At least that's what my colleagues keep telling me. I'm a PhD candidate too, although in French lit (currently trying to battle the blackhole of unstructured time and studying for the MA exam which ends my first week of taking and teaching classes for the fall :S ). While my issues have different roots than yours, I definitely understand the feelings of inadequacy-- I've always been very hard on myself and I'm trying to learn how to "lighten up", and it doesn't help that while I've always enjoyed reading, I do so VERY slowly (which led to me figuring out I had ADHD this year) and was never the bookworm that some of my colleagues were growing up. I've had the wonderful opportunity to share with and gain support from my fellow students and have learned a LOT about dealing with grad school mentally from them (esp since some things, such as feeling inadequate, are shared by all in our line of work).

I would say for the social and advising relationships, just keep plugging away. Anything that got flubbed up will probably mend at least somewhat over time (I won't go into all the screwups I made after getting accepted to my program...). If it's possible, maybe feel around for a secondary, non-official advisor within your department (or a related one) -- most of my profs actually seem to appreciate me seeking them out. Also see if you can get plugged into a group of other PhD candidates (via your department or an outside organization that happens to be frequented by students), regardless of whether they have ADD. If you haven't done so, you may want to see what your school's health or learning centers have to offer.

Most of all, good luck!!!!

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I've been a doctoral candidate for seven years (insert laughing or crying here). Thankfully most people assume I have one already. Hell, most people think I am a tenured professor somewhere too. I always hate to burst their bubbles and explain that I'm just a hired gun litigator who teaches as an adjunct here and there...

Actually, I have had the pleasure of acting as an external reviewing on a handful of doctoral theses. I have also managed to accumulate three masters degrees (one politics and two law). I understand the social dynamic issues you are experiencing and would just remind you of the old adage in academics that the social politics are so intense because the stakes are so low. I think the ideal adviser is the one who is too busy to spend too much time hovering over you, or respects you enough to leave you be. If I was starting out on a PhD (as opposed to hoping to get back to it before the opportunity turns back into a pumpkin), I would prefer to use the services of a coach to be pressed to get things done, etc., leaving the relationship with my advisor on a different plane.

Of course, once you have one it's a little more tough to ditch him or her for another one, especially if you're hoping that this person can assist you in the time honoured tradition of securing you a sinecure in a nearby ivory tower (I hope my humour isn't offensive here; as the saying goes "I don't dislike academics; some of my closest friends are academics"). In this case, I would see if I could mitigate adverse effects or relationship dynamics through interaction with another member of the thesis committee, assuming that this person has a good relationship with, and/or understanding of, your advisor.

There are a lot of odd ducks in the academe, and your disorders should make you a great fit with your erstwhile colleagues, albeit in a somewhat paradoxical way. With my personality, I always hoped that people would get over any unsavory first impressions once they got to know me. Now that I have finally been diagnosed (at 39 with combination-type ADHD), I am only too quick to warn someone with whom I know I will need to have a professional relationship that I have the disorder and that it may explain occasions where I act or speak inappropriately. You know what they say about honesty being the best policy, etc.? Well, I think transparency can be a great asset, so long as the person to whom you are revealing such details isn't bigoted or suspects you're just looking for a material advantage over your peers by mentioning your condition. Admitting one's perceived defects can often endear him or her to those who feel favoured for having received such trust in being informed.

Best wishes.

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