue and deal with it. He may say something like it dosen't make it better or I just don't want a bath, both of which are a new starting points for the issue at hand and on a more reasonable level than the meltdown. Good luck!

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