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indykitty said: the fact that you are looking for help shows that you aren't. Screwups give up and you haven't done that yet.

Jenn

I've never thought about it like that before. Its just extremely dificult not to thjink that I have a character flaw, that I am stupid. AD/HD is such a devestating affliction.

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Hi Shanel, Please don't be so severe with yourself. Things will improve gradually. A step at a time. I used to post notes at job but I never looked at them. Then I started to pay attention to my planner as a part of a routine to survive at job. I wrote down in a really tiny letter each and every thing I need to track I posted the reminders for calls on the telephone. I tried to finish every task in the moment or put a document under another while on the go. That because if I put something on the tray I forgot it for sure. You need to know that almost one paper must disapear. So plan ahead what to do (how to get a copy, where to inform the loss,etc). Take your medication to control and check with your doctor any adjustment. There is one thing I want you to know. You are unique!. You are perfect, don't put a label to yourself. Don't look at yourself with shame. Train your loves one to treat you with respect and respect them back. Ignore anyone that don't seem to be possitive in your live. I mean rather than have a lot of people hurting your feelings keep the relationships that inspire you for the best. Get a job where you enjoy what you do. Have enought power to manage your job area and be happy.

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aseni said: You are unique!. You are perfect, don't put a label to yourself. Don't look at yourself with shame.

I am definitely unique in the aspect that nobody else can go through as many jobs as I do in just one year. I've gone through so many jobs that I've become very adept now at interviewing for a job. I am so good at interviewing, I can teach a class on it.

Seriously, my selfesteem is so low right now, I am trying so hard not to think so negatively about myself.

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I understand where you are coming from. I have severe ADHD and I was doing the same things that you are doing now. It took the right psychiatrist, the right meds, the right support and the right therapy. It sure sounds like you've got a great support person as your wife. She may be able to learn to be a ADHD coach to help you succeed with your endevours. I finally hit the right meds and dose and it changed my whole life. My husband is my support coach. I don't squirm as much in chairs as I used to but that took time. I also was able to go back to school and get my nursing degree. Give it time and you can change your life and your thinking.

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I'm 34 and I have never had a real job. I have a degree that took me 14 years to complete. It's been 5 years since I graduated; my degree is worthless--just paper and a frame hanging on a wall.

Back in 1996 I started meds for depression; for over 10 years I tried various doctors, meds and therapy, but nothing helped me 'get it together'. Last summer I tried another doctor, asked him about ADD, and was given Adderall. Before, I use to mentally berate myself for not being productive. Since the Adderall, I am not constantly on the computer or playing video games; the house is neater and more organized. Clutter is being eliminated; don’t know why but the meds help me let go of stuff. The garage is nearly in order and yard work is being done; bills are paid, horizontal surfaces lack stacks of papers and junk.

Even I can see there has been some improvement, but it’s just not enough. I’ve wasted so many years and with the meds I see the possibility of potential—a glimpse into ‘normalcy.’ But I also see just how difficult and frustrating the journey ahead; the habits of a lifetime won’t just disappear. The worst though is realizing I have no sense of who I am or what I want from life. I don’t know what would make me content and can’t even conceive of ‘Happiness.’

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shanel said: “I feel like that there is nobody else that knows it is like to live in my head of inattentive and disjointed thoughts that I call my mind. Medication helps my symptoms, but it does not cure them.” “My life is a train wreck. I am fundamentally flawed in the most profound way.” “The side effects of my medication eliminate my appetite.”

Tonight I was complaining to my husband about the futility of submitting a job application because the only responses I get are rejection letters (if that; often it’s just nothing). He gave a platitude about how few applications will get a response. It made me angry because he didn’t understand at all. It wasn’t just the job applications; it was everything, it was ME. I am defective! It’s the frustration of exerting so much effort, in so many things, and getting so little in return. If the exertion were obvious to others they wouldn’t stigmatize us as lazy, but the exertion is in our heads so it doesn’t really count for them.

Over time the appetite suppression should diminish. I lost about 30 lbs. in the first few months. At the time I couldn’t stand anything sweet, greasy, or over processed. It’s probably the healthiest I’ve eaten in my life—lots of fresh fruit, natural peanut butter with honey on whole grain bread, organic hummus, lentil soup…no pizza, no candy, no junk!

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