You can't give up your kids are counting on you! Emotions make a horrible master, but a great servant. Give your life to Christ & rely on His strength excluesively, it will change your life! -Brandon

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I too have been praying through this. I attend a church, but have been hurt before when I shared my struggles with this at another church I attended.

I just feel like I've let so many people down and don't know where to turn for help. I do have a dr. appointment, but it's not until the 7th of August. I'm just so tired. I thought I would be doing better in the 4 years since my husband died, but having lost both of my parents and not being close geographically to other family, am struggling feeling like I'm trying to do it all alone.

I am just so tired right now. I'm not currently taking any meds so I know that's part of the problem.

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I'm so sorry to hear about all of your struggles and the loss of your husband. Can you join an ADHD support group in your area? http://www.chadd.org has a great list of resources under "Finding Support" and the ADDitude site also has a listing of support groups at http://directory.additudemag.com/results.php?category_id=122

It will help SO much to talk through your struggles and frustrations with someone who understands ADHD and can help without judging - judgmental people who don't 'believe' in ADHD or somehow feel compelled to badmouth it are not going to help you one bit!

I hope this helps!

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i can't really tell you anything that you haven't heard before, but right now, i think it's critical that you reach out to someone, so you don't feel like you're doing it alone. you mentioned you were hurt when you tried to talk about your struggles with someone at your church.

maybe try another avenue, where attitudes are open and accepting and where folks are more likely to be knowledgeable about whatever it is you're facing. this could be someone in a support group/chat room online (there's various recovery groups on the web that have live "meetings" every 3 hours), a member at an OA meeting, a colleague. just talking it out and having an outlet for your thoughts, however negative or irrational or burdensome you might think they are, can do so much (i've been there...).

thanks for sharing your story, and keep coming back. I've gone/am going through some of the same struggles you name, anxiety, depression, ED, and definitely felt what your wrote. do not give up! do not shut down. things do get easier.

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I tend to agree with the previous posting that you need to reach and stay strong for your children. It may be hard for you but maybe a a grief support group would be right up your alley since they have all been there knowing how hard it is after a loved has passed. There is no time limit on grief and since your husband your parents all have passed I would not be suprized if you are depressed. Add your struggles with coping with finances and you have added heaped on another stressor. If you can afford one try a financial advisor. Or have money put in a saving acount directly deposited from your check. Do not get a debit card for this account so anytime money needs to be taken out for use you would have to go to the account and pull it out ; also you should a different bank then all of your other banking. This would give you time to think about it and realize do you need to purchase something. When shopping do a check :ask if I nedd it or do I want it. If the first then buy it. Wants are different they are ususally something we could live without. Also see if this purchase is to fill a personal void or emptiness if it is don't buy it and find something else that would fill your spirit.. Help take your daughters and go to the park , walk and play together this would give you one on one time. the girls will fell happier and so will you. It also cost nothing and the benfits, smiles and laughter, and possible weight loss.

I would also continue on with this site; I found a great supportive group who listen well. Don't judge and understand me in a way no others seems to get. Good luck! and you will see a brighter light soon

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I have a son and a daughter but apart from that, I could have written your post word for word. You are NOT a screw up - you are "financially challenged" :-). Look, I do the same thing and my solution was to accept that I can't be perfect at everything (isn't being a great Mom enough?) and this is one area that I am a complete imbecile. Think of it as dyslexia for dollars.

The thing that has made the biggest difference was to work out my expenses (right down to the toothpaste) and to set up a seperate bank account where this amount went directly fom my pay every pay day. I also put another 10% away into a savings account that I cannot access so that I have some backup for the bad times. I also set up direct credits and debits for all bills so that I do not have to think about it - I know there is enough in my account to cover it. The other thing that makes a huge dufference is that I pay a set amount ($100) into my utilities each month regardless of the bill so that I am in credit in summer and can cover myself over winter. Then whatever is left over is mine and I can waste it on plastic trinkets if I want to. I would also advise getting rid of the credit cards immediately. This means that you can't lose track of hidden spending and, in itself, will cut your spending in half.

I hope this helps. Just remember that when we ADDers are under stress, things get less organised so please go easy on yourself.

Take care ... Lizzie

PS If you are tired, take some time off to recover. There is nothing wrong with hiding under the covers for a week if that is what you need. Sometimes not facing something head on is a legitimate coping mechanism. Look after yourself.

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I am new to ADDITUDE. I would love to hear others talk about what it was like to grow up with ADD. I am 60 and was only diagnosed in 2009, but it was wonderful to find out why I was so depressed and anxious all the time.

To: agreen3angels---I am so sorry that so much awful stuff has happened to you. With ADD or ADHD it is difficult living a normal life, even without terrible things happening. 15 years ago I was fired from my job and this year I was fired again. Both times I was fired for going against company policy. I was wrong in what I did both times but I never had any intention to hurt anyone. It is just so difficult to know how to deal with people. I try so hard, but it is difficult when I cannot shut out all the continuous stimuli. I am getting wonderful help with my new medication but the incident that caused me to be fired happened 7 years ago and I cannot remember what they are talking about. My psychiatrist says that poor memory is a big part of ADD, as well as poor impulse control. newborndawn

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How old are your kids? If they are old enough to get jobs, have them get a summer job. Stay accountable to them by providing a good budget example (something I didn't have growing up). Teaching them how to manage their spending money will also help keep yourself in check, too. I don't have any children but my man and I live together with our little dog. There's a lot of love there. But it's true, love isn't enough - especially since we are both ADD and bipolar. Money issues plague me, and I know that it's frustrating to him, too. I have debts going back many, many years and he's almost completely debt-free. He makes more money than I do, but he actually manages it so well that he doesn't have to worry about it. Frankly, I don't know how he does it. He actually sat me down the other night and told me to curb my laundry compulsion because it costs an extra $100 per month to do the amount of laundry I do! So in order to keep our money situation tight, we keep our finances separate. He pays certain bills, I pay the others. That way if something is late or shut off, we remain accountable to one another to keep our budgets. The only thing we contribute to together is the rent and food. Other than that, the utilities, home expenses, etc. are divvied up. My worst enemy is the dollar store!!! I go in for 2 things and end up with a carriageful of crap. Before I get in line, I ask myself if I really need it or if it can wait until the next paycheck. I usually end up putting back half of it before I even get in line.

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I do hope all the advice did give you some help. It easy to get very overwhelmed. I have a bank in another city and my money directly depost in it. the reason I did that it take allot of energy to get out to where my money is. I have two accounts and only 500 in my everyday account that i use with my debt card. I wet to Arizona for ten months alone and knew if I had to do it I could then came home to my family in the last few months I have put over 5,000 away for a rainy day or a trip to Italy with my daughter when she graduates Highschool before the stress of college . I had a thiing aabout e-bay and now I never even go on the site It killed me I could spend 1,00000s without caring. i just went cold turkey and now go for some trips to the city, taking italian class and hanging out with me and the kid also friends and you need to make a date one to two trips out with friend i did now my family has my attention when i am home. (Judi)

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Hi All, I am an older ADDer, diagnosed later in life than most of the people on these forums. I struggled all my life with all these "idiosyncrasies" that no one that I knew had. To prove my ADD exists I forgot to get the username of the person who started this thread. I want to say to you-You are not a screwup. You are just like the rest of us struggling with this different way our brains work. Don't give up!

Try a grief group that was suggested by another person. Losing one important person in our lives is debilitating to most people.......You lost three in a short time. That's enough to depress anyone. I went to one after losing only my mother. Nothing helps like having someone to talk to who's been where you are & understands your feelings.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Do you have supportive family or friends that are long distance calls away? Why don't you try looking for a telephone service provider that gives you unlimited long distance calls. Where I live the cable/internet provider is competing with the local phone company & they include long distance free. Reach out & get the support you need.......but don't give up.

And don't forget to keep praying like another person suggested. Your heavenly Father is up there waiting to hear from you and loving you. He has a plan for your life. It is in the Bible...... Jeremiah 29:11, 12.

God Bless, inahurry

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Hi All, True to my ADD, I started out planning to post this first then started my previous post instead & forgot to delete the title line when I posted it.

I am an older ADDer, diagnosed later in life than most of the people on these forums. I struggled all my life with all these "idiosyncrasies" that no one that I knew had. But I feel very fortunate in one way, because I was raised by parents who went through the great depression & were forced to be VERY frugal. My Mom had to quit school in 6th grade & go to work to pitch in to help support her family. As a result, I learned their attitudes toward money. Even now, I have to force myself to be a little more liberal with my spending habits when I CAN afford something.

In view of the problems ADDers have with finances I feel blessed to have this background & habits. I sure do have most of the other ADD characteristics.

My parents always used the old fashioned way of budgeting. When my dad got paid.....in cash- weekly. They would take 1/4 of the amount of money needed to pay each category for the month & put that amount of money in separate envelopes & the envelopes were kept in a metal locked box. You can NEVER take money from the envelopes. It will insure that the money is there when the bill is due. If you want to buy something you can buy it only if there is extra money for it.....if not, you don't buy it. There were no credit cards. It taught us to look for better ways to buy some necessary item....sales, second hand, etc. That meant we had a little extra money to save or spend on some goody.

I know this seems like it's from the dark ages but it worked. It is very nontechnical in today's world of online bill paying, credit & debit cards etc. but it is a very SIMPLE way to handle money. I pass this on in case it might help someone out there who is struggling with handling their finances. I know we ADDers have a problem with impulsivity but if the money is at home & not in your pocket it's harder to spend. This of course means no credit cards in your pocket either. Simplifying it might just work for you.

I hope this helps someone.

inahurry

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