Well, as you all know I've been going through a bitter cusotdy battle over my 7-yr-old son William . DSS has made it clear that no matter if Jeremy and I comply with the 6 1/2 yr months of assessments, that it would be another yr before I would get even one supervised visitation with my son, along with another year on top of that before the reunification process could start along with yrs of being in and out of court. DSS has their minds made up concerning Jeremy based on what was written in CPS report , automatically judging him becau. I am ADD, therefore I am unfit mother and unfit parent -- because I am with Jeremy I'm even more of an unfit mother. My own son doesn't have any memory of me because Leslie (who is his legal guardian) has him so brain washed, therefore my own son believes that I'm a no good mommy and that I don't love him and I never wanted him to begin with. So I have come to the most difficult decision a mother can make, and that is put William up for adoption - I'm not giving him up because I don't want him, or because Jeremy and I aren't able to provide for him or because we can't give him enough love, no no- I'm giving him up because Jeremy and I can't raise him the way he needs to be raised, our life is very stressful in it's self , not to mention the fact that Jeremy and I are having to take care of my mother and that is very stressful as well, so therefore it's not the best environment for a child. Truth of the matter is I love my son with all my heart and I want nothing but the best for him, I want him to have the best life and all the opportunities that life offers. I hate the thought of not being able to watch my little boy grow up and be apart of that, but I also don't want to be the one who held him back from living the life that he deserves to have a chance at. I'll be honest this hurts like hell but the last thing I want is for William to have to go through any more emotional and mental torture because I wanted to keep him for myself and not allow him to have a good, normal life. I know that part of being a mother is not being selfish and putting your child first, I know that part of being a mother is some times making the hardest decisions, even when it hurts the mother, to make sure that your child has a better life. Now as for Jeremy and I and having children of our own, well if god deems to bless us with children of our own, then so be it, and if he doesn't then Jeremy and I have each other, there for we have to make the most of the life and what god has already given us. I'm in the process of writing letters to William that show how much I fought for him and that I didn't give him up because I no longer wanted him , I didn't give him up just so I could go off with Jeremy and have the family that I always wanted, no no, I gave him up because I want him to have the best and I love him enough to let him go . Now I don't want people to read this post and think that I'm a bad mother or that I'm giving my son up because I don't want to do everything that DSS is asking me to do , in order to get him back, no no, the last thing I want for people on here to judge me and think that I'm just this crazy ADD woman who got pregnant at 19, was a mother by age 20, struggled for yrs to raise her son the right way - and give him the best, and in the wake of wanting to have the best I caused him even more mental and emotional pain because I appointed a good girlfriend of mine whom I trusted with my life as a guardian of my son, whom betrayed me as well as my son, which is the reason why I feel that is best for my son to go up for adoption and get adopted by an honest, loving Christian family who will hopefully understand my reasons and understand me and in return will allow me to be involved with my son's life some how some way - All I know is that I want the best for William even if the best thing is for him not to be with me and Jeremy .

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