Please dont be so hard on yourself. Have you read the book "The Secret" basically its about "the Law of Attraction". What you believe you are you become. I am sure you are not a loser. You are not alone at all. I also have ADD and I recently lost my job. I also made silly mistakes that I would only remember after I took my medication. I also did not apply for Unemployment right away because I was either too tired, forgot, or overwhelmed. I have an 11 month old daughter and since having her I also feel like my life has been in choas. I am 31 and I too have many friends who are successful. I always thought "why cant I be more like them" I would envy the little things they take for granted like "opening mail". I also feel like I loose EVERYTHING. ADD experts tell you too put notes up. Well I dont know about you but I walk right past those reminder notes posted and forget they are there.Even if they are stuck to my bathroom mirror.Its taken me 14 years to finish college. I have "1" course left until I am awarded a degree. Why havent I finished the course so I could be done with it? As far as emotionally my self esteem is low because I also feel like "Why dont I get it and do those little things that everyone else does so easily. Like its taken A Lot of strength to became a registered member and write this response. I of course can go on. But sometimes as you probably know it can be difficult to articulate what you want to say into words. However despite all the hard stuff I found a some hope after reading the"The Secret". If you can go to the library and pick up a copy of "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrnes, I promise it will give you a whole new way of looking at your life.

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Shani said: Please dont be so hard on yourself. Have you read the book "The Secret" basically its about "the Law of Attraction". What you believe you are you become. I am sure you are not a loser. You are not alone at all. I also have ADD and I recently lost my job.

My wife would put notes up all over the house when I was inbetween jobs. I could not remember or pay attention to them long enough to receive the message. Then she would come home find the house in a all messed up and ask me if I did what she asked. Then she would point out that she left a note and where she wrote it at, asking how in the hell I could miss that. You know, make us feel even more stupid than what we already feel.

I can help but to feel like that my AD/HD is a character flaw. I cannot avoid thinking that I am fundamentally screwed up. I would do anything just to be normal.

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Hi Shane:

Shani is right - you are being way too hard on yourself. ADHD is not your fault and having it doesn't make you stupid - it just means that your brain doesn't work exactly like everyone else's. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does translate into a lot of challenges, especially if you're living with ADHD and you don't even know it. But now that you've been diagnosed, you've taken the first big step toward feeling better.

I would suggest starting out by reading Dr. Ned Hallowell's great book about adult ADD, Driven to Distraction: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd-web/article/1028.html

This will help you better understand what you're up against.

I would also suggest giving the ADHD medication a little while to kick in. And, if it's not working, continue meeting with your doctor until you find the right dosage of the right medication to make you feel better - don't settle for anything less. Third, it's way too easy to compare yourself to everyone else... but what if you just started paying attention to your own progress? "This week I sent out five resumes, whereas last week I only finished 3...", etc. sort of charting your own incremental progress and taking pride in those important steps forward.

Finally, there are some great resources on the ADDitude web site that might give you some new ideas about organization, time management, career help and marriage help. Here are a few to get you started...

33 Best Organization TIps for ADHD Adults at Work and Home: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/729.html

Stop Procrastinating! How to Get Motivated with Adult ADD: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/742.html

Helping ADHD Adults Find Their Dream Work: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2496.html

All About ADHD Marriage: http://www.additudemag.com/topic/adult-add-adhd/friends-relationships.html

I hope this helps!

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Oh Shane, your post moved me to tears because I know exactly what you are talking about and I often feel the same despair. I think it is common to feel annoyed and angry at the ADD for "ruining" our lives, we just have to find a way of coping and of playing the cards we have been dealt, but yeah, life sucks sometimes. Does your wife understand the difficulties you struggle with? I feel things would be a lot easier if others could really understand the problems add sufferers have to face, not least being thought of as lazy and irresponsible. And if others think it, its easy to believe it. I don't know what the answer is, but you're not alone, so please try not to despair - i know, i know - that's easy to say...... Siobhan

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That is frustrating as all hell. Because I did not title the subject line, it did not post.

Anni

Thank you very much for those links, I looked at them really quick and that does seem like something that will work for me. I need to start somewhere, and that looks like an excellent place to begin.

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Siobhan said: Oh Shane, your post moved me to tears because I know exactly what you are talking about and I often feel the same despair. I think it is common to feel annoyed and angry at the ADD for "ruining" our lives, we just have to find a way of coping and of playing the cards we have been dealt, but yeah, life sucks sometimes.

Yeah, it does suck sometimes. Its absolutely, positively, DEVESTATING at times. Its unfair that the dealer, the cards that were dealt to you and me, they stacked against us. The casino and the dealer are cheating, we can't possibly be expected to win. However I think I have finally got an ace up my sleeve, and I think I can start winning now. I dunno, we'll see.

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I am also ADD/ADHD and I was not diagnosed until my life was on the verge of falling apart. I have left jobs and depended on my husband and my friends to help figure out the messes I somehow got myself in. I found that I am very good with children in the ER dept and try to convince the charge nurse to put in there all the time. It is a small dept so I can keep focused. It takes everything I could muster sometimes to pick my head off the pillow before I found that I have the gift to relate to the children. .It is really very dishearting when we have things supposely right in front of us and we don't see them; but it truly isn't our fault we don't see it. It just a peice of paper . I have heard from my husband who thinks he knows everything that I act like a 18 year old, and I have no cares or worries. I really wish tht was true but it just because I am ADD/ADHD I really can act the part of not caring while it really I don't remember what was said or I supposely promised. The personal distress makes it so hard sometimes to get through a day..

I was told my psychaitrist I was a very severe ADD case. I remeber she threw something on the floor to see if I would notice. I did ; but just kept on talking when she mentioned it to me. I acknowledge that the paper was on the floor ; but choose to ignore it because I didn't want to upset her. That is some of the problem for me is I just say what on my mind; and had been trying not to just blurt out what I was thinking to the dismay of the entire group. I have used my implusiveness to just take off to Mexico while at home the whole world was falling apart. Many times I wished I was "normal" but it not to be. Somehow it seems you have a supportive wife, who would beneit to get in this group so she can learn to understand your struggles; and to really learn to learn an appreciate the uniqueness of you. You need to learn about this and a good place would be "Driven to Distraction" so you can learn to love yourself. Really to see what your strengths are; and when you return to work make sure your boss knows you are ADD/ADHD so if something isn't your strength the team is in motion and you can and will do what you are strong at. Don't be so hard on yourself, don't be immobile (Judi N)

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ADD RN said:Somehow it seems you have a supportive wife, who would beneit to get in this group so she can learn to understand your struggles; and to really learn to learn an appreciate the uniqueness of you.

Hey judi (I hope I remembered your name correctly. If not please forgive me) My wife was the one that insisted that I get diagnosed and do something about my AD/HD. She said we wiil never get ahead in life, we will always be in a constant state of chaos until I get professional help. We both knew that i had it for a long time. I just did not want to admit that it was a problem for me. I just kept telling myself if I work harder, try harder, that everything would be OK. Everything was not OK. in fact I only created more work for my peers and superiors, because I made more mistakes than anybody else.

My wife is my pillar, she is my best friend, and she is everything that I wish I could be.

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I am glad to hear your wife is your pillar and is very supportive to you because the ADD/ADHD can make a marriage very difficult. My advice for your wife comes from years of marriage to a great guy. He however after years and years of this at one point thought another problem to fix and screwup I just can't do it anymore. This site is really great place for everyone that is involved with ADHD because it can after years become difficult in realtionships in general not just work, school, it can affect home if everyone is not on the same page. This site helped my husband understand that most of my mess up were not on purpose; and helped me in accepting things that I couldn't control for myself handing off the regins to him .Believe me since your wife is your pillar and strength lets keep her there; and she will find as well as you a very supportive community. (Judi)

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I too was in sad shape. I kept losing jobs due to "laziness", and having an "attitude problem". I was constantly told by everyone including my own sister "you never listen", "you're and idiot", "you're not living up to your potential". I have been called many cruel things by many bosses including "Hypochondriac". I was always sick because I would have low self esteem and hold all of my feelings inside.I never wanted to leave my house or go anywhere.

Finally my best friend who was manic depressive told me she recognize the signs of depression and told me to go to a therapist. I found out I had ADD and major depression. The doctor had me try different meds and the ones that worked great for me where prozac and strattera. I dont' care what anyone says, PROZAC is great stuff. I finally felt calmer and didn't have so many thoughts going through my head anymore. I did much better at my job. When I got pregnant they wouldn't let me take my meds. I couldn't get my job back after maternity leave because of my bad record. When people asked about it I just told them it was because of my attendance but didn't tell them the whole story due to shame. We got evicted from our house and my boyfriend left me with a newborn. I had to go to live with my sister. Let's just say my sister and I don't get along cuz she thinks I am a loaf and a freeloader not to mention lazy and an idiot. I told her that I try to do things right but always seem to mess up.

Then I found out about the Power of Positive thinking and Law of Attraction. Now I got back together with my boyfriend and we are raising our son together in our own apt. We are struggling but things have gotten better now I am away from my sister who is very verbally abusive and brings be into that bad "place".

My advice to you is to keep up with the meds until you find the right ones. They have come up with more since I have been diagnosed so there is hope. Read as much as you can and get info on Law of attraction and ADD. HERe are some links that helped me:

Bradley thompson http://www.advancedcosmicordering.com/cosmicordering/?pu=false&srec=true

click way at the bottom for free lessons here to your email http://thesgrprogram.com/special.php

Dr. robert anthony http://richmindlifestrategy.com/about/

http://www.sedona.com/html/hales-bio.aspx?gclid=CJm_4N7h_5ICFUIlFQodE2MTFg

this one is a little strange technique but I tried it and it works http://www.emofree.com/

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Sweetheart, everyone has something that makes them different. I have adhd and a head injury so I know how you feel. You aren't a failure and you aren't a screw up. the fact that you are looking for help shows that you aren't. Screwups give up and you haven't done that yet.

Jenn

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Or it won't post your reply. And you will have to type something twice.

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indykitty said: the fact that you are looking for help shows that you aren't. Screwups give up and you haven't done that yet.

Jenn

I've never thought about it like that before. Its just extremely dificult not to thjink that I have a character flaw, that I am stupid. AD/HD is such a devestating affliction.

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Hi Shanel, Please don't be so severe with yourself. Things will improve gradually. A step at a time. I used to post notes at job but I never looked at them. Then I started to pay attention to my planner as a part of a routine to survive at job. I wrote down in a really tiny letter each and every thing I need to track I posted the reminders for calls on the telephone. I tried to finish every task in the moment or put a document under another while on the go. That because if I put something on the tray I forgot it for sure. You need to know that almost one paper must disapear. So plan ahead what to do (how to get a copy, where to inform the loss,etc). Take your medication to control and check with your doctor any adjustment. There is one thing I want you to know. You are unique!. You are perfect, don't put a label to yourself. Don't look at yourself with shame. Train your loves one to treat you with respect and respect them back. Ignore anyone that don't seem to be possitive in your live. I mean rather than have a lot of people hurting your feelings keep the relationships that inspire you for the best. Get a job where you enjoy what you do. Have enought power to manage your job area and be happy.

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aseni said: You are unique!. You are perfect, don't put a label to yourself. Don't look at yourself with shame.

I am definitely unique in the aspect that nobody else can go through as many jobs as I do in just one year. I've gone through so many jobs that I've become very adept now at interviewing for a job. I am so good at interviewing, I can teach a class on it.

Seriously, my selfesteem is so low right now, I am trying so hard not to think so negatively about myself.

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I understand where you are coming from. I have severe ADHD and I was doing the same things that you are doing now. It took the right psychiatrist, the right meds, the right support and the right therapy. It sure sounds like you've got a great support person as your wife. She may be able to learn to be a ADHD coach to help you succeed with your endevours. I finally hit the right meds and dose and it changed my whole life. My husband is my support coach. I don't squirm as much in chairs as I used to but that took time. I also was able to go back to school and get my nursing degree. Give it time and you can change your life and your thinking.

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I'm 34 and I have never had a real job. I have a degree that took me 14 years to complete. It's been 5 years since I graduated; my degree is worthless--just paper and a frame hanging on a wall.

Back in 1996 I started meds for depression; for over 10 years I tried various doctors, meds and therapy, but nothing helped me 'get it together'. Last summer I tried another doctor, asked him about ADD, and was given Adderall. Before, I use to mentally berate myself for not being productive. Since the Adderall, I am not constantly on the computer or playing video games; the house is neater and more organized. Clutter is being eliminated; don’t know why but the meds help me let go of stuff. The garage is nearly in order and yard work is being done; bills are paid, horizontal surfaces lack stacks of papers and junk.

Even I can see there has been some improvement, but it’s just not enough. I’ve wasted so many years and with the meds I see the possibility of potential—a glimpse into ‘normalcy.’ But I also see just how difficult and frustrating the journey ahead; the habits of a lifetime won’t just disappear. The worst though is realizing I have no sense of who I am or what I want from life. I don’t know what would make me content and can’t even conceive of ‘Happiness.’

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shanel said: “I feel like that there is nobody else that knows it is like to live in my head of inattentive and disjointed thoughts that I call my mind. Medication helps my symptoms, but it does not cure them.” “My life is a train wreck. I am fundamentally flawed in the most profound way.” “The side effects of my medication eliminate my appetite.”

Tonight I was complaining to my husband about the futility of submitting a job application because the only responses I get are rejection letters (if that; often it’s just nothing). He gave a platitude about how few applications will get a response. It made me angry because he didn’t understand at all. It wasn’t just the job applications; it was everything, it was ME. I am defective! It’s the frustration of exerting so much effort, in so many things, and getting so little in return. If the exertion were obvious to others they wouldn’t stigmatize us as lazy, but the exertion is in our heads so it doesn’t really count for them.

Over time the appetite suppression should diminish. I lost about 30 lbs. in the first few months. At the time I couldn’t stand anything sweet, greasy, or over processed. It’s probably the healthiest I’ve eaten in my life—lots of fresh fruit, natural peanut butter with honey on whole grain bread, organic hummus, lentil soup…no pizza, no candy, no junk!

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