Hi Jeff:

Welcome to the ADDitude forums! Your post really does an excellent job of describing a problem that so many adults (and children) with ADHD face everyday - I loved the tone deaf analogy and have a few resources that you might want to check out. These are some ADDitude articles specifically about honing your listening skills and reigning in impulsive speech - two of the most common social problems that ADDers face.

5 Ways to Listen Effectively: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1988.html

Open Mouth, Insert Foot: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/950.html

Make a Great First Impression: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/777.html

I hope they help with some new ideas and strategies!

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Well my bestfriend since I was 12 is named Jeff; and outside of him I have friends over the years. Communication has always been difficult for me due to the fact I many times tune out especially if I don't find your conversation interesting . Other times I find it just difficult to talk to people I work with especially if I don't feel on your wave length; and then I just advoid talking to you. I however have been told by my patients I have extraordinary amount of patience when it comes to listening to them. I use to be very impulsive with my mouth ; and still do but not as often just blurt out what I'm Thinking and other times my mind feels like it going a miliion miles an hour and I don't make sense when I speak because my mouth can't keep up.I don't why thing go this way ; but I figure oh well it does and there isn't much I can do about it. For a ADD/ADHD person , I am pretty introverted and quite; but that I am acutely aware how hard it is to communicate except to my patients and I then am patient as a saint and teach everything they need to get by. sometimes I just wish I could talk to everyone and be comfortable talking about multiple subjects just like I am with my patients (Judi N. ).

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You guys have written some great stuff. Thank you. It helps me a lot. This topic has bugged me for my entire, undiagnosed and beyond, life. I 've read dozens of books and listened to lots of tapes, CDs, etc. on the subject - to no avail. Everything said in your posts, above, still applies to me.

I'm sure that we have all made close friends over the years, but I can't remember how I did it. Usually at work with other "rebel/outcast types." :) Most one-on-one get togethers are no sweat; really, they're great fun. I also have fun at parties, sporting events, etc. with friends, but I have learned to employ a different style of interaction at those times.

At the latter events, I insert myself in the group, but I keep my mouth shut tight, with two exceptions. I nod, smile, laugh, and am genuinely supportive of everyone else's opinions (unless they're mean, in which case I let them know it). The exceptions are, I don't speak unless I'm asking or answering a short question - just to show that I'm breathing. My second exception is, sometimes - but not on every occasion - I will lob a very short, and, fingers crossed, appropriate, sense of dry humor into the mix - at most two or three times during that evening.

Does this ever satisfy my combined ADD/ADHD, unguided, foot seeking, motor mouth of a brain? No, not completely. But occasionally I do get invited back. And then there are always those next day one-on-one lunches. Besides, I need lots of practice sharpening my listening skills, which really suck. Please keep this thread going.

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Same story here, I think the glasses dude who posted above me was giving some down-to-earth advice thanks bro. I'm living in Australia, making that fresh new start. Up until now I haven't done that much socialzing (actively) So I will remember to breathe as a person with a high self-esteem, stay in the moment. And always stay in the moment. Can't reiterate enough about that! ADD/ADHD RULES!

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Reading all of your answers was very informative to me. My husband has ADD and talk to anyone about anything at the drop of a hat. The thing is, he never knows when to stop talking, and always turns the conversation so it is about him and all the things that he knows. We have discussed this on several occassions, and with his agreement, I now sometimes step into the conversation when I think he has stepped on somebody's toes by cutting them off, or if I think he has talked long enough. I just interrupt and will say something like, "Could (the first person who was talking) explain their idea a little more? It sounds interesting." Or if my husband has been talking for a long time, I wil say something like, "Boy, you have given me a lot to think about. I wonder what (the person who was originally speaking) has to say about that." That lets my hubby know it is time to take a breather and listen for a change.

Another thing I might suggest is that if you are not sure if it time for you to talk, say something like, "Oh, I know what you mean." or, "I have a question about that." If the person makes eye contact with you and holds it for a second, they are waiting for you to say something. If they ignore what you said, or look at you and go back to talking, you know they are not ready to stop talking yet.

This is just one person's suggestion - I hope maybe it was helpful???

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