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I Feel So at Home Here
I have recently read some articles online (mostly from this website) and spoken with other people and I realize that for the first time I might have a definite answer as to why I 'am the way I am'. As many others have expressed, I have gone through life being labeled 'lazy, procrastinator, ditzy,' etc. I KNOW deep in my bones that I am smart, and I have had people tell me how intuitive and introspective and honest with myself I am. But I just could never get out what was the 'pure me' that I should be sharing with the world because I couldn't stay organized and on-task. I have great days where I can do just about anything, and I have days where I could easily stare at the wall for 5 hours and not know anything was wrong with that. Of course this had led to depression and a rocky marriage since we own a business together. I am in charge of most of the administrative and financial issues, which caused us much trouble! My husband's response in the past had always been that I needed to 'grow up and be responsible' instead of a whiny 5-year-old (as he saw it). Now that he's seen the symptom list, he can grasp that I'm not doing this on purpose and he is more understanding. However, it doesn't solve my problem.
I am about to get officially tested soon as I get together with someone who can do that. I don't have insurance right now, but I won't have a life soon if I can't turn things around! I just really wanted to post and thank all of you that I have read stories from for your candor and your willingness to share you feelings and experiences. For so many years I felt so alone. It's so freeing to hear I'm not just 'weird'. :)
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