djwb,

whatever you do don't give up; don't quit, your family is worth it but most of all you are worth it. You need to find a good doctor in your area and see him/her asap. It is common to have ADD and something else like depression. Your doctor needs to treat your depression first, then your ADD. Make sure you ask around for a good general doctor and then make the appointment and go in as soon as possible. Are you having any sleep problems? Problems with sleep can also cause depression and unfortunately many with ADD also have sleep problems. My son is in 9th grade and has ADD, he also has other learning disabilities but is very bright. Just this past month he told me he had been having sleep problems and falling asleep in class (probably been going on for a while), he told me he wanted to just give up, so we trying to solve his sleep problems first. It also sounds like you may be trying to take on too much and now may be a good time to back off some and say "no" to new "to do's." Email me directly if you want. So are you having sleep problems?

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I wish that you wouldn't give up. I did that one time and when I woke up in the hospital and found how much I really was loved and by who it made me stop and think. I realized I wasn't hurting myself, but the people around me. I saw that look of such deep pain in their eyes and then realized that I can't hurt them that way anymore. I also ended up with brain damage that results in a lot of memory loss.(short term)

So if you think it is bad with the memory loss of my ADHD think of that as doubled. My husband and son can bring up a conversation that we supposedly discussed and I won't even have a clue as to what they are talking about. So you can cause more harm to yourself than you think.

Please don't put yourself through all this pain and remorse. Get to an emergency room. Call a hotline. Take action before you decide to end it. Call a friend or a family member if you don't feel like driving yourself. Even these group members care about you more than you realize right now. I know that I do care.

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Dear djwb:

We are very concerned for you and your safety here at ADDitude. We want to ensure that you get the help you need right away, and make sure you understand that your ADD symptoms are not your fault -- you have a disorder and you need help; you are not a bad person. ADD is not curable, but all of the problems you describe CAN be treated with help from the right professionals and resources.

We encourage you to take a look in the ADDitude Directory for a therapist in your area or one who will work with you remotely via phone if in-person visits are possible: http://www.additudemag.com/resources/directory/professionals.html?filter.state=&filter.pro_type=cat%3ATherapist&filter.specialty=

You should also know that depression is very common among adults with ADD - in fact, 17 million Americans suffer from depression, which is very treatable with the right therapy and/or medication...

Why So Sad? http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/748.html

Recognizing Depression: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1628.html

How to Stop Defeatist Thinking: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2007.html

Please feel free to contact me directly if you would like more hands-on help, and I will do everything I can to connect you to the resources you need. We want you to feel happy and healthy again!

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I know exactly how you feel about ADD and the depression of what you feel. I don't want to assume that I know what you feel ; but I think I may. You feel you don't belong and no matter how smart you are you can't organize yourself. You see the "normal people " intereacting , laughing and just having a good time and say "why can't I do these things" The answer is you can ; and you will. I found when I was finally diagnosed with ADD I was also depressed because even with this high IQ of mine I could not organize myself to save my life. Thankfully I found this site and began to see I am not the only one who has struggles; but this is the norm for many of us. I had my depression treated and was put on Wellbutrin which help me in a few weeks. I would advise you to find psychiatric care and start treatment right away. Stay on this site and make sure you connect with everyone somehow someone will make a statement that hits home for you. Stop being so hard on your self and believe me those who do not have ADD are not perfect. The perfect concept doesn't realize exist and frankly who wants to be. It just to hard to maintain. Exercise everyday with just a simple walk and listen to the birds, the trrees and enjoy the simpliest of the walk. Organization takes time and It will slowly come; just a few weeks ago I couldnot organize my office and really clean . Thankfully people here heard my distress and offered me great advice that I used.This site is great for the help and the insight to your own ADD. Remener we are here for you we may be faceless ; but we do care. PLease do not consider sucidside is not an option for anyone it only a truly selfish person who take this way out.

Now tell me something about yourself. I am listening (ADD RN) Judi shadowtitan2002@yahoo.com

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I do have depression, I've had it forever. I haven't found the right meds for it, and I am just so sad. Today I stayed home from work because I felt (and feel) so weak. It is difficult to even raise my arms. Plus, I have Crohn's disease (a milder case, thank goodness), which causes painful constipation. I hate not being here for my kids. It's not their fault. I don't have any patience for them, and I don't feel like taking them anywhere or going for walks or playing with them. My husband is busting his butt trying to get us a house, he's stressed out, and I can't help him because of my illnesses. I don't really know how to find a doctor here who is a specialist in ADD. My current psychiatrist seems really educated in it, but I think he's out of my network, and it costs more to see him. Thanks so much for your reply. I am feeling better today, and it helps that there are people to listen. I'd like to say that I'll write more later when I have more time, but I'm very good at not following through. I'll just say that I'll try! Thanks again!

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I found my doctor in the back pages of the book Driven to Distraction. I looked at the names saw if they live in the state and made calls. My psychiatrist didn't take my insurance ; but I went to her anyway and she is a child psychiatrist but she really understood me. What I did was pay her and then I would send her bill to my insurance company they would pay me. Maybe you could do something similiar>It would be to your advantage to have a specialist In ADD so they treat this along with the depression. Treating the depression without the ADD you will not feel quite right. It is tough to get what we need especially in asociety that expects the women to be everything to everyone.; However unless you take of yourself every loses especially you

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I suffer from severe depression along with my adult ADHD and LD. No one can understand how painful this is unless you have experienced it. The list goes on and on. Starting with teachers in elementary school telling me I was stupid, to failed marriages, to the feeling of letting my daughter down, to hospitals, to finally.....a suicide attempt. I CAN'T FOLLOW THROUGH..............It drives me crazy. I cannot afford a coach. I had one for a brief period of time about 3 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. It was a trial deal, so I couldn't continue to use her. I did feel progress for about a month. After that, I felt depressed all over again. Feel free to contact me in any way. On this site, in a private message. Sometimes it helps to share stories. There isn't one day that goes by that I don't think about not living. I just know that I cannot leave my daughter alone. I am tired of worrying about money, the bills, food, rent, cars, health insurance. I can't keep up. But, I am still here. I still haven't been able to move forward with a career. I am stuck. Nothing hurts like this. I understand.

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I so feel for you. I know how horrible this feels. I’m going to offer what advice I have – good, bad, or indifferent. It’s what I’ve got.

For awhile, I self-medicated in a way that was healthy for the most part and worked wonderfully! And it was so simple! I took Contac-D, Sudafed 12-hour, or the generic (all the same medicine – just different brands). I’m aware I was using these everyday, and that’s not how it’s supposed to be done. But, really, one friggin legal 12-hour pill a day, and I was able to pull myself together enough to get things done mostly on time. I was still behind, still struggled, still messy – but I was satisfied enough with what I was getting done to be relatively happy. I was able to succeed. I even told my psychiatrist that I was doing this, and he said, fine! If it works with one pill a day, it’s not such a bad setup. I skipped Sundays, I think, to keep up the effect over time. This is risky for the heart, so you may want to talk to a doc about that and check your blood pressure every so often. But if you’re at the point of wanting to end your life, I’m not sure how much this risk really matters. Oh! And it’s instant improvement. No weeks of waiting for it to work – or not work. I know this may sound bad, but I think that if I’m taking more than the recommended dose, that might be something to shake a finger at. This is exactly what’s on the box, and I only figured out this solution because I was medicating severe allergies. Didn’t know it was going to improve my functioning the way it did. This may at least give you energy.

Just keep in mind that if you’re suicidal, getting more energy may actually give you just the energy you need to follow through with that. Not having the energy to kill yourself is actually a pretty good thing. See there? There’s actually a good thing in your situation. They say there are advantages to having AD/HD, and darn it, we just found one.

If I could say one more thing that may frighten you, I think I may need to. You could just call a hospital or clinic or doc and tell them exactly what you’ve told us here. I know the fear is that they’ll come out to get you and put you somewhere, but you know what? That might be just what you need right now. That was done to me when I was 16, and while it was not some turning point that made my life all better, I think I needed to get away from reality at that time. It felt like a much needed break from life. Let them see your mess. Let the neighbors and your co-workers find out. Screw ‘em. Your family will deal with it just fine. If you’re crumbling, you can not allow pride to stop you from saving yourself. You’ll be able to handle it financially. You may be in debt up to your eyeballs, but life does go on. Actually, life will go on only if you tell someone you might be the very one to end it. Who knows? Maybe being in a hospital for a little while (they only take you there for observation. When they decide you’re fine, and set you up with services on an outpatient basis, you go home – I was there for a week and a half. Kind of nice, actually.) will help get you on your medication for a few days or a couple of weeks. Maybe when you leave, it will be in your system and working, and you’ll then have the energy and memory to keep taking it. I know you love your children. My son is the reason I don’t think I’ll ever be depressed again (I say “I think” because I just can’t guarantee it). The most loving thing you can do for your child is just pick up the phone and call someone and tell them that you want to end it. I’m sure that if you tell them you don’t have the energy to go to them, they’ll send someone out to you. Put the ball in their court. Let them decide what to do. It’s their job. It’s what they do. All you need to do is tell them. If that’s all you can do, then that’s all you can do. Call 911. This is an emergency, sweetie. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my roller coaster life, it’s that if you just hang on another day, someday things will get better. I mean, a lot of times you don’t even have to do anything! If you just exist another day, eventually things have a way of working themselves out. They really, really do. I would not bllsht a person who is where you are right now. I attempted suicide three times during my adolescence. I am not trying to blow sunshine up your rear end. I’m passing on truth. Today you might need to just make one phone call so that you can exist one more day. Then leave the work to the professionals. Just put your body where it needs to be, and they will work out your mind.

Fiiiiiinally, I’m going to ask you to please not hurt yourself. I’m trying to be a teacher, but am having the hardest time of my life trying to complete this program. I’ve failed twice. My marriage is tense at best. My son has just been diagnosed AD/HD. But I have hope. I believe that I can be happy. I heard in church just the other night during a sermon about miracles that I need to believe that success is possible. That’s when I realized that I’ve believed for so long that it’s not possible. That I’ll be a walking tornado, leaving a trail behind me for the rest of my life. And then I’ll be late for my funeral. Why not believe that I could actually, completely overcome this? Why the heck not? ADDers have a tough time with things that have no beginning or end – like laundry that should be done…umm… whenever the basket’s full (my husband’s and son’s basket – my clothes go wherever I take them off). If there’s no end to this – no chance for success or completion of retraining our minds – what is the target? What are we working for? Are we spinning our wheels? It feels like it after failing and failing and failing again. But I’m done with that crap! I’m going to start believing that there is an end. There is a time – albeit decades down the road – when I’ll look at where I am, and say, “Woah. I’ve done it. I have my stuff together!” And that’s what I’m going to shoot for. I may have to switch work fields or living arrangements or even husbands. So be it! I have one life. This is it. And you do, too. This is our one chance to do it. And I’ll be dmned if I’m going to allow the way other people live to make me feel that the way I live is crappy or unacceptable or whatever. I’m sure you’ve been pissed off already, so I’m not going to insult you and suggest that you get angry about it. I’m going to suggest that you pick up a phone and tell a professional exactly how you feel. That’s taking control of your situation. That’s being proactive. I know that I can’t fully prevent future periods of depression. I can be proactive, though, and ask for help when it starts to set in. Nobody would look down on you for having that kind of courage and that kind of love for your family. And if they do – f em! I don’t generally cuss, but this situation just ticks me off! As long as you keep trying to improve – if you try something and it doesn’t work – who cares? You tried something! That’s one step closer to the thing that will work (I’m talking about systems for everything in your life- a system for keeping up with your keys at home, one for keeping up with your keys outside of your home, a system for handling paper piles on the coffee table, one for handling paper piles on your desk, one for doing laundry beyond putting the first load in the washer and finding it there two days later not smelling so good, etc.). I think a lot of our low self-esteem comes from trying to do it the way other people do it and trying to live up to their standards. That. Doesn’t. Work. My husband’s finally getting this. Ever. So. Slowly. We have to find our own, individual, quirky, unusual, strange ways that just “feel right” for us. And if someone else – anyone else – can’t accept that – screw them!!!

If you do hang in there (and I really hope you do), start having fun with this stuff! Go to thrift stores and get a bunch of baskets for each pile that you tend to accumulate. I just got a few the other day for a dollar or two each. Now the things on the kitchen counter that used to be a big mess sliding all over the place all the time are things inside a woven basket that actually looks really cool on our counter. Don’t try to get the whooole system that will solve your entire life. If it even exists, you'll probably have to sell a major body organ to afford it. Just get individual, random things here and there for specific things that drive you and your family nuts. If you always drop your purse on the floor when you come in, cluttering up the floor, then can’t find it when you want to leave because it gets lost in all the other crap on the floor, stick a nail in the wall right next to the door to hang your purse on everytime you come in. I just did this the other day (I found a thing at a thrift store that you put over the door hinge, and it gives three hooks - I just hung the contraption on the hook for our curtains next to our door), and I’m loving it! My husband complained about me spending money again (complains if I spend money on organizing gadgets. I don’t care anymore. He can complain about me spending money on this or he can complain about my mess. If he’s going to complain anyway, I’m at least going to try to make my situation better. Let him complain.), but has not complained once since he’s seen it working. If it didn’t work (as in not using it – that’s not something to feel bad about. It just means that system wasn’t the right fit.), I could just say, “Oh well. I tried,” and go back to the drawing board thinking every now and then about what could work, researching tips online, etc. Just think of the specific areas you and your husband argue about most often, and try to come up with a way to improve just that area. Just that one. And just improve it. When you find something that makes a source of argument better, you will feel so friggin good!!! And your husband will have to be relieved to see the annoying situation become better as well. And if he's not supportive, you'll be feeling to good about yourself to care! I assure you, finding something that really works for something as tiny as finding a place to put your purse everyday so it's not on the floor and you can find it is just that exhilirating. People with Chronically Boring Disorder (what Hallowell calls non-ADD people) can only wish to get that much excitement from a nail in the wall! God gave us the ability to relish little nuggets of joy that other people cannot possbily understand!

If you want, make a list on here about the specific things that are the most disruptive in your life...

A few of mine are: - Keeping my car clean. - Forming piles of clothes, shoes, who-knows-what else on the floor next to my side of the bed (I once put a laundry basket next to my bed so that the clothes would go into a basket instead of on the floor. I ended up with a pile next to an empty laundry basket.) - Procrasti – uuuugghhh… I’ll get to that one later. - Getting anywhere on time – ever!

and we can give suggestions that we’ve used or heard about. And maybe you can try them out. You can even let us know how it went so that if you’re faced with negativity (your own or from someone else), we can be your cheerleaders along the way!

I apologize for the length of this post. But I guess I wrote it in true ADD form. ;) Don’t worry about replying or remembering anything from this post. Don’t prepare for anything or make yourself or anyone else any promises. Just make your phone call, and say, “Help.”

By the way, you’ve just helped someone. I have been heading in a downward spiral over the past year or so as I have seen more and more that my husband just doesn’t understand what it’s like to be me, and that now my son is facing the same thing, and that my husband doesn’t seem to want to try and learn about it. He just expects me "try harder." That’s how I ended up at this forum. But in the process of writing this post, I have gotten angry about it – something that helps me push through times like this and something that I hadn’t been able to access over this past year. Anger empowers me! It gives me the energy, the self-respect, and the focus to move. So, I want to thank you and let you know that you apparently still have a purpose (even beyond your home and family), and that while you may not be able to do the things you’re trying to do right now, you. have. done. something. today.

I pray that God truly blesses you.

"The floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that rock; and it fell not. For it was founded up on a Rock."

- Matthew 7:25 "Not that I have obtained all this or have already been made perfect, but I will press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." - Phi 3:12-14 "Ask God to help you do what he's called you to do." (from a procrastination website) "Don't compare yourself to others. They're more screwed up than you think." (don't remember the source. go figure.)

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I have a saying: "If you're coming to see me, come anytime; if you're coming to see my house, make an appointment!" My youngest daughter was recently diagnosed with ADD and a learning disorder. Now my husband and I are beginning to suspect that I have ADD as well, especially when we look around our house and see all of the piles and the general lack of order. I've always had a problem with "order." When my sister and I shared a room growing up, her half was always neat and mine was always messy. (Now her house is always neat and my house, well, you get the picture.) The more I read about various aspects of ADD, the more I suspect that I have at least a mild version of it. It explains a lot--why I can't get anything done if I don't have something already planned, why nothing stays clean and orderly, why I can't seem to "make a habit" of anything (for example, my friend always does her laundry on Mondays), and even why I can't watch a movie more than once (my oldest daughter has seen "Lord of the Rings" 9 times!).

Anyway, I have been dealing with depression for more than 20 years. I have been to the brink of suicide (one time I was pregnant with my third child). Luckily I told my husband--just telling him seemed to help me hold on. I also got some professional help along the way. These days I just take two antidepressants (one of them is Wellbutrin, which is apparently good for ADD) and a mood stabilizer, and I get along okay. I will be taking antidepressants for the rest of my life, according to my good doctor.

What I'm concerned about is your lack of energy. I know depression can cause that, but so can hypothyroidism. Have you had your thyroid levels checked? It's fairly common for women to have hypothyroidism. When my thyroid levels are off, I have no energy, I get cold easily, and I am easily depressed. But it affects different people in different ways. Please have a doctor check your thyroid levels (all it takes is a simple blood test). Even if they're within the normal range, if they're close to showing hypothryoidism, ask your doctor to at least let you try some thyroid medicine for a month to see if it makes a difference. The ranges set for normal and abnormal thyroid levels are arbitrary and based on an average. What is normal for one person might be too low/high for another. My doctor gave me some Levothyroxine and it has made a huge difference in my energy level and everything else.

Please hang in there. Even when everything looks dark and the future looks bleak, it isn't. There will be light and enthusiasm again, I promise. I have returned from the pit many times and it is always worth the struggle.

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I can't add much more than has already been said except to say that I understand and am thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts your way. My own experience is that you need to be brave enough to make changes in your life and to dare to live the life that will make you happy. Perhaps working with a life coach or mentor might be an idea - someone who is looking at positive goals rather than just seeking professionals who are focussing on the things that are wrong with you.

Keep going and stay strong. Your family are everything - keep your focus on that.

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