|
ADHD Superstars?
Hello and thank you for your interest in my post -- it's my first, and I didn't find anything similar but if there is another thread that I should read, please pass along the link.
A little about me: ADD mum with ADHD 6-year-old son. I'm inattentive type ADD and when he's 'hyper', he's silly (think Jerry Lewis ... "WLEEHHHHHH!"), and he runs. a lot.
I titled this thread "superstars" in part, ironically. I've certainly noticed in my own experience that the things that can be attributed to my ADD have given me both fame and infamy -- in particular in my academic and professional career. Now I see more and more that the spotlight seems to be on my son precisely at the moment when he's acting on impulse, which, when he becomes aware of it begins the snowball effect.
This year has been difficult for me because up until now I've been able to control my son's environment moreso than I can now (healthily, anyway). For e.g., he eats food at friends houses and sometimes, as "treats" at school, that I've never allowed (the usual suspects: artifical colours, white refined sugars, most all processed foods). I could go on about how other grown ups don't seem to 'get' that by 'treating' my kid to a sugar slushie and katchup-flaved chips has very diminishing returns -- but that's a side bar I'll leave for now.
At present I'm grappling with 'what to do' in a couple of specific cases that, I fear, are only the start of a lifetime of being treated unfairly by adults (my son). I'll give one example because the other is almost identical (diff people and location): today I stopped by the school at lunch to pick up my son (we had an afternoon appointment). When I arrived he was sitting at his desk waiting for me, while a handful of other children were out of control (out of their seats, running ... think a classroom of small Jerry Lewsises ...). The Lunch supervisor was dealing with the situation and i was just so pleased and proud of my boy for resisting the temptation and allure of the lunchtime antics!
There's another boy in the class who I suspect has ADHD (his primary caregiving parent and I have shared a nod or two as we've sat through birthday parties (while other parents drop their kids off) -- there are other indicators, but they aren't importat to the main point of the story). This boy's primary caregiver-parent was with him today during lunch and they were head-to-head about something. The boy sits right behid my son and when my son got up from his chair to get his jacket and pack, this parent grabbed (fairly aggressively) my son's wrist and pulled him backwards with a terse; "sit. down."
I was in a state of shock. The parent only saw me the split second AFTER the incident, and as I gave him a "what the H#LL?!" look, he averted his eyes. My main concern then was my kid, who was scared and hurt (a little physically, but significantly emotionally). My gut told me that the best thing IN THAT MOMENT was to get my son out of the room and a) deal with the parent when he was less tense; b) our kids weren't around; and c) after I'd had a chance to process my own feelings (I'm no good to anybody when I ad lib -- especailly if I'm angry).
The problem that I bring to the Fora is threefold:
1. how have you/would you handle the parent tomorrow?
2. how do you 'street-proof' your kid(s) to help them navigate in a social system that is so rigourously (at times at least) biased against them (without making them lose faith, or turning them into disempowered 'victims'?
3. who do YOU turn to, to talk about these things? I've come here because I don't think that I can trust any other adult to give me the info, th perspective, and the support I need (maybe our pyschiatrist, but I hate the feeling of dialing him up every time something like this happens). I wish my friends understood (I have many wonderful friends) -- but they don't. In fact, there are a few of them who give my kid the judgemental BS from time to time (e.g. recently when one of my friends and I were talking outside her car, my son put some gum that he'd been chewing on the window of her car. There was no malice -- it was one of those impulsive ... "hmmm, what would it look like if I --- oooops!" The gum was stuck but good and she totally made it about "why woud you DO something like that to MY car??" and the disapproving looks/sighs. And then she goes on with me about how she thinks that my son doesn't like her ....) There's more of this kind of thing from our family too and when I write it or hear myself say it I feel like I'm being overly dramatic/protective or, conversely, that I'm not advocating for my son and that my inaction is perceieved by him as my endorsement of injustice, lending itself to the common feeling among many ADD/ADHD adults that we don't 'fit in'/'get it'/etc...
but in my heart of hearts, I KNOW I'm seeing things more clearly than most.
Like you, I want my son to shine because he feels good about himself and his contributions to life. And for those of you who have ADD/ADHD (and even those who don't) I'm sure you can also identify with the my desire to have my child benefit from my painful and disappointing expereinces so that he doesn't have to experience it firsthand.
Thanks for following the loooong email. I promise not to make a habit of providing so much print.
Quote
|
24 Apr 2008 @ 1:53 AM
24 Apr 2008 @ 1:23 PM