Boy it sounds like you are going through the same thing we are with our son. My son will be 15 this year and everything you described about you son's behavior is almost identical to what I see in my son. Where as your son is the eldest of three mine is the youngest of three. Like your son, mine is well liked, tests advanced yet is failing half his classes. At home he has the same issues, not following through on chores or tasks, not remembering what was asked of him, etc. I too have thought of having him do some kind of labor intensive work. I have tried everything I could think of to help him get organized even simplifing down to just put your papers in this one folder so it will get home. Nothing we've tried lasts more than a few days. He was even folding up papers and putting them in his jeans so after a number of warnings I sewed all his jeans pockets shut! At least we knew his papers were in his backpack. I know all of his teachers on a first nam basis. My husband and I have even spent a week taking turns sitting in on his class. 8th graders don't like having parents in class and my son was no exception. His teachers tell me it's a maturity thing not ADD. My sister a high school science teacher says she has kids in her classes who are ADD and have the same issues as my son. I don't know what to do. I haven't had him tested for ADD yet, but I'm thinking about it. I keep telling myself it will all work out in the long run. I know many people who squeaked through school yet wound up in good jobs with great families. God seems to take care of us despite ourselves. I guess that would be the thought I would like to share with you (and keep reminding myself!).

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Thanks for your response to my post, it's nice to know we are not alone. I had to giggle at the part in your post about the pants pockets, that was funny. I thought "gee what a great idea". My son also uses the pants pocket system and the crammed in the backpack system of organization. I too have purchased every conceiveable organizer for him and still there is no improvement. This Fall he was so overwhelmed in his Geometry class that he decided to place every packet of uncompleted homework neatly in sequential order into his backpack. After parent/teacher conferences we asked him about his missing work and tadaaaa....it magically appeared beautifully in order all shiny and new. I almost passed out! That is when we finally realized this problem is so much bigger than us. My husband and I cannot fathom that type of behavior. In reality, my husband (who now fully admits that he had/has ADD tendencies) acknowledges that he also hated some parts of school but he never stockpiled his work, he found a way to work through it. My husband probably slid under the radar and at the time we were growing up, kids weren't labeled like they are today. We were expected to work hard and that is just what we did. I have also threatened to sit in on his classes but now he is in HS and although it is still in my arsenal, I havn't done that yet. As I stated in my post, I am not a believer in the whole ADD world. I realize there are some kids without question who are suffering (& the families are suffering too) but I think they over diagnosis kids just to keep the teachers and sometimes the parents happy. This became very apparent to me a few years ago when I was a camp counselor at our churches summer camp. During one of the first meals, they announced for the kids who needed to "see the nurse to please come forward". Half of the kids, mostly boys, stepped up with no embarrasment (in our day, you wouldn't be caught dead going to the nurse for anything) I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. As counselors we would get together for meetings and that was the topic of discussion (how many kids were medicated) We had our son tested just to rule it out and so he couldn't use it as another excuse. You are right, in the long run, they will hopefully turn out to be great, successful adults but getting from here to there might put me in a home. Since we just moved here almost 3 years ago, I immediately got involved in the schools and I am on the exec board of the Parents /Teachers org. and it has helped to meet the support staff and the teachers and dept heads. It has come in handy when I have had to discuss his progress. They also seem to appreciate that I am involved (we feed them well) and they remember me when they see me around campus and they usually say "remind Matt about his homework" etc. Last night we sat him down for his annual "talk" post grades and he just sat there in a daze while we exhausted the English language trying to express our frustration. He says that he doesn't want to disappoint us or see my cry over all of this, and I believe he is being sincere. I feel that he needs to look in the mirror and admit to himself that only he can make the necessary changes to get this train back on the track. Of course it almost goes without saying that we as parents have perspective and that only comes with time and maturity. I sometimes forget that they are still kids but I have high expectations for him and our girls. Thanks for reading and I appreciate and believe your comment that God takes care of us despite ourselves. I keep trying to figure this out when really, I should be focusing on spending time with them since that time will soon be gone and I don't want to look back and remember being continually frustrated. :) Please reply

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Just a quick note to make sure you both saw our cadre of articles about teens with ADHD: http://www.additudemag.com/topic/parenting-adhd-children/teens.html

If I can help answer any specific questions (about summer or college or friendships, whatvever), just let me know!

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Thanks Anni, I will gather my thought and email later on today.

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I'm going thru the same ordeal with my second son (14). He's just finishing 8th grade and will go onto 9th eventhough he failed 3 out 4 core classes. This all started when he entered the 7th grade. Up until then he was a very good student. The difference in my situation is my eldest son (15 1/2) and third son (11) have the major behavioral issues along with ADHD. My second son and fourth child...a girl (8)...yeah...they have motivation issues. They are both very social and well liked. They have been tested and my son tests very high. All of my kids have an IEP and I'v found that this has helped me with my second son. He says he does his work, but it's not turned in, it's one excuse or another. So this is how I've tried to handle the situation...I'm pretty much out of the loop. His case manager is the one that holds his accountable. Consequences are not fun when at school. Now I can't say it has helped altogether, but it's a step in the right direction. They say baby steps and it holds true to what we as parents need to do to help our kids. I've learned to not look at the big picture. Mine started when my oldest was 16mos. old and has grown from there. But that's another story... It's hard to divide my time with two of my kids still wanting my help with homework. So I make sure I spend one on one time with them all. I make them feel special with just a private 10 minute talk. But lately I've found my second son has needed more time with me. So, I try to take all of what frustrates me and turn it around. There has to be some positive school behavior I can be pleased about...We'd talk about which responsibility to work on for the week. One task to accomplish and feel good about. With my son, it's not only turning in the school work, it's how he feels about himself when at school. When he helps other kids that have lots more problems than himself, it makes him feel good and in turn he wants to do better. The teachers are also giving him praise when he does well and e-mailing me when his assignments haven't been turned in. He doesn't want me to know, so if I receive an e-mail, I think he feels disappointed in himself. I don't even have to say a word. But I don't need to receive an e-mail to know how the kids are doing in school. On incredible system our school has implemented was a site to log onto. Once there thru you password, you can look up your childs assignments, what they've turned in for that week, what grade they received and their tests scores. It also is updated with their latest grade by each of their teachers. All the teachers e-mails are on site and when questioned about a grade, they do respond back. Communication has been a great help and a tool to hold my kids accountable. I'm not sure if I've helped you...But here's my take...It sounds like your son may have other issues if taking everything away doesn't affect his motivation. You think what else, what will hit home, wake him up to know it is important to be responsible and it starts with just turning in one assignment at a time. What really hit home for my sons...if they don't receive good grades, they will not get their drivers license. And the insurance companies will not insure kids that receive poor grades. May be driving can be your motivating jump start. One more thought...I found out that 7-9 grade grades do not count for their gpa for college. I feel these years are when I want them to make their mistakes and know when to ask for help. But, they also know they need to learn from them and move on. I hate to say, but if I need to use my one on one time checking on my sons class assignments, then I will. It's all in his hands...the trust, the follow thru, and working up to his potential. Eventhough you get frustrated, and know you are not alone, like you said, these are the times you want them to look back on and remember the good times with us. And I know our kids will thank us then for not giving up when they needed us the most. We need to see the good and remind them what they offer to our family and friends and they are loved no matter what they do. FYI...my son is going to summer school to retake one of his failed core classes. What do you think...a good consequence... Good luck...

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