Well I had my pre-trial conference on Monday, of course my case worker was there - he told me that the Temp guardianship has been disolved , so leslie has no legal ties to William what so ever ( which made me feel better) . William is doing good, he doesn't seem to have any behavoral issues and isn't showing any mental health issues , he's happy which is all that matters. My case worker told me that the only reason why my case is considered to be high risk is not because of Me or because of Jeremy but it's because of Leslie and her partner/ girlfriend Amber and all the domestic violence that William witinessed while he was in Leslie's care , now apparently Leslie is riding the fence saying one minute that she wants William back and then the next minute she doesn't want anything to do with him - lol hate to tell her she's not getting near William ever again . My case worker then asked how I would feel about signing over custdy of William over to John and jenniffer ( who are the current kenship placement right now ) I told me that I wasn't really comfortible with that because John and Leslie were married once and they share two daughters together , even tho John signed his parental rights away to their two daughters 6 yrs ago , apparently now leslie is now with holding visiatation of their two daughters from John ( which I don't know what , and don't really care ) . I made it very clear to my case worker that Jeremy no longer wants to be in the mix of all of this, he has no relationship towards William , and William doesn't even have any memory of Jeremy simply because William was only 4 months old when Jeremy and I got together and 3 yrs old when we split up for a yr 1 /2 , and the fact that kids really dont get a congnative memory until they are 4 yrs of age, so for William isn't really missing out on not knowing Jeremy . I told my case worker that I would consider signing over custdy of William to John and Jenniffer they take Jeremy out of the mix - he's not any probation and there isnt' a court order for him to take any of the assesments . I also told my case worker that the only reason why Leslie dragged Jeremy into all of this mess is because she couldn't get any dirt on me, and because jeremy has a past criminal record as well as past drug history , she figured if she went after him , that getting all his dirt would make me look like an unfit parent and make me look worse to a judge . My case worker told me that giving William up for open adoption wouldn't be wise because I don't want DSS or state of NC to take custdy of William because that would get so tied up in court , it would even be funny, and signing away my rights wouldn't be a wise decision either , because then i wouldn't have any say so what so ever and I don't want to do that. He said that once William's therphiest signs off on allowing him to have contact with me, we can start talking on the phone and work up to supervised visiation just him and I , with out Jeremy because DSS considers Jeremy to be unfit be arround William, because of his quote on quote anger issues which I think is bunch of hog wash - I still think it's bunch of b/s they way they have treated jeremy - it wouldn't matter how many assesments jeremy took , because of his past record and past drug history he's always going to have to proove him self to some one. Jeremy says he's not worried about, him not being able to be arround William sucks but that the important thing is that I get to visit my son and I'm happy . As of right now Im just trying to maintain some sort of motherly connection , I know that because of leslie and her lies Im proably never going to get custdy back fo William , but it's not about what I want or what jeremy wants, it's about what William wants and if he's happy with John and Jenniffer and he trusts them then that's all that matter's even if he can't be with me and Jeremy and be a part of the family that I Jeremy and I plann on having ( which is when ever god deems it) for me just being a part of William's life is a blessing period .

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