Right now I'm so beyond mentally & emotionally drained, I'm so beyond miserible , it's not fair that I have to choose between either William or Jeremy , it's not fair to William, it's not fair to Jeremy and damn sure not fair to me. Leslie has caused so much hell and torement, why does she want to take this case to trial , when she knows that she made up the false alogations against Jeremy , she knows she lied to DSS, yet DSS hasn't been smart enough to figure any of this out. Leslie and her live in girlfrien aren't be told they have to take any kind of assesments, yet Jeremy is being treated like a criminal and a drug head- I'm being treated like i'm this abusive / neglectful mother. Leslie has screwed me, she's screwed Jeremy but most of all she has screwed Wlliam mentally and emotionally for life. It doesn't matter how many assesments Jeremy and I take, DSS is never going to consider Jeremy fit to be arround William period, so there for bottom line, If I'm with Jeremy- I'll never be considered to be a fit mother- that right there in it's self is such b/s . I've dreamed for so long of Jeremy, William and I being a family and it seems as tho that dream has gone to hell , all because of Leslie and her lies. The mother in me wants to fight through hell and brime stone to get William back , but the last thing I want to do is to put William through yrs of being in and out of court, yrs and yrs of him being in therphy, and family therphy , just to not get any of his issues solved- the other motherly part of me , wants to find a family who is willing to do any open adoption with me, still allowing me to be a part of William's life - yet i'm torn because I don't want to be the reason William is held back and not allowed to have a normal life, all because I love him to much , and don't feel that I can live with out him . I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. I'm trying so hard to just turn all of this over to god,and believe that he'll work it out but as a mother, that's really hard to do , when your own baby.

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