Hi Robin:

It sounds like you're facing a terribly rough situation, but obviously you care a great deal about helping your son get better. We've heard from a few other parents like you who see the number of lies begin spiraling out of control around the same age and we've got a few basic articles about bipolar disorder that you might want to read as well...

Problems with Lying: http://www.additudemag.com/q&a/ask_the_parenting_expert/1394.html

Is It ADHD or Bipolar Disorder? Decoding the Symptoms: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2511.html

Diagnosing Related Conditions in ADHD Children and Adults: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/774.html

Family Rules and Communication: http://www.additudemag.com/q&a/ask_the_parenting_expert/1350.html

I hope these help!

Quote

...about Oppositional Defiant Disorder: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/879.html

Quote

Our son is 14 and does just about the same thing. Ours will sneak food out of the fridge and cupboards and eat it in his room - he's not doing it because we starve him, but because he is not supposed to snack that way between meals. He is really pushing every rule we make, and it gets tiring. You really don't know when to trust them. I have ignored our son when he complains of some injury, because he does exaggerate for attention. I always wait a few hours to see what happens. I don't have an answer for you, except we are finally going to see a therapist about these behaviors and his rebellion in general. It's hard to punish for lying because by the time you find out they are telling a lie, the event has already happened. Sometimes I think our son lies about as easily as he breathes! And if you can't trust someone, you don't have much of a relationship.

Quote

Many ADD are impulsive so when it doesn't work well they rather lie than owning up to it. Still after all these years I would rather have a pencil put in my eye then tell my husband that I impulsively did something. It is a hall mark of this diagnosis to be really inattentive to things lose them or being impulsive . I one time went to Mexico instead of telling my husband that a tentant had not paid his rent the way they were suppose to and left me a large financial hole. Sometimes when we are having problems in the school or hate the the subject we tend to ignore it as if it is going away. Being the class clown or tending to bully is not a hallmark of ADD but it is hallmark of a person who isn't feeling very good about themselves. I wouldn't yell ' but talk calmly and find out what is really going on with him. It may be simply a kid who is hving her hard time fitting in and doesn't know how to make it known.Being honest and calm goes a lot better with us ADD people start to yell and we will just let you because it rwally is a way to stimulate our minds so before you fall into the patttern don't do it.

Quote

My daughter (diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome, ADD, OCD) is 16 and a habitual liar of four years now. The problem is so bad that if she tells me the sky outside is blue, I actually have to step outside just to make sure. I've got more gray hairs than I can count because of the constant worrying and following one step behind, and yet nothing seems to make the situation less severe or even register to her that there is a problem. I've simply come to the conclusion that I have to believe everything she says is a lie, double check the facts, and then draw conclusions once I have double (and triple) checked the facts.

One piece of advice I can offer on your situation is regarding your son's assignments. Rather than wait to see what (if any) assignments come home with my daughter, I obtain the e-mail addresses of all of her teachers at the beginning of the year. Each night, I receive an e-mail from her teachers regarding any assignments my daughter has, an outline of the requirements for the assignment, and a due date. If, in the course of conversation, it becomes apparent that my daughter has "lost" an assignment, the teacher immediately e-mails me a new assignment. Furthermore, as part of my daughter's Section 504 IEP, I keep an extra copy of all textbooks at home so that there can never be an excuse of, "I forgot my book."

Hope that helps regarding the school assignments. :)

Quote

I saw the title of this thread and thought WOW, just what I'm looking for. I'm an ADD mom with an ADD son. He is doing a GREAT job in many ways since his diagnosis. He's 10 and in 5th grade. And for the first time, he is SOARING! I have been diagnosed (officially) for about 8 days. I never would have thought that meds would have made such a difference in me! My husband is still learning about ADD/ADHD. My son, at times, has issues with impulsive lying -- about little things like putting his laundry away or if he has brushed his teeth. He and my husband totally clash because my husband sees it as personal and can't see it as the impulsive act that it is. One tool that we have used is for my son to count to 10 before answering -- thus letting the impulsive response be processed through his brain and checked before answering. I think the novelty has worn off or he has adapted to putting off the impulsive response for about the count of 10 and then letting the impulse continue. My husband says that if he has the tool and doesn't use it effectively that it's intentional and should receive punishment rather than redirection or finding another tool and that he will learn from consequence that lying is bad. I know from experience -- personal experience that this is NOT effective and will not help him address his impulses. After a huge discussion and a lot of explination (and education), my husband is a bit more calm and willing to go for the long term solution even if it is more work in the interim. I have the 10 second wait, going to the location of the task to visually see if it is complete before answering, coming to tell the answer to our face (which he lies to your face poorly -- but I don't want it to be a practice session), immediate followup/checking by us............does anyone have any other suggestions? He does this when he is hyperfocused mostly..........so I know the impulse is to stop the distraction because the need for that focus is strong. I need novel and fun ways to address this situation to help keep us both on task............and my creative juices just aren't flowing.

Thanks

Quote

Hi. i just stumbled upon this forum. My stepson (8y.o.) was just diagnosed w/ ADHD. We are aware of the possible genetic role and the bio parents (my hubby & his x) both have some mood/impulse issues. The situation w/ the x is UGLY. Quite frankly she is a self obsessed pathological liar. Latley the younger (6y.o.), who is an excellent student, has been, well, a big fat liar. Making up stories and putting words in other kid's mouths about the other kid's being touched on the privates by a classmate at school (the other boy is my son who told him flat out STOP LYING. ), people beating him up, his leg is broken he can't walk to go to bed, yes, my room is clean, but don't check. From possible felonies to minor annoyances. I feel the same horrible way! If he says it's snowing, I'll look out the window twice before acknowledging he even spoke! He has not been diagnosed or anything, but while looking into the older's symptoms, I found a lot of behaviors the younger is showing. But how to tell if it's biological or learned attention seeking? He's an A student, teacher's pet and typically mellow. He suddenly has become totally rigid (he will not eat THAT. EW. Dosen't like chicken- even if it's not chicken, this is my present? I wanted that. take it back.)and inflexible. His way NOW or hours of crying, anger, resentment and whining. I mean HOURS. 3 minimum.He has a short fuse and will blow up over very small things. His brother is the agressive, verging on violent type, argumentative, mouthy, you know. But, as impulsive as he is, he seems to have more self control.When he gets "the corner" to de-fuse and chill out, he will be able to understand why and will try (very hard) to not do that behavior again, at least for that day.He also has that 'not home' look in his eyes when he's 'fizzy'. He describes it as like having poprocks in his whole body, so we call it fizzy.He does well in school somedays and flunks the next.His teacher has a seat at the right hand of God! He, like all kids will lie sometimes to get out of things. "I put my socks away." What's that on the floor?" "Oh, THOSE socks." But as "bad" as he can be, he has learned not to tell lies. In kindergarten, we had a problem with "signing dad's name for him", and explained why he can't do that. It stuck. Mostly. If two brothers have ADHD, can they have such different symptoms? I have grown so many wrinkles and gray hairs trying to help, but things will work for a while, then not. I'm running out of ideas. My son has been in counselling because his temper combined with the combativeness and selfishness of the other two was WAAAYY too much to deal with. And my insurance is better. We don't want to medicate. We are starting CBT for the older and I think we'll have his younger go as well.3 little boys in therapy. It does make you feel like a failure, doesn't it? Why were there no ADHD kids 2 generations ago? Is it faith? Diet? Stress,?Biological malfunction? Retrovirus?Pollution? I need to know, but I know there is no answer. Boy, am I glad I'm not alone in this. Thank you all.

Quote

my son, who was diagnosed with adhd at age 6 and is now 12 is a really good kid most of the time;9 out of 10 times i would say, but it's the lying that's puzzling me;for example, i asked him a few days ago if he'd eaten his lunch, which consisted of a tuna sandwich, apple, crackers and milk, if he had eaten everything in his lunch and he told me he did, which i later pried out of him that he didn't eat his sandwich;instead, he had thrown it in the garbage at school;i told him that i could understand if he didn't want to eat the sandwich, but that it was better to tell me the truth and bring it home instead of lying to me;i said i would have eaten it myself;i bring up the importance of not wasting food and how many people in the world are hungry, homeless and starving and would have given their right arm for a sandwich that day and plus the fact that we're not rich and we can't afford to be wasting food on a tight budget;i told him i was more upset about the lie than the fact that he threw out his sandwich;i told him that no matter what the situation, he can always come to me with the truth and we can work through it together;there's no need to lie to Mommy;this is not the first incident of this kind and i'm just worried that as he gets older, the lies will become bigger and bigger;i don't want him to feel like he's got to lie to me;i'm not just his mom, i'm his friend too and i want him to be able to be open with me;what do i do about the lying?

Quote

I know from being ADD/ADHD myself sometime it just saying the first thing that comes racing out of mouth ; I don't intentionally lie. I find it easier to say something then take it back, but many times I do it just so I have a minute second to retrieve the correct answer. recently I have I have just stopped and stare ; I advoid answering so I don't dig my self in a hole. In many ways it a safety device; when I am uncomfortable because I don't know about the thing you have asked me ; Many of us have a hard time retrieving the answers especially if we don't feel it was a problem or engage our minds into it. What I mean ask me something out of the blue ; and I if busy or engage into something else will look at you blankly and frankly say proably Yes to it before it really impacts me that you asked me a question. Don't always assume that we are intentionally lying because if we are focusing on something else. I will also if I don't find what you are saying easily understood or frankly too interesting , I will driff to something else. Seriously it may take all my effort to pay attention to you. So make sure when you are in the middle of tellling someone they are lying do it without to much fanfare. It is known that many of us who have ADD/ADHD will stir up issuse just to stimulate our brains it almost like taking a stimulant. It also can be kind of Fun to see the mayhem we can cause. I am being only honest ; and I take meds and see a psychologist so I don't do this anymore. Also everyone lies one time or another that is why the show "Lie to me" is such a big hit. It is not the same thing to say what impulsive, on our minds as a lie. Because we truly can't help it. To make up a story and hold on to it for 3-4 hours is a major feat for a true ADD moment. Again I will say that if we don't bring or do our homework it could be we just don't know where or how to begin. I can walk by something a thousand time and never pick it up because I don't focus on it or consider it engagable This ADD thing is very difficult at time because we can very smart but have difficulty with one thing , mine is math .There is 6 different types of ADD/ADHD and each has hall mark signs; are not threated the same; and if given the wrong medications can make it much worse; and even violent. It best to make sure what type of ADD/ADHD you are dealing with, lead by example, and if punishing let it fit the crime. Don't go over the top each and everytime because it usually loses it affect.. Also if you expect me to lie ; I WILL just so you don't feel the let down I didn't

Quote

Here is what is working in our house. Our son (12 years old) has been lying more and more and it got to the point where just about everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. I am a big fan of the book, 1-2-3 Magic (it works!) I re-read the chapter on lying and realized that I was approaching things the wrong way. I also spoke with a friend who teaches 5th-8th grades and here is what we have come up with. Do not give the child a chance to lie (either state the facts you know or say, "let me see your agenda book" (for homework). To break the lying pattern, we told our son that from now on, if he tells the truth, no matter what it is, he will not get in trouble. However, if he does not, he will be punished for the wrong behavior AND the lie. Then we will apply the principles of the consequences suggested in the book. I think finding the proper consequence is the hardest part. I personally tend to either be too soft, or too rigid. At first, I had to say to my son "is that the truth or a lie" and now I think it is working pretty good.I think he needed to see that we would keep our part and now he is more willing to keep his. And it has taken alot of stress out of life. Also, the book suggests that you do not act like the child has committed murder when they lie-you just swiftly and firmly apply the chosen consequence and move on. (I am a self admitted nag/talker). I hope this helps!

Quote

Here is what is working in our house. Our son (12 years old) has been lying more and more and it got to the point where just about everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. I am a big fan of the book, 1-2-3 Magic (it works!) I re-read the chapter on lying and realized that I was approaching things the wrong way. I also spoke with a friend who teaches 5th-8th grades and here is what we have come up with. Do not give the child a chance to lie (either state the facts you know or say, "let me see your agenda book" (for homework). To break the lying pattern, we told our son that from now on, if he tells the truth, no matter what it is, he will not get in trouble. However, if he does not, he will be punished for the wrong behavior AND the lie. Then we will apply the principles of the consequences suggested in the book. I think finding the proper consequence is the hardest part. I personally tend to either be too soft, or too rigid. At first, I had to say to my son "is that the truth or a lie" and now I think it is working pretty good.I think he needed to see that we would keep our part and now he is more willing to keep his. And it has taken alot of stress out of life. Also, the book suggests that you do not act like the child has committed murder when they lie-you just swiftly and firmly apply the chosen consequence and move on. (I am a self admitted nag/talker). I hope this helps!

Quote

I'm new to this ADDHD site/and diagnosis. I've just reading a few of the lying problems; I also have a 7 year old who has been recently put on Adderall. My question is this....are your children on medication and they CONTINUE to lie?? I thought the meds. would help this problem! ack!

Quote