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Sometimes It Is Just Too Hard

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Thread : Sometimes It Is Just Too Hard
19 Jun 2008 @ 3:03 PM
Chelle	Join Date: Fri 6th Jun 2008 Threads: 1 Posts: 1
Sometimes It Is Just Too Hard My son was diagnosed ADD at the age of 3. He had been expelled from one daycare, and was on the verge of being expelled from another. He was put on meds, and like almost all instances, we have had to change and adjust those meds throughout the years. He is now 9. He has really put us through the ringer as far as his behavior is concerned, at school and at home. We have tried all types of punishment for him from spanking, to talking, to time out. We have offered him incentives like money and other rewards. I thought we have now gotten it under control, but I was just practically smacked in the face with a new issue. I just found out, after living in my neighborhood for a year, that my son is extremely disrespectful and ugly to the adults when he goes to friends houses. I NEVER KNEW. NO ONE EVER TOLD ME. I have heard so many times from parents that he is polite and respectful, I assumed that is how he acted. Even my mother says she knew otherwise, but she never told me. From what I was told today, he mouths off, rolls his eyes, and just doesn't listen so he gets sent home. I never had a clue because, again, I was never told (and yes I have asked before). In fact, one parent told me just a couple of weeks ago she thought he was mature for his age. Now here is a little background. Up until a few months ago, I thought I had depression with a mix of some bipolar. I do not take meds for it. I was a single mom for the first 3 years of Ezra's life and there were times that I over punished him. I would yell and scream at him. But I would also constantly cuddle and love on him too. He certainly does not lack love at all!! After I had been married for a few years, I found out the my step-daughter had been hitting/picking on him and her other sister when my husband and I were not home. In fact, there were times they had to lock themselves in my bedroom. Then, as that same step-daughter grew into those teen years, her behavior just became horribly obnoxious, and my son would hear us screaming and fighting. Then there is is PawPaw who gives him ANYTHING he wants, and lets him go where and when he wants. Come to find out, I have Adult ADHD, which explains my volatile moods and disorganization, etc. So I believe that all of this exposure has really hurt him more than I every knew. Now I know better. I have learned so much in the past year through all kinds of research. The past few months I have been really bothered by the fact that he doesn't seem to have any friends. I would invite kids to my house to play/spend the night, but no one ever, ever, ever invites him over. By the end of this past baseball season, his entire team barely spoke to him. And now I find out about his behavior when he goes to the neighborhood kids houses. It really hurts because his sister and my husband are his best friends/playmates. So, after writing all of the above, my question is what do I do? I am at such a loss. I have tried so hard to do the best that I could (with the knowledge that I had at the time). I feel like a failure as a mother. I know my son so well, and he really can be a good loving child. He is smart and very athletic. Through some of the research I had done, I changed the way we handle him and it seems to be working. But I guess that is only when we are with him. At this point I feel like raising him is too hard for me. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted between him and my step-daughter (who is now 17). I feel like I have to stay home 24/7 with them so I can make sure they are acting right. Does anyone know if it is too late for him, or can you tell me how to help him change his behavior when he is at other peoples houses? Quote

Thread : Sometimes It Is Just Too Hard

19 Jun 2008 @ 3:03 PM

Chelle

Join Date: Fri 6th Jun 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 1

Sometimes It Is Just Too Hard

My son was diagnosed ADD at the age of 3. He had been expelled from one daycare, and was on the verge of being expelled from another. He was put on meds, and like almost all instances, we have had to change and adjust those meds throughout the years. He is now 9. He has really put us through the ringer as far as his behavior is concerned, at school and at home. We have tried all types of punishment for him from spanking, to talking, to time out. We have offered him incentives like money and other rewards. I thought we have now gotten it under control, but I was just practically smacked in the face with a new issue. I just found out, after living in my neighborhood for a year, that my son is extremely disrespectful and ugly to the adults when he goes to friends houses. I NEVER KNEW. NO ONE EVER TOLD ME. I have heard so many times from parents that he is polite and respectful, I assumed that is how he acted. Even my mother says she knew otherwise, but she never told me. From what I was told today, he mouths off, rolls his eyes, and just doesn't listen so he gets sent home. I never had a clue because, again, I was never told (and yes I have asked before). In fact, one parent told me just a couple of weeks ago she thought he was mature for his age.

Now here is a little background. Up until a few months ago, I thought I had depression with a mix of some bipolar. I do not take meds for it. I was a single mom for the first 3 years of Ezra's life and there were times that I over punished him. I would yell and scream at him. But I would also constantly cuddle and love on him too. He certainly does not lack love at all!! After I had been married for a few years, I found out the my step-daughter had been hitting/picking on him and her other sister when my husband and I were not home. In fact, there were times they had to lock themselves in my bedroom. Then, as that same step-daughter grew into those teen years, her behavior just became horribly obnoxious, and my son would hear us screaming and fighting. Then there is is PawPaw who gives him ANYTHING he wants, and lets him go where and when he wants. Come to find out, I have Adult ADHD, which explains my volatile moods and disorganization, etc. So I believe that all of this exposure has really hurt him more than I every knew. Now I know better. I have learned so much in the past year through all kinds of research.

The past few months I have been really bothered by the fact that he doesn't seem to have any friends. I would invite kids to my house to play/spend the night, but no one ever, ever, ever invites him over. By the end of this past baseball season, his entire team barely spoke to him. And now I find out about his behavior when he goes to the neighborhood kids houses. It really hurts because his sister and my husband are his best friends/playmates.

So, after writing all of the above, my question is what do I do? I am at such a loss. I have tried so hard to do the best that I could (with the knowledge that I had at the time). I feel like a failure as a mother. I know my son so well, and he really can be a good loving child. He is smart and very athletic. Through some of the research I had done, I changed the way we handle him and it seems to be working. But I guess that is only when we are with him. At this point I feel like raising him is too hard for me. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted between him and my step-daughter (who is now 17). I feel like I have to stay home 24/7 with them so I can make sure they are acting right. Does anyone know if it is too late for him, or can you tell me how to help him change his behavior when he is at other peoples houses?

Quote

19 Jun 2008 @ 3:53 PM Reply # 1
Anni	Join Date: Thu 25th Oct 2007 Threads: 2 Posts: 230
Acting Up with Friends Hi Chelle: You are not a failure! You are a loving and caring mother who does all she can to help her son - your post above shows that beyond a doubt! First of all, are you taking any medication for your own ADHD? If not, you may want to look into that since treating your own symptoms first might allow you to better deal with your son's situation (like placing the oxygen mask over your own mouth first...) Second, have you tried setting up a system of behavior therapy with your son? The American Psychological Association recommends it as the first treatment option for ADD children under 4, and it's shown to help kids of all ages when used in conjunction with meds. In short, it involves setting up a few very attainable, measurable goals that you can track each day. If your son reaches his benchmark for the day, he receives an agreed-upon reward. If he makes it 80% of the way, he gets a smaller reward. If he acts up a little, you ignore it. If he acts up a lot (like at friends' houses), he loses privileges - things he knows about ahead of time. Below are some of our best articles about behavior therapy... http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/3577.html http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/860.html http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1563.html Also, you should check out some of our stories about becoming your child's friendship coach... http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1495.html http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2512.html http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/924.html I'd be interested to hear if any of these resources helps in any way! Good luck. Quote

19 Jun 2008 @ 3:53 PM Reply # 1

Anni

Join Date: Thu 25th Oct 2007
Threads: 2 Posts: 230

Acting Up with Friends

Hi Chelle:

You are not a failure! You are a loving and caring mother who does all she can to help her son - your post above shows that beyond a doubt! First of all, are you taking any medication for your own ADHD? If not, you may want to look into that since treating your own symptoms first might allow you to better deal with your son's situation (like placing the oxygen mask over your own mouth first...)

Second, have you tried setting up a system of behavior therapy with your son? The American Psychological Association recommends it as the first treatment option for ADD children under 4, and it's shown to help kids of all ages when used in conjunction with meds. In short, it involves setting up a few very attainable, measurable goals that you can track each day. If your son reaches his benchmark for the day, he receives an agreed-upon reward. If he makes it 80% of the way, he gets a smaller reward. If he acts up a little, you ignore it. If he acts up a lot (like at friends' houses), he loses privileges - things he knows about ahead of time. Below are some of our best articles about behavior therapy...

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/3577.html

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/860.html

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1563.html

Also, you should check out some of our stories about becoming your child's friendship coach...

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1495.html

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2512.html

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/924.html

I'd be interested to hear if any of these resources helps in any way! Good luck.

Quote

27 Jun 2008 @ 1:26 AM Reply # 2
Nay	Join Date: Sun 18th May 2008 Threads: 0 Posts: 4
I totally know how you feel... While reading your post, I'm saying WOW..sounds all too familiar, my son is 10, has beed DX since age 3 also, and I also have ADHD. I often too feel so overwhelmed with my son's issues in school and with friends and family.I often throw my hands up, and just say I do not know how to handle this..uggghhhh !. I have been medicated for my ADHD before and ended up quitiing the med's because I did not like the way they made me feel. I did not feel like myself (something my son says to me often about himself too)..And I just felt that I had lived with it for soo long and "thought" I had it all figured out and with extra effort, I and could deal wIth this by myself...WRONG ! I am calling my doctor to get back on the meds. I will deal with whatever "other" feelings i have as long as I can get a grip on my own chaos ( that is wayy too present in my mind constantly ) as I 'm sure you know. number one priority is how can I fix my son and help make better choices and keep friends. He is so competitive and is a natural at all sports too and thats a good thing, but his attitude with his peers and extreme competitiveness and aggressivnes drives them away. He just seems to lose all control especially on the playground at school. He talks back at home, everything is a challenge with him, as if he enjoys it or cannot move forward until he drives us absolutley crazy. And yet he too is the most loving, caring, generous kid I know..;) Alot of people want to say "he just needs a good disciplining" or wow, hes terrible..those things arent true. I need to learn how to teach my child and stay consistent and try new things all the time to keep up with him. that has been the hardest thing for me as I m sure it would be for any parennt but a parent with ADHD..you know?? You are not alone, and I really think that my son is very oblivious in some ways on how he makes people feel and I know for certain he often feels like he's the one being picked on, takes everything way to personally and does not know how to "take things"...I'm the same way, we are dealing with the IEP"S and that is a whole other issue that I cringe upon..I am going to look into the links that the previous respondent gave to you, sometimes I read so much and try to sort through it all and actually make a plan out of it but that too has been a struggle for me....good luck to you, ;) Quote

27 Jun 2008 @ 1:26 AM Reply # 2

Nay

Join Date: Sun 18th May 2008
Threads: 0 Posts: 4

I totally know how you feel...

While reading your post, I'm saying WOW..sounds all too familiar, my son is 10, has beed DX since age 3 also, and I also have ADHD. I often too feel so overwhelmed with my son's issues in school and with friends and family.I often throw my hands up, and just say I do not know how to handle this..uggghhhh !. I have been medicated for my ADHD before and ended up quitiing the med's because I did not like the way they made me feel. I did not feel like myself (something my son says to me often about himself too)..And I just felt that I had lived with it for soo long and "thought" I had it all figured out and with extra effort, I and could deal wIth this by myself...WRONG ! I am calling my doctor to get back on the meds. I will deal with whatever "other" feelings i have as long as I can get a grip on my own chaos ( that is wayy too present in my mind constantly ) as I 'm sure you know. number one priority is how can I fix my son and help make better choices and keep friends. He is so competitive and is a natural at all sports too and thats a good thing, but his attitude with his peers and extreme competitiveness and aggressivnes drives them away. He just seems to lose all control especially on the playground at school. He talks back at home, everything is a challenge with him, as if he enjoys it or cannot move forward until he drives us absolutley crazy. And yet he too is the most loving, caring, generous kid I know..;) Alot of people want to say "he just needs a good disciplining" or wow, hes terrible..those things arent true. I need to learn how to teach my child and stay consistent and try new things all the time to keep up with him. that has been the hardest thing for me as I m sure it would be for any parennt but a parent with ADHD..you know?? You are not alone, and I really think that my son is very oblivious in some ways on how he makes people feel and I know for certain he often feels like he's the one being picked on, takes everything way to personally and does not know how to "take things"...I'm the same way, we are dealing with the IEP"S and that is a whole other issue that I cringe upon..I am going to look into the links that the previous respondent gave to you, sometimes I read so much and try to sort through it all and actually make a plan out of it but that too has been a struggle for me....good luck to you, ;)

Quote

27 Jun 2008 @ 8:23 AM Reply # 3
scr1203	Join Date: Thu 29th May 2008 Threads: Posts:
You are not alone Wow when I read the previous messages I was somewhat relieved that I was not the only one going through this. I'm a single mother, my son is 9 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD w/ combined ODD at 4 1/2 years and it was so bad I had to put him on medication. Medication was a struggle because some didn't work, some gave the opposite reaction and some only helped a little bit. My son went through 3 different daycares and when we got to elementary school we had those struggles. Kindergarten he had a young teacher that picked everything out and he was kicked out (only b/c of a district thing) we came back and got a new teacher and class and things improved a little. I also did tons of research and continue everyday.. His school recommended a counselor which he started to see and she felt he had other issues and we did further diagnoses and they also could not rule out that he had AS (Aspergers Syndrome) along with depression and anxiety. The counselor helped me with the school IEP and that has been a huge plus but everyday we have struggles. Everything depends on the teacher you get. So you as a mother demand the best for your child and you can get it. A little background. We left his father at the age of 4 years old and his father has nothing to do with him (by his fathers choice) and I was also diagnosed with ADHD. I went on medication for a while but it didn't really do anything so I stopped but just recently I realized that in order to take care of my child I had to take care of myself. I have always been the one to help and care for others. I am now taking care of myself and taking medication again (a different brand) and it has helped me greatly. My son is very loving and caring has more adult friends then friends his own age. He struggles in school and this past year he was suspended twice for behavior. Although the first time I feel wasn't completely his fault. All the kids at school pick on him and don't understand him and unfortunately he always ends up as the one getting into trouble. He repeated the 1st grade and that was a huge struggle for me but later realized it was the best thing for him. He is now a straigh A student. If only I can cure the behavior problems. Yes he argues, talks back and can be difiant. But a lot of his behvaior problems also have to do with the ODD (oppositional difiant disorder) and the Aspergers syndrome. After trying different medications we found one that worked and he is now on the new Daytrana patch and it has been great. along with counseling. That is another thing that we had to find the one he would open up to and she has been great. As for behavior and disapline I have just ordered the Total Transformation Program and I'll let you all know how it turns out. From the information it is suppose to be really good for children with behavior problems and ADHD. http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/LongCopy.aspx So you mothers out there do not ever feel that you are a failure. We all do the best we can and as mothers we all do ANYTHING for our children. Yes we struggle and it is exhausting. Remember you have to take care of yourself first in order to take care of your children for the long run. Hang in there your are not alone.... Quote

27 Jun 2008 @ 8:23 AM Reply # 3

scr1203

Join Date: Thu 29th May 2008
Threads: Posts:

You are not alone

Wow when I read the previous messages I was somewhat relieved that I was not the only one going through this. I'm a single mother, my son is 9 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD w/ combined ODD at 4 1/2 years and it was so bad I had to put him on medication. Medication was a struggle because some didn't work, some gave the opposite reaction and some only helped a little bit. My son went through 3 different daycares and when we got to elementary school we had those struggles. Kindergarten he had a young teacher that picked everything out and he was kicked out (only b/c of a district thing) we came back and got a new teacher and class and things improved a little. I also did tons of research and continue everyday.. His school recommended a counselor which he started to see and she felt he had other issues and we did further diagnoses and they also could not rule out that he had AS (Aspergers Syndrome) along with depression and anxiety. The counselor helped me with the school IEP and that has been a huge plus but everyday we have struggles. Everything depends on the teacher you get. So you as a mother demand the best for your child and you can get it.

A little background. We left his father at the age of 4 years old and his father has nothing to do with him (by his fathers choice) and I was also diagnosed with ADHD. I went on medication for a while but it didn't really do anything so I stopped but just recently I realized that in order to take care of my child I had to take care of myself. I have always been the one to help and care for others. I am now taking care of myself and taking medication again (a different brand) and it has helped me greatly. My son is very loving and caring has more adult friends then friends his own age. He struggles in school and this past year he was suspended twice for behavior. Although the first time I feel wasn't completely his fault. All the kids at school pick on him and don't understand him and unfortunately he always ends up as the one getting into trouble. He repeated the 1st grade and that was a huge struggle for me but later realized it was the best thing for him. He is now a straigh A student. If only I can cure the behavior problems. Yes he argues, talks back and can be difiant. But a lot of his behvaior problems also have to do with the ODD (oppositional difiant disorder) and the Aspergers syndrome. After trying different medications we found one that worked and he is now on the new Daytrana patch and it has been great. along with counseling. That is another thing that we had to find the one he would open up to and she has been great.

As for behavior and disapline I have just ordered the Total Transformation Program and I'll let you all know how it turns out. From the information it is suppose to be really good for children with behavior problems and ADHD.

http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/LongCopy.aspx

So you mothers out there do not ever feel that you are a failure. We all do the best we can and as mothers we all do ANYTHING for our children. Yes we struggle and it is exhausting. Remember you have to take care of yourself first in order to take care of your children for the long run. Hang in there your are not alone....

Quote

4 Aug 2008 @ 4:56 AM Reply # 4
Patti Samyn	Join Date: Mon 4th Aug 2008 Threads: 0 Posts: 1
Maybe this might help :) I have a 9yr old ADHD daughter. And well... your struggle is familiar. Some thoughts for you. 1- The social cues that most of us learn and recognize are not always so for these kids. This might be an opportunity to talk to the parents or the mom of a playdate friend. Explain to the mom that you've gone over correct and respectful behavior with your son. Enlist the mom to reinforce your words and to let you know how he's doing. Then consistantly acknowledge the good and give consequences for negative and disrespectful behavior. It might even be helpful to learn rote and prerehearsed answers and actions. Start on a sliding scale, as these are hard habits to build (for all of us.) :) 2- They don't always see things the way we do. in fact they often truly think the sequence of things is different. Like, he made fun of me first then pushed me, so I pushed him. Reality: he said something I didn't like, I pushed him. At this age it's hard to tell if they're manipulating or telling the truth (of what they think not always the reality of the situation.) For my daughter I don't always know, but I am at least open to it. In the end though, they still have to 'make it right' regardless of what their 'opinion' is. This is a life skill that is good to learn now, as most of us can recount times where we have been right or truthful, but still had to apologize. After you've heard him out (because he probably doesn't see it as rude and direspectful) and acknowleged, you can then tell them how the receiver of that felt and that whether he did or not isn't really the issue. Its that there's someone who's feelings are hurt and his apology will make amends. Teach him that people don't always see things the same (over and over again) and it will feel unfair. But those are the rules all of us - not just him- have to live with. 3- Anxiety rules their lives. How they respond to their world is a reflection of just that. If you really look, you'll see that many of these kids are perfectionists. With the anxiety produced from their dissapointment in themselves - well I'd be cranky too. In moments of calm and reflective talk, my daughter has at times opened up and been vulnerable on how she feels about herself. A small glimpse into her brain. She is very aware of the fact that she's different and knows her life is 'hard'. She has a sister who has an easy time in areas where she is weak. It only punctuates her understanding of these weaknesses. To counter they have coping mechanisms, which can be the above 2 points, &/or anger, whininess, helplessness, and so many other manifestations of this underlying anxiety. There is no easy fix to this. To help them on this they have to experience success. They have to know they're loved - even at their worst (very hard as a mom, but critical.) Tell him every day that he is loved and gifted. Show him stories of successful adults with LD's and ADHD, etc. Everything from historic figures to Olympians, to CEO's (Additude has had articles on both top athletes and CEO's.) There are books out there he can read to learn about how he feels and acts - and that he's not alone! Tell him all about his ADHD and that it is NOT a handicap but a great gift. Yes life will be harder than your average kid, but the pay off will be better. Who doesn't agree that the things we have worked hardest for are those of which we are most proud? Tell him this every day. I've heard it said that a life well spent is when you can say that you've had one good friend. Your son does not need many or even a few friends. The fact that he has you and his sister, is wonderful. Those are two good friends. Friends if they're meant to be will come. In fact if this doesn't get better (the rudeness and disrespect) don't have playdates. Again why add to his negative arsenal? Unless he really wants to go to a friends house - which then you could go over the ground rules for adults. Talk to him about it (not lecture) and find out how he feels. He's at an age where he can (when the moment is right for both of you) tell exactly what's going on in his head. Lastly, for us our faith truly defines our actions in our parenting. For me I know that God has put her here on earth with a purpose and she knows it too. I've seen some of her gifts (particularly her humor - its histerical!) and we talk about how God never leaves us hi-and-dry. Our belief in Christ helps her to stand on the principal that she was made by God just the way she is - on purpose. So she is Not a mistake. Yes she has gotten mad at God for making her like that - and that's ok. I only add this last paragraph because at the end of the day, I have peace knowing that this is how it's supposed to be. And that not only am I raising an amazing child, but that I'm learning so much from her and through her along the way. I hope all this helps. Don't ever think you're unworthy. That alleges defeat and that is not an option. Your son needs your love and strength. You are his mom because you were meant to be his mom and as such - you are the best possible mom he could ever have. Quote Last edited by Patti Samyn : 4 Aug 2008 @ 4:57 AM. Reason:

4 Aug 2008 @ 4:56 AM Reply # 4

Patti Samyn

Join Date: Mon 4th Aug 2008
Threads: 0 Posts: 1

Maybe this might help :)

I have a 9yr old ADHD daughter. And well... your struggle is familiar. Some thoughts for you. 1- The social cues that most of us learn and recognize are not always so for these kids. This might be an opportunity to talk to the parents or the mom of a playdate friend. Explain to the mom that you've gone over correct and respectful behavior with your son. Enlist the mom to reinforce your words and to let you know how he's doing. Then consistantly acknowledge the good and give consequences for negative and disrespectful behavior. It might even be helpful to learn rote and prerehearsed answers and actions. Start on a sliding scale, as these are hard habits to build (for all of us.) :)

2- They don't always see things the way we do. in fact they often truly think the sequence of things is different. Like, he made fun of me first then pushed me, so I pushed him. Reality: he said something I didn't like, I pushed him. At this age it's hard to tell if they're manipulating or telling the truth (of what they think not always the reality of the situation.) For my daughter I don't always know, but I am at least open to it. In the end though, they still have to 'make it right' regardless of what their 'opinion' is. This is a life skill that is good to learn now, as most of us can recount times where we have been right or truthful, but still had to apologize. After you've heard him out (because he probably doesn't see it as rude and direspectful) and acknowleged, you can then tell them how the receiver of that felt and that whether he did or not isn't really the issue. Its that there's someone who's feelings are hurt and his apology will make amends. Teach him that people don't always see things the same (over and over again) and it will feel unfair. But those are the rules all of us - not just him- have to live with.

3- Anxiety rules their lives. How they respond to their world is a reflection of just that. If you really look, you'll see that many of these kids are perfectionists. With the anxiety produced from their dissapointment in themselves - well I'd be cranky too. In moments of calm and reflective talk, my daughter has at times opened up and been vulnerable on how she feels about herself. A small glimpse into her brain. She is very aware of the fact that she's different and knows her life is 'hard'. She has a sister who has an easy time in areas where she is weak. It only punctuates her understanding of these weaknesses. To counter they have coping mechanisms, which can be the above 2 points, &/or anger, whininess, helplessness, and so many other manifestations of this underlying anxiety. There is no easy fix to this. To help them on this they have to experience success. They have to know they're loved - even at their worst (very hard as a mom, but critical.) Tell him every day that he is loved and gifted. Show him stories of successful adults with LD's and ADHD, etc. Everything from historic figures to Olympians, to CEO's (Additude has had articles on both top athletes and CEO's.) There are books out there he can read to learn about how he feels and acts - and that he's not alone! Tell him all about his ADHD and that it is NOT a handicap but a great gift. Yes life will be harder than your average kid, but the pay off will be better. Who doesn't agree that the things we have worked hardest for are those of which we are most proud? Tell him this every day.

I've heard it said that a life well spent is when you can say that you've had one good friend. Your son does not need many or even a few friends. The fact that he has you and his sister, is wonderful. Those are two good friends. Friends if they're meant to be will come. In fact if this doesn't get better (the rudeness and disrespect) don't have playdates. Again why add to his negative arsenal? Unless he really wants to go to a friends house - which then you could go over the ground rules for adults. Talk to him about it (not lecture) and find out how he feels. He's at an age where he can (when the moment is right for both of you) tell exactly what's going on in his head.

Lastly, for us our faith truly defines our actions in our parenting. For me I know that God has put her here on earth with a purpose and she knows it too. I've seen some of her gifts (particularly her humor - its histerical!) and we talk about how God never leaves us hi-and-dry. Our belief in Christ helps her to stand on the principal that she was made by God just the way she is - on purpose. So she is Not a mistake. Yes she has gotten mad at God for making her like that - and that's ok.

I only add this last paragraph because at the end of the day, I have peace knowing that this is how it's supposed to be. And that not only am I raising an amazing child, but that I'm learning so much from her and through her along the way.

I hope all this helps. Don't ever think you're unworthy. That alleges defeat and that is not an option. Your son needs your love and strength. You are his mom because you were meant to be his mom and as such - you are the best possible mom he could ever have.

Quote

Last edited by Patti Samyn : 4 Aug 2008 @ 4:57 AM. Reason:

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