I, too, am just coming to grips with learning that I have ADD; however, my story is a bit different. I was diagnosed in law school, in 2005, but I never really understood what the diagnosis meant. I cannot believe that I NEVER took the time to research ADD. The University psychiartrist ordered Ritalin for me after a bunch of visits. She gave me neither counseling nor materials to make me learn more about it. But, to top it off, she only gave me a week of the meds.

A friend told me about her doctor that treats her for it. So, I went to the doctor, got the meds, and started to be able to study like a champ! My grades went up dramatically, but I only took the meds for studying. I did not know that ADD was affecting my entire life. From relationships, to loss of a sense of time, to being late all the time, putting my foot in my mouth all of time.

I quit my law firm job in frustration because I thought that the people there were picking on me for not paying attention, being late for meetings, and not getting or understanding the assignments that I was given. Unable to find a job after law school, I fell into depression. No, I was depressed since the 1st year of law school, but it had gotten worse. I became verbally abusive to my fiance because I quit the firm. I blamed her for encouraging me to quit, I blamed my friends for not helping me understand law school, and I blamed the firm for being "racist" towards me.

Although the firm in particular has some problems with attracting and retaining attorneys of color, I now know that the things that they were chastising me about were add-related. I just went to a specialist after a work colleague, a psychiatric nurse, saw some of my add behaviors on the job. I told him, "they say I have ADD." He asked me whether I was getting it treated, and I told him that I only need the meds to study. Immediately, he stood up then told me that ADD was VERY SERIOUS and that I needed to see someone right away.

Of course, I didn't think that it was a big deal, but I ordered an ADD organization book from Amazon. com. I kid you not, the book read like I wrote it myself about my life. I ordered some other books then saw a specialist in NYC last Tuesday. He gave me a prescription for Vyvanse. I felt the meds wear off at the end of the day. So, the next day , I doubled the dose.

I can REALLY feel the difference now! Literally, I can feel myself trying to stray from the task that I am doing, but I can literally feel a mechanism in my mind directing me to get back on task. I was regretful for about a week because I basically threw my legal career away, broke up with my fiancee, and stopped pursuing law altogether. You see, I graduated from a top 10 law school, but assumed that the people in large corporate law firms didnt like me because of my skin color. Not knowing all along that it was my ADD.

I am learning that ADD has affected my performance in school and my ability to maintain relationships my entire life. I was depressed because now I have to try to get another $160,000 a year law job. But, I am going to write the dean of my school a letter and let him know exactly what happened, and see if he can help in anyway. I cannot help, but be a bit angry because the ADD had me depressed until this March. I was damn near suicidal because I couldn't understand what I did with my life.

You, see, I grew up in an abusive household-- you cannot believe how many times my father would call me dumb or stupid when I would do things that were related to my ADD. However, now I know what is wrong, I am excited to try to fix it. Who knows, maybe everything will work out after all.

Let me know if you'd like a list of books that have helped me thus far. Even though it has only been 2-3 weeks.

Good Luck!

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mrrealer, thank you for sharing your story. Boy do I understand. I have not been diagnosed with add yet; however everything I read sounds, like you said, like I wrote it. I am going to a psychologist tomorrow to see what I can find out. Before I became special education teacher I had over 35 different jobs and it was never because of "me". I am dealing, I believe, with a dual diagnosis: bipolar and add. Though I will be curious to see if it has been add all along since so many of the symptoms from these two disorders tend to overlap. I am sorry to hear that your life has been full of frustration, abuse and craziness. I know how that feels. I am also feeling lots of regret for some of my actions right now. I am, as I hope you are, trying to be very gentle with myself. We did not cause this disorder to happen to us. I would love to have the list of books you have read. Take care.

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I posted a few weeks ago about my situation. I was diagnosed with ADD when my oldest daughter was dxd in 2002. I went on meds for a short while, but my husband got sick and then later passed away as well as both of my parents in the next 18 mos. Since their deaths, it seems as though my symptoms have gotten worse. Then I went to my family dr. to get on medication for the add only to have her tell me she wanted me to see a psychiatrist because she suspects I have bi-polar. I have an appointment Aug. 7.

It's really been a struggle for me because I have anxiety, mood swings, depression, am fidgety, start numerous projects that never get finished, am easily bored, easily distracted & or overfocus, spend money impulsively along with have struggles with just basic math. So it's very hard to know where to pinpoint what symptoms to ADD & to Bipolar. Actually, in my case from what I've been told is that my bi-polar is probably more of a milder form called Cyclothemia (SP?).

So I guess what I'm saying in my rambling sort of way, is I can relate to what you're going through. I'm nervous about seeing the dr. but also relieved. One of the things I struggle with when I see a dr. is that I feel like I ramble or talk too fast and or am not sure how to accurately describe my symptoms so I'm going to sit down and write out my situatiion and symptoms before I go in to see her.

Take care & be gentle with yourself.

Andrea

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I am ADD, Aspergers with long term depression and anxiety. (Ditto abusive childhood mrrealer). I have always felt "scattered" and "all over the place". However, others say they find me to be focussed, atriculate and intense. I think it is the differnece between my inner and outer worlds. My brain is so busy all the time that I assume people must see this way too. I am very lucky in that my Mom brought me up with a strong feeling that being individual was to be prized and that being eccentric was better than being boring. Of course this does not apply when she wants me to be another way but I am puting this down to the Mother-Daughter dynamic. I know she is very proud of me for being who I am.

As I have become more 'me' I have enjoyed greater success in my career, my relationships and am so much happier. I work in HR and have unconventional ideas about the world of work but rather than expressing this in my usual 'out there' way, I did a degree instead. I now have an MBA from one of the top 5 business schools with several A+ marks for my research. And I got these not because I am some sort of genius but because my brain works in a strange way and gives me original thoughts that I am not afraid to express. In the wrong situation this is severely career limiting (as I have discovered!) but in the right situation it gets you and A+. Go figure!

I think the worst thing we can do is to strive to be 'normal'. My theory is that 'normal' people have greater tolerance for living and working in situations that don't suit them but that we have very low tolerance for this. Therefore, we need to find out who we are, work hard to be that person and line up all parts of our life with that. Sometimes it requires bold moves e.g. did you train as a lawyer but really want to be a dairy farmer? Do it! Whatever it is that makes you happy allows you to contribute fully to the world. We need to be truly who we are - then we aren't so weird after all.

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Mr. Realer, What books do you suggest? My husband is very definitely ADD. I have been married to him for 30 years and unhappy in the marriage for about 85% of that time. I am now in midlife and I just can't keep doing this. Maybe he will read the books and see himself the way you did.

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I have the inattentive ADD (no hyperactivity) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am 48 and was only diagnosed a few months ago with the ADD; the anxiety was diagnosed a few years ago. But I have had both disorders all of my life. My ADD became more noticeable once my anxiety was treated. I realized how much the anxiety masked the ADD. Since I worried so much about everything, it helped me to stay focused and keep lists so I wouldn't forget something important. Once I stopped worrying about everything, I tended to forget more things and be more disorganized! Fortunately, the ADHD medication has been a big help. I had always wondered how other people could remember things that were told to them that had multiple steps. I felt so stupid because I couldn't do that and I had to write down every step. On the medication, I don't have that problem. I also found that this was called, "working memory" and is more common a problem with those who have the inattentive ADD, rather than the hyperactive or combined type.

Adults with ADHD, esp. if they were not diagnosed as a child, are much more likely to have another disorder as well. Depression and anxiety are two of the more common ones, but one can easily have Bipolar and ADHD. It can be hard to distinguish at times. My nephew has both. He was diagnosed at 8 years old with childhood bipolar disorder and ADHD. He is 18 years old now.

There is a good website at www.biologicalunhappiness.com that helps to distinguish between the two. If you go to the website and scroll about halfway down the left side of the home page, you will see a section that says, "BPD, Bipolar, or ADHD". It explains the different disorders, different types of Bipolar, including Cyclothymia and has additional links for more information. There is also another section at the top of the left side called "Screening Test". I find that to be very helpful. There are a few significant questions to answer regarding different biological disorders. If you identify with several of the questions, it is something worth looking into and getting more information on. There is no guarantee that you have or don't have the disorder but it helps you to see some of the different possibilities.

I know of one man who has been diagnosed as ADHD, Bipolar, BPD and has some type of anxiety disorder. In another case, I have a friend who is also ADHD, Bipolar and BPD. My husband has ADHD and BPD. My daughter has GAD and ADD, like me but she also has a mild variant of BPD. I've gotten quite an education in the past 5 years.

By the way, the doctor who runs this website happens to be our doctor. He is the one who was finally able to diagnose and treat my husband successfully when several other psychiatrists he had seen only picked up on depression. This doctor has incredible diagnostic skills and is one of the most positive doctors I've ever met.

Elaine

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I started taking Ritalin during high school because my doctor thought I had ADD. He never really explained to me anything about it, so I just kind of brushed it off. I didn't think I had ADD but I trusted him to make the right decision and to put me on the right medication. As I look back, I realize that I did have a lot of symptoms of ADD. It was just that they were unnoticed by most people. I did very well in school but I was extremely shy and quiet. I had lots of trouble making and keeping friends. I remember always writing in my journal and daydreaming about things. I would get lost for hours playing with my Barbies, as a child. As I got older, the shyness went away and I became more outgoing, but still very quiet to people I didn't know well. I started to like working with people so much that I got a part-time job in retail and did very well.

It was time to go off to college and that year everything changed. I started seeing this new doctor who put me on adderall and that seemed to help me a little bit. I still didn't know what ADD really was, but I again trusted the doctor to know what she was doing to help me. She then diagnosed me as bipolar and put me on a ton of meds. I was on so many that she would make me carry around lists, so that I wouldn't forget what I was on. But it was after she put me on Lithium that things really got messed up. I started to slow down mentally and physically very badly. That happened in 2003 and I haven't been the same since then. I enjoyed college because it was the first time I had broken out of my shyness and made friends but I had to leave because paranoia had driven me insane and I couldn't stay there any longer. My paranoia was so bad in school. I could not sit still in class. I constantly thought that i smelled and I would somehow smell every scent in the room and if I smelled anything strange, I would think it was me. Then I would go around asking people if I smelled-->crazy huh? Anyways, people soon started to think that I was crazy. I couldn't even go to class, nor would I leave my room because I was afraid I smelled. The littlest sounds would drive me crazy and somehow they would get amplified in my head. I was very sad when I left school but it was a relief to get away from that situation. In 2004, I was diagnosed with ADD and a learning disability.

But fastforward to now, 2008. I am still in college but at my 3rd school. I've changed my major a bunch of times because I couldn't make a decision on what I wanted to do. I don't really have any close friends. I'm extremely scared in social situations. It's like after taking all of that psychiatric medication, it really did something to me. Suddenly all my ADD symptoms got worse and I digressed back into the shy little girl. Life is really hard for me now. No one understands my situation, my Dad and my brother both have ADHD and refuse to admit it but they offer me no support in this. I am a Christian now and I prayed to God for help and he led me to this site. It was like he was telling me that I needed to find out more information about ADD. After reading all of the articles on here, I know that I really do have ADD and I need some help. I don't get any support from my family on this because my Dad says that I am just using this as an excuse for my problems. He doesn't see that the symptoms are so obvious in our family. Our house is a complete mess, totally disorganized, we are always forgetting stuff, losing stuff, over reacting. I am the only one that is really looking for treatment but I don't know what to do. I feel so alone now but I am happy that I found out what my problem really is. I am really struggling right now and I need some help in dealing with life with ADD.

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