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24 Apr 2008 @ 1:53 AM
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| got_a_pen? |
Join Date:
Tue 22nd Jan 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 0 |
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ADHD Superstars?
Hello and thank you for your interest in my post -- it's my first, and I didn't find anything similar but if there is another thread that I should read, please pass along the link. A little about me: ADD mum with ADHD 6-year-old son. I'm inattentive type ADD and when he's 'hyper', he's silly (think Jerry Lewis ... "WLEEHHHHHH!"), and he runs. a lot. I titled this thread "superstars" in part, ironically. I've certainly noticed in my own experience that the things that can be attributed to my ADD have given me both fame and infamy -- in particular in my academic and professional career. Now I see more and more that the spotlight seems to be on my son precisely at the moment when he's acting on impulse, which, when he becomes aware of it begins the snowball effect. This year has been difficult for me because up until now I've been able to control my son's environment moreso than I can now (healthily, anyway). For e.g., he eats food at friends houses and sometimes, as "treats" at school, that I've never allowed (the usual suspects: artifical colours, white refined sugars, most all processed foods). I could go on about how other grown ups don't seem to 'get' that by 'treating' my kid to a sugar slushie and katchup-flaved chips has very diminishing returns -- but that's a side bar I'll leave for now. At present I'm grappling with 'what to do' in a couple of specific cases that, I fear, are only the start of a lifetime of being treated unfairly by adults (my son). I'll give one example because the other is almost identical (diff people and location): today I stopped by the school at lunch to pick up my son (we had an afternoon appointment). When I arrived he was sitting at his desk waiting for me, while a handful of other children were out of control (out of their seats, running ... think a classroom of small Jerry Lewsises ...). The Lunch supervisor was dealing with the situation and i was just so pleased and proud of my boy for resisting the temptation and allure of the lunchtime antics! There's another boy in the class who I suspect has ADHD (his primary caregiving parent and I have shared a nod or two as we've sat through birthday parties (while other parents drop their kids off) -- there are other indicators, but they aren't importat to the main point of the story). This boy's primary caregiver-parent was with him today during lunch and they were head-to-head about something. The boy sits right behid my son and when my son got up from his chair to get his jacket and pack, this parent grabbed (fairly aggressively) my son's wrist and pulled him backwards with a terse; "sit. down." I was in a state of shock. The parent only saw me the split second AFTER the incident, and as I gave him a "what the H#LL?!" look, he averted his eyes. My main concern then was my kid, who was scared and hurt (a little physically, but significantly emotionally). My gut told me that the best thing IN THAT MOMENT was to get my son out of the room and a) deal with the parent when he was less tense; b) our kids weren't around; and c) after I'd had a chance to process my own feelings (I'm no good to anybody when I ad lib -- especailly if I'm angry). The problem that I bring to the Fora is threefold: 1. how have you/would you handle the parent tomorrow? 2. how do you 'street-proof' your kid(s) to help them navigate in a social system that is so rigourously (at times at least) biased against them (without making them lose faith, or turning them into disempowered 'victims'? 3. who do YOU turn to, to talk about these things? I've come here because I don't think that I can trust any other adult to give me the info, th perspective, and the support I need (maybe our pyschiatrist, but I hate the feeling of dialing him up every time something like this happens). I wish my friends understood (I have many wonderful friends) -- but they don't. In fact, there are a few of them who give my kid the judgemental BS from time to time (e.g. recently when one of my friends and I were talking outside her car, my son put some gum that he'd been chewing on the window of her car. There was no malice -- it was one of those impulsive ... "hmmm, what would it look like if I --- oooops!" The gum was stuck but good and she totally made it about "why woud you DO something like that to MY car??" and the disapproving looks/sighs. And then she goes on with me about how she thinks that my son doesn't like her ....) There's more of this kind of thing from our family too and when I write it or hear myself say it I feel like I'm being overly dramatic/protective or, conversely, that I'm not advocating for my son and that my inaction is perceieved by him as my endorsement of injustice, lending itself to the common feeling among many ADD/ADHD adults that we don't 'fit in'/'get it'/etc... but in my heart of hearts, I KNOW I'm seeing things more clearly than most. Like you, I want my son to shine because he feels good about himself and his contributions to life. And for those of you who have ADD/ADHD (and even those who don't) I'm sure you can also identify with the my desire to have my child benefit from my painful and disappointing expereinces so that he doesn't have to experience it firsthand. Thanks for following the loooong email. I promise not to make a habit of providing so much print. |
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24 Apr 2008 @ 1:23 PM
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| Anni |
Join Date:
Thu 25th Oct 2007
Threads: 1 Posts: 39 |
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The Truth About ADHD
Hi there: Thanks for your real & raw post - it sounds like your son has an amazing advocate and coach in his corner. He is very lucky. I don't have a similar experience to draw on, but I did find a few articles that might prove useful next time your encounter an insensitive or simply uneducated-about-ADHD person: Silencing Skeptics: The Truth About ADHD: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1017.html 7 Myths About ADHD... Debunked!: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/873.html Teaching Resilience to ADHD Children: Advice for Parents: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2525.html Hope that helps! - Anni |
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24 Apr 2008 @ 4:40 PM
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2
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| nov21st |
Join Date:
Thu 24th Apr 2008
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I would definately tell this other parent and the teacher or aid
that I do not want another parent touching my child in that manner. It is one thing if your child is out of control and the teacher or aid has to do something to difuse the situation but it is in no way appropriate for a parent in the room to monitor his/her own child to grab your child. I am not so sure I would be very calm when I told them either! |
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26 Apr 2008 @ 10:32 PM
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3
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| ADD RN |
Join Date:
Wed 21st Nov 2007
Threads: 3 Posts: 60 |
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Superstars
I wish I could tell you that this would never happen again; but unlikely the impulsiveness that your son demonstrates will get the better of him. With that said' I would not tolerate any parent belitting or letting them put a hand on me or my child. I unfortunately had a nun who slapped me because i finished my test before everyone else; and looked around to see if anyone else was done. I heard the class go silent because in reaction to it I swung right back and hit her in the face. Once my anger was provoked I would hurt you physically it took me years to keep my anger in control How do we have our ego's sscure is a tuffy. I think since you aren't good at the moment it was best that you didn't react right away; but I would make sure the person and I had the talk. I would also tell my son that he should not tolerate anyone putting their hands on him. If he needs to it would be okay say very loud "do not put your hands on Me" so everyone can hear him. I use to use this technique with my neices and nephews when taking them out in groups if any second they lose sight on me they should yell "I can't find my aunt" It worked like a charm because everyone around them would stop and literally not move . If anyone get annoyed oh well. I am sure if he does this he would have control of the situation. Most ADHD impulse behavior is not a malious act and they know without anyone making them feel bad that they react to things diferently. Give him praise for his good behaviour. Make the bad things not such a big deal so there isn't a big payoff. Reward him when he is being especially good; and point out the why you are rewarding him. If you are disappointed never show him that ; because we read people very well. Go into a room and lock the door if you need to vent , write in a journal, cry. Life isn't easy for ADD/ ADHD but most of us learn to make it work. Most of us accept that we are different than everyone else ; and honestly I prefer it that way because life jsut seems more interesting to me with a little more flair that the rut many people without ADD/ADHD life seems. Let him explore tht outdoors, plauy sports, music etc. andd his ego will sore at well. As far as friends they many times think they know everything; but I know from experience because I have a extremely IQ most do not believe I am ADD. Most adults don't know what it is to be ADD or understand a child is ADD. ; and see as a convient diagnosis for more money due to the disabilities at least that is what I had heard just the other day . Most ADD people I know don't see themselves as disababled and I am lucky because I never heard that I was disabled (JudiN) |
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27 Apr 2008 @ 10:45 AM
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4
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| bluejeancloud |
Join Date:
Sun 27th Apr 2008
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Superstars indeed!
First- Hats off to you for keeping your cool! Our children need to see us handling situations effectively. I have the tendency to get very emotional myself lol. Had that been my kid I probably would have went off. Nobody has the right to put their hands on your child- ever! Now as to your title of your post--- Thank You! My son has ADHD with possible tourrettes syndrome. I too have had to be an advocate for him in many situations. Many people have this mentality that he must be "damaged goods". So untrue. My son is indeed a superstar. This is a child who learned at age 3 to ride a bike for the first time in 10 minutes- with NO training wheels ever! At 4 he could read within a month of my teaching. At 4-1/2 he rode a dirt-bike for the first time and by the end of that night was doing jumps and stunts on them. He has an incredible knack for building things from imagination- at 5 He built an amazing medieval type shield from some old wood. At 6 he was able to read chapter books. At 7 he picked up a skateboard for the first time and built ramps for it. At 8 he began fixing small appliances around my house. And Now at 9 he has been taking the carbureator off his dirt bikes and cleaning them and putting them back together. Also he has been learning Intermediate Algebra at a college level from one of my college classes online. The child is so talented and gifted. His teachers asked him to test for giffted programs- unfortunately they are timed tests that he cant sit still for. The point is that often children with ADHD are often overlooked or treated unfairly. Many possess incredible talents or display wonderfull personalities. So we have to be their advocates -so never ever feel like you shouldnt confront someone when it comes to your child. As a side note- My son asked me one day after a series of problems at school- Mom if you could have me with none of my problems wouldn't you want that? I was able to look him straight in his eyes and say honestly- Never. |
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