Hi Kaye:

Wow. This is a tough one. I see in some of your previous posts that you're using a 'token system' with your son and I assume you've tried it with your stepdaughter as well... Do you see any improvements in behavior when she knows she's working toward a reward? Or do the incentives and demerits not make any difference? It sounds like she's dealing with some serious immaturity problems, and that she's not sure how to act like a big sister to your son... Have you thought about a Big Sister/Little Sister program for her where she could learn some good behaviors from a role model (other than her own mom)? Maybe fostering a little responsibility and self-confidence through summer 'jobs' (like cleaning out the 'fridge) for which she would be paid?

Here are some other articles that might help...

The Girls’ Guide to AD/HD: Don’t Lose This Book! http://www.additudemag.com/adhd-web/article/842.html

Does Your ADHD Child 'Act Like a Baby?' http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2538.html

Helping Kids Who Hit: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/763.html

Making Peace with Your Defiant Child: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/879.html

Best of luck!

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We tried the token system with her but she really does not care....She is very difiant. If she dosent brush her hair in the morning before school - we would send her with messy hair. She would in turn shrug it off and tell the teachers and students that her father did not let her brush her hair. She rolls her eyes and yesterday she told her father to shut up. I will read the articles and was looking into the book. It had pretty good reviews - I just hope she'll read it :) Thanks you!

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My sympathies Kaye, I know just what you're dealing with. My older stepson who is now 14 has presented all sorts of challenges and frustrations. At first I didn't quite know what I was looking at--depression? Personality disorder? I had my DSM IV out quite a bit but I didn't put my finger on it. My stepson had the testing battery for ADHD and came up positive. This answered many of my questions and made the "big picture" make more sense. Our family doctor put him on Concerta and it's been like night and day. I would suggest to anyone that they should first be tested and have definitive ADHD results. Then if symptoms interfere with activities of daily life, a trial run of medication is warranted as is a visit (or visits) to the psychiatrist/psychologist. I recommend reading or asking about COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY.

I would also seriously consider family therapy. Oftentimes if there's one problem member, then the whole dynamic is skewed. It sounds like your stepdaughter is struggling with the notion of her parents' divorce and hasn't learned to completely calm down.

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I like the family therapy idea but her MOTHER would insist on coming along with us. She is convinced that taking Eve to therapy is just us trying to find dirt on her....we tried it before we were married to make sure the kids had an open forum for any issues they faced and her mom FREAKED and made Eve feel guilty for going...even threatened to go back to court to reduce parenting time. There is no way this is going to be easy but if anyone has any tricks they use to reduce the stress and turn in without being overwhelmed I am all ears!! I just don't want to end up hating my step-child because of a situation/condition that is not under her control.

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If it were me, I'd have her mom come to therapy too. She needs to see for herself what is going on. Like it or not, it's a team thing, and you'll need her mother on board to get any kind of progress... besides, it will keep her from "freaking out".

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You know my nephew has ADHD and they have him on a Gluten Free diet which I am very familiar with seeing that I am alergic to Gluten. Gluten is found in Wheet, Rye, Barley, & Oats. (potatoes and rice are OK to eat though). When my nephew started on a gluten free diet, it helped TREMENDOUSLY. Try cutting out most items with Gluten or, try buying Gluten free foods. Use rice or tapioca flour, stay away from pasta or buy gluten free pastas basically, try keeping her off anything with Gluten. It may not help the entire problem but I think would make quite a differance.

IF you live in or near the state of Illinois, there is going to be a Gluten Free Symposium on July 26th from 10am-4pm. It will take place at Lakes Community High School 1600 Eagle Way in Lake Villa Il 60046. We will have 3 speakers and one of them is a nutritionests. Go to the web page for more information www.egmglutenfree.com

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